Sandyland
by InvaderSunshine
Summary: All hell breaks loose when a reluctant girl named Kira falls into a new world... and hits her head a bit too hard for her wimpy pain receptors to handle. Join Kira, the faithful housekeeper and her new buddies in a tale of inhalants, sociopathic stalkers, and cake-related stripper names. (Gaara x OC)
1. Prologue

A/N : Hi, there. This first chapter is so full of it, but I promise, I will explain it... eventually. This story is of the humor genre, so naturally, I have a twisted way to start it off. Romance too, but step by step, slowly. And please excuse my bullshit. There's a lot of it. Also, I should probably tell you that my OC's seeming hints of being 'chosen' are meant for parody, just in case you mistake my intentions. Don't take it seriously, because I have no intention of making her a Mary-Sue or a crack Sue. I try to portray things in a both funny but realistic way.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

I stared blankly out the window, pretending that the little bunny cloud was escaping the hell that was my school. _Run, Cuddles run!_

In my haze, I scarcely heard my math teacher drone. I hate math with a seething passion. As for what I do like, I suppose I like English class. I'd write sometimes, that being my favorite hobby. Drawing? I like that too, but I suck at it. I may leave poorly drawn inappropriate drawings on napkins while I'm out at a restaurant, but that's it.

My thoughts were scattered when I heard a crash, and shards of glass rained on my face, making blood drizzle across my skin. I winced, not wanting glass to get in my eyes and positioned my arms over my face, but there were far too many shards for my thin arms to work as a proper shield.

To be honest, I nearly pissed myself and prayed for my life. I thought the rapture was coming.

"I am the portal lady. I am here to collect the chosen one." an eerie conceited voice half screamed in intrusion. _Well lady, who let you out of the nut house? It couldn't have been anyone with a brain._

Seeming that the downpour had ended, I turned my head to witness the delusional intruder.

She had dark purple hair that glimmered as if the moon had put a spell on it and large bright gold eyes that looked seemingly possessed as if some demonic force was peering out of its host. Her murky gray gown was shadowed by the rest of her features. I began to wonder if I was the delusional one.

The room was deadly silent. My classmates, teacher and I had all observed the creature, and I'm pretty sure we were all thinking the same thing.

The creature's possessive eyes froze when they met mine. It was if she was the lion and I was the poor baby antelope. I sat helpless on the cold tile floor as she sauntered towards me with elegant grace.

"You are the chosen one; the one who must be brought." hissed my creepiest nightmare ever. No amount of stuffed animals and night lights are stopping this nightmare from showing up again.

"I… I'm not the… the… chosen one.… Stop… Turn into… a fairy… please…" I stuttered pathetically, in an effort to stop my tragic end from drawing near.

_Shit, I'm so screwed..._

It was too late. The woman crouched in front of me, and stared unblinking into my soul.

The world around me faded, and I was thrown into a kaleidoscopic abyss. Pictures flashed in front of my eyes too fast for me to catch, before I slammed into something hard, the world around me dimming.

_You'd better feed my goldfish… _

* * *

I woke up startled, clutching my heart as if it would burst.

A beeping sound fluttered like there was no tomorrow and in response, I heard someone dash down the hall. I figured it was a nurse and I was in the nut house. There was no way I was sane. _Brain, you've got some explaining to do._

The nurse slowed her pace as she noticed that I was awake. She dragged over a stool from the other side of the room and sat next to me. "Hi. My name is Nina. Do you feel any discomfort?" She spoke in a voice that reminded me of how one would speak to a small child.

I shook my head, eyes glued on the white pleated bedspread, still collecting my thoughts.

"Good. The Kazekage has asked me to ask you a few questions. He is very busy with a meeting at the moment, so has asked me to take a few notes for him to look at." Nina explained, tone remaining.

I nodded once again, not yet ready to actually speak.

The whole "Kazekage" bit must be in my head, but I want out of this place. I'm not getting out by looking batshit insane.

Maybe it was Jess's fault, the girl who sat next to me in math class. She used sharpies like pens. _Did she want to kill her brain cells? Well it looks like mine are halfway dead, so thanks, Jess. Maybe I'll meet you here and we can trip on sharpies together._

"Can you tell me your name?" Nina asked. It was such a simple question; one that I should have been able to answer.

With that thought, I burst into tears, covering my mouth with my palm to muffle the sobs.

* * *

A/N: So, how was it? Reviews are love. :3


	2. Am-fricking-nesia

A/N: Hi, there. This chapter contains a lot of buildup, but you've probably already assumed that this would happen. Kira is a quirky character, but right now, she's scared.

* * *

I slept for the rest of that day. I was tired. It was too much to take in.

As for my condition, I most likely had amnesia and it was uncertain if my memories would return.

A week passed, yet I recovered no memories. It was confirmed. I had am-fricking-nesia, and a very bad case of it.

Where did I stay?

_The freaking hospital._

The nurses were too busy taking care of other patients to keep me company, so I sat in my bed with a bad case of sore ass colouring in a dinosaur colouring book meant for children. I'm a child at heart, so I guess it wasn't too bad. I admit to vandalizing that book with ahem… inappropriate drawings. My first friends in this world were dinosaurs, Tyrone, the T-rex and Tippy, the triceratops.

Whenever I got extremely bored, I would spam the call button. The nurses weren't too happy about that, and even drugged me a few times, saying that they were to "help my memory". I'm not so sure about that, but you know, whatever clears the Sharpie fumes is fine with me.

Nina said that my memories may appear with time, but for the moment, I would have to adjust to my new life. She said I was in some place called Suna. I was completely clueless to where that was.

I still thought I was crazy, though I told myself I would make the best of it.

Today, I would meet the Kazekage, and arrangements would be made as to where I should live. Nina also said I would be given some sort of job as well, so I could take care of myself.

I was eager to leave. My butt couldn't take it anymore. I think I went down a few sizes from the amount of butt fat squashed into my pelvis. I'm sorry, Tyrone and Tippy, but your master wants out.

Of course, the sooner I saw the kazekage, the sooner I would get out of the hospital. But on the other hand, I owed a great debt to him and was thankful he was even coming to help me with living arrangements. If it had been any other place, I couldn't be sure if I would be as lucky.

As if hearing my distress, the door swung open and three figures stepped into my room.

One was a stern looking girl with four spikey blonde pigtails on the back of her head. She looked like a badass. If I got the chance, I would ask her to teach me the art of badassery.

Another was hooded and had purple face paint smeared all over his face. Somebody spent a lot of money and time on makeup. Maybe he was a clown that came to cheer me up? Though, he didn't fit the colour scheme of a clown. Thank god. I would have cried.

The last one carried a giant gourd on his back. Somebody is going to have back problems when they're older. What? A backpack wouldn't do? However, I have to admit that he was attractive. He had fiery red hair and teal eyes ringed with black eyeliner, though it was done perfect. It was as if he was born with those dark rings. Maybe these guys are the fashion police here to judge me on my horrible makeup skills?

"Pleased to meet you. I am Gaara, the kazekage of Suna. These are my siblings, Temari and Kankuro." the Kazekage gestured to the two figures on either side of him.

"I would introduce myself. But I don't have a name to give you." I said while bowing slightly in my bed. This guy seemed like a king or something. I didn't want to act out of line. I had no knowledge of what the kazekage was other than that he was the leader of Suna. He could be the king. If that was true, everyone was his bitch.

"We should come up with a name for you. You will be our new housekeeper after all." Temari suggested bluntly. "We need something to call you by."

I'm both pleased and displeased with becoming their housekeeper. Being a housekeeper isn't on my list of things to do, but at least they're kind enough to give me a job. Maybe I can have some freak guitar solos while sweeping the floor? I think I've always wanted to do that. I think. _Thank you amnesia, you're such a joy to have._

_My name...? I know it starts with a Kir-, but I don't know... Amnesia, I've had enough of your shit._

"Kira's fine. It sounds nice, though I don't think it's my actual name. Thank you for letting me stay with you. I appreciate it. I'll do my best to be a good housekeeper." I replied politely. _Might as well make a good first impression._

"Good. Gaara and I have another meeting to attend. I swear those geezers need to lay off." Kankuro inputted, turning towards the exit.

"I'll take you to our home in the kazekage tower." Temari stated.

Gaara and Karkuro left. That left me and Temari.

"I brought you some clothes. They're mine, so they might not fit you perfectly. I'll bring you shopping to get some of your own." she said, lifting up the small plastic bag she was carrying in her right hand.

"Thank you" I appreciated.

A smirk lingered on Temari's face as she handed me a bag of clothing. "No problem. We can't have our housekeeper walking around in a hospital dress now can we?"

_Goodbye, purple floral hospital gown_. It was really fun to "accidentally" flash the hot nurse guy with you. In my defense, Tyrone told me to.

I went to the bathroom, adjacent to my room to change.

Temari's clothes were loose on my thin frame, I being a midget. She had packed me a navy blue kimono along with some undergarments, and some blue sandals that fit snugly as if they were meant for more than just for show. I had to ask Temari for help with the kimono. I had a feeling that it wasn't something I was ever used to putting on. Though with my amnesia, I couldn't be sure.

After changing, I took a quick look in the mirror. I hastily brushed my fingers through my long straight sandy brown hair. It was in need of a good brushing. My grey-blue eyes looked a bit tired under my bangs, but that was probably from me worrying. I was scared. It was terrifying to know that you had lost your memory and even more so to feel as if the world you were in was strange and foreign.

"Ready?" Temari asked, waiting at the door.

"Ready." I replied.

_Come at me, world. _

* * *

I'm living in a giant sandbox. This place is Sandyland. Every building is made out of sand. The sun glares intensively as Temari and I stand outside the hospital entrance.

Temari seemed to notice my discomfort. I had a feeling that I wasn't used to such extreme temperatures… wherever I'm from. "You'll get used to it."

"Roasting alive?" I said with a sarcastic, but playful tone.

"Yes."

We proceeded to walk towards the kazekage tower. I assume it's the large dome shaped building that towers above the others. The tower wasn't much to describe. Like every other building, it was made out of sand. The only difference was that it was tall.

We strolled along colourful market stalls on our way. Temari said that I would have to go there frequently, so she decided to show me around.

She led me to a bright green stall selling clothing.

"Pick what you like." Temari offered, as she handed me some strange looking coins. "Pick out enough to last about a week before doing laundry."

I didn't understand Suna's currency well, but I figured that Temari would help me if I needed it.

As for what I decided to buy, I chose a few ash grey tank tops, and long lavender skirts to go with it. I paid more regard to the price than to putting together a fashion statement. Although it was offered, I didn't want to abuse Temari's offer.

When I approached the cash, Temari at my side, I was plenty willing to not stick around. The more time I spend out in the hot sun, the more irritated I became. Not that I wasn't irritated enough over my 'clean slate' memory.

We soon arrived at the kazekage tower. Unfortunately for me, we had to walk up four very long flights of stairs. I wasn't the fittest person ever and was panting by the time I got to the top. Temari however, didn't break a sweat.

"You're a civilian." Temari stated.

I looked at her quizzically. Wouldn't she be a civilian too? She's walking, same as me.

"A non-ninja." she further explained.

I half laughed, amused with the ridiculous concept. "Aww, I was hoping to flip out."

"Flip out?" Temari snorted.

"My brain needs help." _I literally know jack shit._

After climbing up the countless amounts of stairs (Towards the end, Temari carried me, because I was exhausted.), we arrived at a large wooden door.

"This is our home." Temari said before taking out two keys from a pouch at her side.

She handed one to me, and I muttered thanks, tucking it in my shoe. Temari unlocked the door and I was greeted with the homey scent of vanilla and cinnamon.

I noticed that someone in the family had a candle fetish and decided to place a scattered one in random open places. The door opened to the small living room with a cute little kitchen ahead of it. A hallway jutted out in between, seeming to lead to the other rooms.

The ninja-girl motioned for me to follow her down the hall. "The first door is the bathroom. The door across from it is kankuro's. Beside his, is Gaara's room and across from his is mine. Your room is the spare bedroom beside his and it's across from the door leading to the balcony. There's a closet at the end of the hall that contains towels and cleaning supplies."

We stopped at my new room.

"I'll be in my room if you need me. I'll leave you to pack away your clothes." Temari said, heading off down the hallway and leaving me be.

I opened the door to my room and gazed in awe. The white bed looked as soft as a cloud and was surrounded by creamy white drapes. It looked like a princess's bed. The dresser was rimmed with gold and was white as well. The walls were of course, made out of tightly packed sand.

Then it hit me. I was living in a giant sandcastle. _I'm like, the queen of the Sandcastle._

… _Damn it! We're all Gaara's bitches, so I can't have that job!_

* * *

My first evening in the sibling's house was oddly peaceful. Gaara looked half dead when he got home with Kankuro, but went to his room to do paperwork anyway. Someone's devoted to their job. Kankuro went to his room to make a new puppet. _Maybe he is a clown?_

That left me and Temari. I had nothing to do, so I decided to chill with her in the living room. We sat on the couch backed against the windowsill, facing a large flat screen TV.

"So, is it always this quite here?" I said, breaking the silence.

"Not always. Gaara's naturally quiet. It's only quiet because kankuro is busy." Temari explained.

"Oh." I replied dumbly, not knowing what else to say. I'm beginning to think I might need to buy a dictionary, so I can elaborate on my feelings. That and so I can understand the jargon being commonly thrown around.

Temari and I are watching a show about ninja skills. She was the only one who actually knew what was going on. To put it simply, I was bored out of my mind.

Looking for something to distract myself, I noticed there were a few picture frames lining the ledge along the window behind the couch. One was of Gaara in a funny hat and robe. His siblings were on either side of him smiling. Gaara himself had a small smirk on his face. It melted my soul.

There was a picture of a kind looking woman with sandy brown hair and indigo eyes. The siblings didn't seem to have their parents living with them, so I assumed that the woman was their mother. I saw no picture of their father. They probably were never close.

The other pictures were a series of random events featuring the sand siblings. They were sure close, though strangely, there were no pictures of young Gaara. _Was he camera shy as a child? I wouldn't have known why. I bet he was adorable._

"We try to spend as much time possible as a family." Temari said, interrupting my thoughts. "Our mother died when Gaara was born and our father, though we were never close, was killed by Orochimaru. He was the fourth kazekage. It's just the three of us."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I sympathized.

"Don't be. We were very young when our mother died and like I said, we weren't close to our father."

There was an awkward silence in which we both sat there trying to distract ourselves from each other.

"Awkward turtle." I said, overlapping my hands.

Temari just looked at me as if I was insane, which I probably was before laughing. "I like you."

I smiled, pleased that we were getting along. Despite my depressing mood this morning, I plan on making the most of things. There's not much I can do about my situation. Nobody knows what happened to me either… _and I certainly don't._ The whole event is sketchy.

"I'm changing the channel." Temari declared, seeming to realize my confusion at the current show. Whenever I looked at the screen, I felt as though I was trying to put together a puzzle meant for mad scientists.

Temari switched the channel to some sort of news channel. It highlighted a story about a new Hokage in Konoha.

"Gaara! There's a new hokage!" Temari yelled down the hall.

Her answer was followed by footsteps coming down the hall. Gaara sat down on the other side of Temari.

"The new Hokage is Kakashi Hatake!" announced the show.

"Damnit." Gaara blurted while staring intently at the TV. "I was hoping it would be Naruto."

"He'll make it in a few years. He just needs time to grow up a bit." Temari assured while looking slightly shocked. It seemed as if such outbursts weren't expected from Gaara. "By the way, Kira and I made dinner if you want some. It's on the kitchen counter."

Gaara nodded in response and left to help himself to the delicious pizza Temari and I had made earlier.

"Kira, would you mind bringing some pizza to Kankuro? If nobody pesters him, he'll spend the whole night working on his puppet and not eat anything." Temari asked.

"Sure." I agreed.

I followed Gaara into the kitchen, letting him get his first and then tearing off two slices of pepperoni pizza for Kankuro, before heading over to his room.

I knocked twice. No answer. There was metal blaring, distracting Kankuro from the knocks at the door. I knocked twice again, louder. There was no response, I decided to just walk in. _Screw being polite._

When I opened the door, I heard a winding noise along with some cracking. A three eyed monster was starring me right in the face.

I screamed, smashing the pizza into its face, pushing myself away from the monster, and stumbling backwards, like only a civilian could.

I cursed _loudly_ as my head collided with the bathroom door.

I heard a series of rapid footsteps approaching my place on the hard sandy floor. I hoped it wasn't the monster. If it was, it was getting a taste of my fury. _How dare it make me waste some perfectly good pizza!_

"Hey, are you alright?" a voice asked.

I looked up. It was kankuro. Temari and Gaara were behind him, seeing if I was alright.

"Where's the monster?" I questioned, peering around me with alarm.

I earned a smirk from and a stifled giggle from Temari. Karkuro just looked at me confused.

"Oh. Sorry, if Karasu scared you. He's one of my puppets. I always set up a trap, so people know to knock beforehand." Kankuro replied, realizing my dilemma.

"It's alright. Can I have some ice? The door hit me." I said, clutching my throbbing head.

"Don't you mean you hit the door?" Temari scoffed.

"Same thing."

Gaara left. He probably went to get me some ice. _Bless his soul._

Temari glared at Kankuro before smacking him hard on the back of the head.

"Ow, Temari!" he cried.

"Shut up. You deserved it. You could have at least remembered to tell Kira about Karasu."

The two proceeded to bicker loudly before Gaara came back. Temari was right. It's loud when Kankuro's around.

"Ahem" Gaara interrupted, having returned with a bag of ice.

The two stopped bickerin and Gaara handed me a bag of ice and helped me up. I muttered thanks, holding the ice against the mutant bump on my head.

"Kankuro, you should go eat. Not trying it would be rude to our guest. Kira and Temari made it." Temari lectured, helping my up.

"Well if Kira helped..." Insert glare from Temari here. "I guess I'll go try it"

Kankuro left for the kitchen, narrowly missing a smack from Temari. Someone doesn't like Temari's cooking. Sure she may have almost murdered the pizza dough, but I stopped her from doing anything too rash.

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed now. Night." I said, lazily sauntering down the hall.

"Goodnight." chorused Gaara and Temari.

I went to my room and threw back my covers. It would be a long day tomorrow. There was so much to learn about this new sand-filled world.

* * *

In the middle of the vast desert outside the village called Suna, I saw a black race car with purple stripes going across the sides. I never saw a car in Suna, but I knew that was what it was. I couldn't explain how. I just knew.

In the front seat was none other than Kankuro. Beside him was Karasu, the killer puppet. Karasu had bright red lipstick on and a fancy red dress.

Kankuro honked the horn.

"Kira, come on!"

"Coming!"

I took the window seat on Kankuro's side. I wanted to be as far as I could away from Karasu.

The car started with a "Vroom." and we headed off at what seemed like one thousand miles per hour.

There was sand flying everywhere like a fountain. I didn't know how Kankuro could even drive. What a rebel.

Suddenly, we stopped. The sand started to clear and Gaara appeared in a toga. Again, I didn't know how I knew it was called a toga. I had never seen anyone in Suna wear one. I just knew that that was what it was called.

Kankuro pressed a button to roll his window down.

"Who dares disturb the Guardian of Sexiness?" Gaara boomed. _What a fitting title._

"Kanky, the clown."

I howled with laughter.

Kankuro gave me a glare, so I shut up.

Gaara paid no mind and sat right next to me. He sat right in the middle seat! _Oh joy! The guardian of sexiness wants to be in my presence!_

Kankuro hit the gas and once again, we were flying off to god knows where.

"Kankuro, you do not meet the standards of sexiness! You shall pay if you do not prove yourself within the week!" Gaara declared.

"Oh, well how about this!" Kankuro rebuked, as he grabbed Karasu and smashed their lips together. They were having a full out make out session.

"Hot. Damn." said Gaara.

"Keep your eyes on the… uh… desert!" I screeched, lunging for the steering wheel.

"Their love cannot be broken!" Gaara cried in return while grabbing me, so I couldn't dare disrupt the two lovers.

There was a flash and the sand cleared. The race car stopped.

Temari's face appeared in the desert sky and boomed "I am the Guardian of No Bullshit. Stop or I will beat you will my giant-ass fan."

We obeyed.

* * *

Needless to say, I couldn't look any of the siblings in the face the next morning without laughing.

I spit milk all over Kankuro. He threatened to pour the whole jug of milk on me, but Temari is the Guardian of No Bullshit. She stopped him.

Many buckets of tears later, I was strolling through the market with Temari. The sibling's had the day off and we would be going out for dinner later. According to the siblings, their days off were my days off. They said that they wouldn't have me slaving away while they were at a beach sipping martinis. I'm starting to really love these guys.

Temari and I arrived at a blue stand selling journals and stationary.

"I need to pick up some stationary for Gaara" Temari stated blankly. _Yeah. You tell yourself that. My bet is that it's for your boyfriend._

"If you see anything, we can get that as well." she offered.

"Thank you" I appreciated, my face lighting up at her generosity.

I admired a silver journal with shiny multicolored stars. The paper inside was lined and had light grey stars printed onto it. It would make the perfect diary, so I decided to get it. It shall be named "Starface".

"Did you see anything?" Temari asked.

"Yeah, I like this journal."

Temari took it from me and placed it with her plain white stationary and likewise envelopes. She paid for the stuff and we headed off to see the rest of the market.

We stopped at a weapons stand. I don't know how selling weapons at a stand without the weapons being in cases is legal. _Is this the black market?_

"You will need some weapons. Gaara wants you to have some sort of training if you are to be living with us. I don't believe it's really necessary, but Gaara insists. I don't know why anyone would dare attack us these days." Temari explained, grabbing pointy knife chopper things, death stars, and evil windmills from the stand.

_Maybe I can be a badass too..._

Actually, Kira and pointy things just don't mix. I don't have the build of a ninja either. Like I said before, I'm tiny. That also means that my muscles do not in any way make me look macho. My enemy would laugh at me... very loudly.

She paid, gave me the bag, I thanked her and we were on our way to a restaurant called Mani's.

* * *

We were given a secluded table for four at the back to my glee. Everything's loud when Kankuro is around. It hadn't taken me too long to figure that out.

I sat next to Gaara, Temari was on the other side of me and Kankuro sat opposite to me.

The waitress left, and seeing that nobody was breaking the ice, I decided to break it for them.

"Gaara?" I started.

He lifted his head in response.

"Why do I have to train anyways? It's not like I could put up much of a fight even if I did. I have a lot of catching up to do." _It seems kind of pointless..._

Temari had already told me that he was worried that someone might attack, but I wanted his answer, seeing as he was the one that wanted me to train in the first place.

"There are certain… errors that I have made in the past that could have left some people with a grudge against me. Some training is better than no training in case of an attack. We would most likely seize the attacker before you would encounter it, but training would help in case you had to defend yourself until we could get to you."

A pleading glance from both Temari and Kankuro told me that I shouldn't press further.

We pondered over the choices on the menu quietly until the waitress arrived. She took our orders and left.

"There is also another reason for why I want you to train." Gaara said, breaking the returning silence. "Your chakra is a bit off. I haven't felt anything like it before."

"What's chakra?" I wondered aloud.

The siblings' seemed taken aback by my question. Kankuro's face seemed to be asking me 'Are you stupid?' Temari scoffed. Even Gaara had a slightly shocked expression, though he swiftly gained his composure.

"Chakra is a form of physical energy present in every cell of the body and the spiritual energy gained from the mind." Gaara explained. He spoke as if it was a simple concept, drilled into his head. I couldn't help but wonder why it wasn't drilled in mine.

I nodded, grasping the concept. _We are all wizards… ahem… ninjas. But not me, I'm a civilian. Boo, me._

"I'll help you learn how to control it tomorrow evening when I'm finished with my kazekage duties. We'll begin your training then."

The waitress then arrived with our drinks. We had all ordered water. To my pleasure, the waitress then left us. It must be a busy evening.

All was silent until Kankuro, being the bright lightbulb that he is, decided to question Temari. We all knew how that was going down.

"Hey, Temari, how's it going with Shikamaru? I saw you're letters~" Kankuro teased.

Temari of course grew bright red, grabbed her full glass of water and dumped it all over Kankuro, glass and all.

"Temari!" Kankuro yelled, soaking wet.

"The blow dryer should be at the counter." Gaara stated, as if he was asking Kankuro to pass the salt.

I just bit my cheeks, looking like a fish in an attempt to stop myself from giggling. Kankuro stalked away. Temari said that she had to go to the bathroom. That left Gaara and I, not that I was complaining. I was rained on my glass once. It's not happening again… I hope.

"We come here often." Gaara explained.

I smirked in response. Apparently, they came here so often that the staff had a blow dryer prepared for when Temari drenched Kankuro.

"They even have stain remover and spare clothes for when Temari dumps food on him." he added.

I half laughed. If anyone had the nerve, it was Temari. "I wouldn't be surprised."

"If I wasn't the Kazekage, we would have been kicked out by now."

"Hmm. By the way, what do you do as the Kazekage? I know that you're the leader of this village, but what do you do?" _I might as well learn a little._

"There's a lot of paperwork. That includes assigning missions and signing documents. There's more as well. I also have to deal with the council. They've always been a bit hard to deal with, but they're better than they've used to be."

Unfortunately, my Gaara alone time was interrupted with the arrival of our food, Temari and a dry Kankuro arriving soon after.

We ate in silence. The food here was good, I mean really good. To put it bluntly, it tasted like pure bliss.

"So, we're going to run home?" I asked, surprised that after all that food, they wouldn't kneel over barfing if they ran. I was on Gaara's back. Piggy back rides are the best. You never get too old for them.

"It's faster. Besides, we'll carry you." Temari reasoned, ready to go.

"Okay, then."

And off we went, at turbo speed.

Unfortunately, I had my mouth open, and got a mouth full of sand. My reaction: "Bluhh!"

I would spend an hour when I got home, trying to wash the taste of sand out of my mouth.

* * *

A/N: In this chapter, Kira is getting situated. From a realistic standpoint, Kira isn't quite comfortable yet. I can assure you that humor madness is present in future chapters. Some chapters are batshit insane. (I wrote this blurb after publishing chapter eight.) Reviews are love. :3

Next Chapter: Karma, the Not so Bitch


	3. Karma, the Not so Bitch

Chapter: Karma the Not so Bitch

Hi guys~ So, here's the next chapter! Thank you to all who've reviewed, favorited, or followed the story thus far! Enjoy~

* * *

Dear Starface,

My mouth _still _tastes like sand. It's so bad that I had to buy a whole jar of mints. Yes, I ate the whole thing. And it was jumbo sized too. No, it didn't work.

Take me to the dentist,

Kira

* * *

I had a nightmare that night about Kankuro being an evil matchmaker. He was controlling Karasu and trying to get him to kiss me. I was of course booking it and cursing myself for having no ninja skills. I _hate _that killer puppet.

Thankfully, I woke up just before I was caught by the four armed beast, my heart beating like I was running a ninja marathon. (I kind of was if you think about it.)

I looked at the clock on my bedside table. It was five in the morning; not something I was pleased about.

Deciding that it was too early to get up just yet, I tried to get some sleep. I shut my eyes in preparation for a hopefully more pleasant dream. I tossed, flipped over, spread out like a star fish, and went into a fetal position. Sleep would not come.

I decided that I should get a head start on breakfast preparations, Temari having explained that as one of my obligations. I hope I have the ability to cook. Otherwise, we're all dead. Seeing as I wasn't going to get any sleep anyways, I got out of bed and made my way towards the kitchen.

Do you want to know who I saw in the kitchen?

If you guessed Gaara, you were right!

Thank god it wasn't Kankuro. I wasn't in the mood to face him. To be honest, I still held a grudge over the scare-the-shit-out-of-Kira-with-a-deadly-puppet incident. I know he didn't do it intentionally, but my most recent dream did nothing to make me more forgiving.

Gaara was sitting at the island, with a huge mug of steaming hot coffee. He looked pissed off. Someone's not a morning person.

"Morning~" I greeted, trying to be as pleasant as possible.

"Morning." he grumbled.

"Is there anything in particular you would like for breakfast?"

"Bacon, please."

"Kay, I'll make that."

I started to work on the bacon, taking it out of the fridge. I decided to make some toast to go with it, though I would start at that later. The bacon would take longer to cook. I took out a frying pan, put it on the stove, turned the burner on and ripped the package open, putting a heap of bacon into the pan. As I worked, Gaara casually sipped his coffee in an attempt to feel more awake.

I felt a bit bad. He didn't start work until nine and we live in his place of work.

"Can't sleep?" I asked.

"I've always had trouble sleeping. It's gotten better over the years, but it's still there." Gaara explained, temporarily putting is jumbo mug down.

"I couldn't sleep either. I had a scary dream about Karasu. He tried to kiss me." I said, trying to lighten the mood.

Gaara grinned. "Kankuro has more puppets as well."

"I hope I never see them."

I got a smirk, but it soon morphed into a look of concern. "Are you alright? You look flushed."

_Shit. I'm blushing. Somebody save me!_

My plea was answered by the miracle that is Kankuro. Yes, I have changed my opinion of him. He is now my savior. Hence, he is forgiven. "Morning, Gaara, Kira. Is that bacon I smell?"

Kankuro is a morning person. Seriously, I have never seen anybody look so happy in the morning. This would normally frustrate me, but I wasn't bothered at the moment considering that he had just saved me from answering Gaara.

"Yes." I replied. "It should be ready in about twenty minutes."

Kankuro nodded.

Gaara still proved to be troublesome. Kankuro hhad only distracted him. "Kira, are you sure that you are alright?"

I inwardly panicked.

"Why, what's wrong with Kira?" Kankuro pried.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." I assured, hoping that Gaara wouldn't press further.

"Why was your face red?" Gaara asked for the second time.

"I, uh…" I replied stupidly, not quite knowing how to explain myself without giving the truth away.

To make things worse, Kankuro is here and he seems to realize the situation. "Aww… I wish you luck, Shortcake."

Forget what I said earlier about Kankuro being a miracle and my savior. He still isn't forgiven. He just gave me a stripper stage name. My grudge just intensified, tenfold.

"Shortcake?" Temari asked in amusement, appearing from the hall entrance, fully awake and dressed. Another morning person…

She had just appeared from down the hall, fully awake and dressed. Another morning person…

At least I have Gaara. Someone has to help me against the disaster that is morning people.

"She's short and easy to deal with. It suits her." Kankuro explained.

_Kankuro that can be interpreted in more than one way, considering it is a stripper appropriate name._

"Fair enough." Temari failed me.

"Temari." Gaara interrupted. "There's something wrong with Kira. Her face went all red earlier."

Temari smirked, realizing the situation. "I'm sure it was just from the heat of the pan. She's fine."

_Thank you, Guardian of No Bullshit._

Gaara continued to sip at his coffee, pleased with his answer. I took out a cookbook and leafed through the pages, looking for a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. Temari took my place, flipping the bacon every so often. I found a recipe worthy of baking and then remembered to make the toast.

"Temari, I'll take care of the bacon. Would you mind making the toast?" I asked, figuring that with Temari's murderous cooking skills, it would be safer if she handled that instead.

"Sure."

I continued to flip the bacon thoroughly until it was crispy. I then put it on a plate and pressed it lightly with a paper towel to get at least half of the grease out.

I looked my shoulder to see what everyone else was doing. Gaara was still sleepily sipping his coffee, still not woken up. Kankuro was watching some channel featuring ninjas racing. No, there was no race cars, the ninjas were on foot. Temari was casually taking care of the toast next to me.

All was well until I realized that she was about to stick a knife in the toaster.

"Temari, n-" I started, not wanting my new roommate to harm herself.

*Bam!*

I winced, turning myself away and leaning towards the counter beside me. There was a flash, a burning smell reached my nostrils, and I heard the fire alarm go off. I opened my eyes and saw a smoky blown up toaster. Temari was lying flat on the kitchen floor, her eyes closed.

"Temari!" That was me. I knelt down next to her.

"What happened!?" That was Kankuro, hopping off the couch.

"Is everyone okay!?" That was Gaara. He's now fully awake and sitting up from his place on the tile floor. He had fallen backwards off his stool when the toaster exploded. Gaara's mug was smashed across the wall. There was coffee everywhere. Surprisingly, Gaara was alright. _What a rude awakening…_

"I'm good. I'm not sure about Temari though." I replied nervously.

Gaara and Kankuro quickly knelt beside me, worried expressions on their faces. Temari opened her eyes, a dazed look on her face.

"Temari!" Kankuro and I exclaimed, throwing our arms around her. Gaara joined as well. _Group hug with Gaara! Whoop-whoop!_

Enough about Gaara for now, I'm overjoyed that Temari didn't become one nasty fried chicken.

When we pulled apart, Gaara turned the fire alarm off, letting us have enough silence to sspeak without yelling.

"What happened, anyways?" Kankuro asked.

"I ripped a slice of bread and couldn't get it out of the toaster. I tried to get it out with a butter knife." Temari sounded a bit frustrated. There was no way that she could avoid explaining herself.

I patted her shoulder. Temari isn't one who easily admits her mistakes, judging by her stubborn personality.

"Temari, I think it's best if you leave the cooking to the rest of us. We wouldn't want a repeat of December eighteenth." Gaara reasoned.

"Okay." Fortunately, Gaara is someone Temari listens to.

I wonder what happened on December eighteenth. _Did she poison somebody? Burn the house down?_

My silent question was answered by Kankuro who whispered in my ear. "We were on a mission in the Land of Snow and decided to make sugar cookies. She burnt our cabin down."

_Close enough._

We all cleaned up the fried bits that were our blown up toaster. Gaara made a quick call to assure anyone else in the building that there was no reason to panic. It was just an exploded toaster. No biggie.

When we were done, we all ate the bacon together and the toast that wasn't burnt by Temari's toast grenade. The siblings left. Gaara went off to start work early, so he could have extra time to train me later, Temari went to sulk in her room, and Kankuro left to help Gaara. (Temari had guard duty today, but it wasn't until later.)

Doing the dishes was actually quite entertaining. I was generous with the dish soap, so I had a mini bubble bath going on. I just hoped that the dishes didn't have soap residue. Whatever, it was fun.

"By the way, you wouldn't mind cleaning would you? You are our housekeeper after all. It is your job." Temari asked, having finally emerged from her room as I was finishing up the last couple of dishes.

"I don't mind. What would you like done?" I'll do my job, of course.

"The rooms would be nice."

"Karasu?" I wondered.

"I told Kankuro to disable his trap." She assured.

"Yeah, okay. I'll work on it." I offered, motioning to the steaming cookie tray spread across the stove burners.

Getting to work straight away, I headed to the closet at the end of the hall, pulling out some cleaning supplies.

I started with my room, seeing as it was the closest. I didn't have many belongings, the room being mostly unfurnished. It didn't take very long.

Gaara's room was next. It was very organized. It didn't take long either, but longer than my room. I may have snooped around… a little bit. Truthfully, I just wanted to know more about my surroundings. It was a scavenger hunt of sorts… not that I found anything._ I feel like such a creeper. Time to leave._

I decided to do Temari's room next. Kankuro's house of horrors could wait.

Temari's room was hell to clean. It seemed as though she would chuck her clothes on the floor whenever she changed. I took a quick look at her desk. I was right. The stationary was for her boyfriend. I didn't peek at her letters. I'm not that nosy. It's her business, not mine. Temari kept a closet full of weapons. I didn't go near them… They were deadly sharp. Gaara had a similar closet in his room, but it was locked. He was much more cautious.

I then arrived at the entrance to Kankuro's lair. I slowly pushed the door open. No Karasu came to attack me with merciless kisses.

I peered inside the room. It's safe… I think.

I assumed that Kankuro keeps his puppets in the giant closet across from his bed on the right side of the room. I wasn't opening Kankuro's little shack of horrors. Next to the closet, there was Kankuro's worktable. There were multiple jars of strange liquids lining the shelf above it.

I decided to tackle the rest of the room first. When I was done with that, I moved towards the worktable and the shelf. Dusting under the last jar of strange liquid, some of it seeped out onto my hand. I felt a stinging sensation, making me panic and quickly put the bottle back down on the shelf. _Was it poison? It very well could be…_

When the stinging feeling started traveling up my arm, my answer was obvious.

I ran out of the house, hoping to find help. Seeing, that there was nobody around, I dashed up the steep stairs at what I was hoping could pass for ninja speed. I threw open the door to what must have been Gaara's office to see him doing paperwork at his desk. Kankuro must have went somewhere for the moment.

He looked up from his forms on his desk, alarmed.

"Kankuro's… huff… jars… possible poison… huff… on my… hand." I choked, out of my mind with worry.

Gaara jumped out of his chair, examining my hand. "What colour was the liquid?"

"Dark purple." I answered.

This didn't seem like a good answer, because Gaara looked like the apocalypse was coming and his only weapon was a wooden spoon.

"Kankuro!" Gaara called out.

"What? I'm fixing my war paint." Kankuro answered from a door beside Gaara's office. _Yeah, right. Fixing your makeup is more like it._

"Kira got some of one of your concoctions on her hand, a bad one."

Kankuro ran out from the bathroom adjacent to Gaara's office, his makeup was smudged along his lip. He looked like a vampire that had drunk zombie blood or something. If it wasn't for the situation, I would have laughed at him.

"What?! The super deadly extra speedy fast absorbing poison?!" Kankuro exclaimed, joining me in my panic.

"That one." Gaara confirmed.

"Oh, shit!"

"I don't want to die!" I hollered. _Like seriously, no I don't._

Kankuro dashed out of the room, probably in an attempt to find the antidote. That was, if there even was one.

Gaara still looked as if it was doomsday. It kind of was, for me anyway.

With the last of my strength, I hobbled over to the plaid couch by the doorway, lying on my back.

I could feel the poison making its way towards my heart, etching its fiery path through my veins. Panic seized me. I didn't want to die. There was no reason for me to. It would be because of my own stupid mistake. I should have been more careful with the poison.

I got an idea, a reckless one, but one that was _so_ worth it. If I'm going to die, I want my last words to keep me forever remembered. I don't have any relationships worth mentioning, because I forgot them and haven't had the time to build any more. In my situation, I think saying something completely ridiculous should leave a mark.

"Gaara?" I said, wanting to get his attention.

He looked down at me, a bit sad. He doesn't know me, but watching someone die, even if you don't know them, is a sad thing.

"Stay sexy~" I whispered. With those words, I shut my eyes, preparing for death.

My thoughts were interrupted by something jabbing into my chest.

"I'm already dying here." I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Yeah, about that… you're not dying."

I opened my eyes, blinking at the harsh office lights.

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets at my karma. A five inch syringe stuck out of my chest. _The antidote!_

"Uh, can someone take the giant needle out now?" I asked, my face twisting in repulsion to the giant-ass needle.

Kankuro pulled it out and Gaara helped me sit up properly. I was still a bit weak.

I would drop my grudge on Kankuro. I truly would. He had just saved my ass. There was one thing that stopped me from doing so. I had just been extremely reckless. Gaara might ask about it. If he did, I didn't know what to say. Even worse, I didn't know if Kankuro had heard what I had said. To put it bluntly, I was in deep shit.

"Kira." Gaara started.

I met his gaze. Gaara had regained his composure. He's an expert at looking calm.

"We will start your training tomorrow evening. You need time to recover from the poison." Gaara continued.

"Sounds legit." I agreed, thankful that he had chosen to avoid the topic of my could have been last words.

Gaara picked me up. I was too tired to stand on my own. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Gaara ran down the stairs at ninja speed. He went through the front door (In my panic, I had left it open.), down the hall and placed me in my bed in a matter of seconds.

I snuggled into my fluffy pillow, inhaling the scent of vanilla and cinnamon that constantly traveled through the house. Wanting to forget everything, I shut my eyes, preparing for slumber.

I just hope that stupid Karasu doesn't wake me up.

* * *

I found Gaara attractive, but that didn't mean that I loved him. I hadn't known him long enough to feel that way. To be honest, I would happy to be Gaara's friend. The problem was that my actions from yesterday could have destroyed any chance I had at being his friend and that troubled me. I had just made things awkward between us. And we lived together.

I figured a bit of fresh air might help me relax, so that morning (after I did my chores.), I went for a walk around Suna.

I had a map. Temari had given me one when I told her I was going. Despite my most recent actions, I wasn't a reckless person by nature. Kankuro did say that I was easy to deal with (as well as indirectly calling me a stripper.) In my defence, I thought I was going to die when I kissed Gaara. I thought, why not? I'm dying. I can get away with it, but no. Karma can be such a bitch.

_I am so done._

_What did I do to deserve this? Was what I did considered wrong?_ I suppose I could have done something before I got amnesia.

"Damn it, karma!" I cried out, frustrated with my behavior.

"What is it?"

I turned from where was walking to see a girl with sandy blond hair pulled back in a high ponytail standing in front of a bakery, a confused look in her jade eyes.

"Huh?"

"You said my name. What did I do?" the girl explained.

I just met a girl named Karma. _Puns galore._

"Oh, I`m sorry. I didn`t mean to offend you. I`m Kira." I apologized.

"Well, I`d introduce myself, but I think you got my name down." Karma giggled.

I scoffed.

"Want to come in for some free brownies?" she asked, a coy smile on her face.

"I love you, girl."

* * *

Karma works part time at her parent`s bakery. She's a civilian, like me. We chatted on enthusiastically, discovering that we were both creative people. She liked decorating sweets and I liked to write. I never even had to use the awkward turtle.

"To be honest, I thought I was in deep trouble when I heard you say my name." Karma stated, placing two cups of tea on the table where I was sitting.

She sat down on the opposite side of me.

"Why"

"I've seen you around with the Kazekage and his siblings. The Kazekaze has improved life for many of the citizens of Suna, changing old customs and such. Though I am grateful, I can`t however, forget the past."

"I don`t understand" _Are they like, the mafia or something…? They don't seem bad…_

Karma looked at me, unbelieving.

"I have amnesia. If I knew, I don`t know." I explained. "It sucks, but it's not like I can do anything about it."

"I`m sorry to hear that."

"Could you tell me… please?" I begged.

"Okay, but you won`t like it."

"I still want to know." I urged.

"The Kazekage had a… difficult past. He used to have the one tails inside of him, a demon of sorts." She explained solemnly.

"The what?" I spoke, almost spitting my tea.

"I think Gaara should tell you the details. I don't know him personally." she said, denying me any further explanation.

I stared at her.

She stared back.

"You're kidding me." I inferred, not truly believing my inference, but wanting it to not be true.

She shook her head.

I stared at her.

She stared back.

"Aww, shit." I grumbled. That sounds traumatic.

I stared at my crumb filled plate in shock.

"You see, I didn`t want to be brought in for questioning." _And why would that happen…?_

"Karma, I'll tell you now, even if you were called in, you would be completely safe. Gaara's been kind to me. I couldn't imagine Gaara doing such a thing."

There was a pause.

"Karma, what time is it?" I asked, anxious to not be late for training.

"Almost six." she relied, looking at her wristwatch.

"It was nice meeting you, Karma, but I have to go now or I'll be late for training."

"You`re a ninja?" she inferred, confused.

"No. Gaara just wants to test me for some reason." _And I'm going to completely bomb it._

I left the wonky chakra bit out, because I didn`t want my new friend to think I was strange. (I kind of am, though.)

"I`ll see you then. If you want to stop by sometime, feel free to come over for free sweets. I live in the apartment upstairs with my family." Karma welcomed, waving.

"I'll hold you to it." I said, giving her a wink.

* * *

I met Gaara at the training ground, a small section of the village in which there was only dry, packed sand and a few targets attached to wooden poles. Gaara was leaning on the pole nearest to the path.

I approached him hesitantly, drawing his attention. "Hey. I'm here for training."

"Hello." Gaara welcomed.

"So… what do you want me to do?" I asked, awkwardly looking around at the targets. This isn't my kind of thing.

"First, you need to learn more about your chakra. Try to make it flow into your hands. Remember, chakra is energy." Gaara instructed.

"Okay." _Might as well give it a go…_

We sat on the ground, waiting for me to perform the "simple" task of making my hands glow.

One hour passed.

Two hours passed.

Three hours passed.

And nothing happened...

I feel like a Magnikarp.

"Gaara?" I asked, awkwardly looking at him, uneasy grimace included.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't have chakra." I concluded.

"Every living thing has chakra." he argued, making it sound like I had just spouted nonsense.

"So there's only one possible answer; I'm an alien." I giggled.

He smirked. "Maybe you have chakra, you just can't release it. It could be buzzing around inside you, not being able to be released."

"I like that idea better." It's a heck of a lot better than being an alien.

"Let's stop training for now. It's getting late."

"Okay."

Gaara and I walked towards the kazekage tower in silence.

I wonder how Gaara could even be considered scary. Sure, I'm scared of my situation with Gaara, but I'm not scared of him. He actually seems pretty laid back. Karma seems to think that he is a bit scary, but she is unsure, because she doesn't know him.

Maybe I should say something. I did do something out of line yesterday and while I do have a decent excuse, I can't be sure if he's okay with it. For the sake of saving our possible friendship, I have to do something just in case he's offended.

"Hey, Gaara?" I started, cringing inside.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry about yesterday, if you're in anyway offended by it." I apologized.

"I'm not offended." Cue mental field day.

What I really wanted to do was give him a giant bear hug, but I settled for a soft smile, which he returned.

When we got to the kazekage tower, Gaara carried me up the stairs, no questions asked, piggy back style. It wasn't like a giant bear hug, but it was close.

"I have some work to do in my office. Do you have your key?" he asked, dropping me off by the door.

"Yes, but you aren't going to be up there all night are you?" I couldn't help but be concerned. He did mention he had trouble sleeping.

"I'll only be a hour." he assured.

"Okay." I settled, pulling my key out of my shoe and unlocking the door. "Night, Gaara."

"Night."

I stepped inside, preparing to close the door.

"Oh and Kira," Gaara started.

I turned, to hear Gaara say something I… did not see coming.

"Stay sexy~" he copied yesterday's me, casually heading off.

When I closed the door, I sunk to the floor in laughter, waking the savage morning people up. And because the grizzlies couldn't handle my spasms of laughter, I slept that night with my hands tied behind my back and a gag over my mouth.

* * *

A/N: So, how was it? Reviews are love. :3

Next Chapter: Gaara's Grow House


	4. Gaara's Grow House

Chapter: Gaara's Grow House

Thank you my lovelies~ All input favorites and follows are greatly appreciated. ;)

Enjoy~

* * *

Dear Starface,

I met a girl named Karma. No, she's not a bitch. We're actually starting to become friends.

Stay sexy~,

Kira

* * *

Nobody rescued me from my restraints.

Temari and Kankuro were still in a sour mood in the morning and thus I was left with my hands tied behind my back and a gag over my mouth. For obvious reasons, I was in a sour mood myself. All I could do was sit on the couch and mutter curses.

My "captors" were sitting at the island drinking Gaara's coffee stash. The morning people didn't get their rest last night. Being the reason for their current states, I got no mercy.

"Meh mughhh meh muh ma mok mow" That translates to 'Can you take the gag off now?'

"Sorry, I'm too _tired _to hear anything." Kankuro growled.

"You got off easy. Don't push it. You might be blown into another dimension." Temari threatened, giving me a stern glare. _It's not that bad. I only got amnesia. Wait, that sucks. Never mind._

So, I remained in place staring at the hallway. I sat there for a while, silently pleading for help. _Maybe Gaara will save me…_

Gaara did show up, but when he did, he looked even worse than Temari and Kankuro. His eyes were half closed and there were more dark smears under his eyes. He was walking like a zombie, so much that I was genuinely concerned about his well being.

His eyes blinked open when he saw me.

"Temari… Kankuro… Why is Kira tied up?" Gaara wondered, snapping out of his trance, if not only foor an instant.

"It's her punishment for keeping us up." Kankuro replied before taking a chug of his coffee.

"How did she manage that…?" Gaara asked, puzzled. _Well, not everyone sleeps like a log…_

"She was in a fit of giggles last night." Temari explained.

"She was punished for laughing…" Gaara concluded in a tone that clearly said 'Really, you punished someone for laughing? That should be a crime.'

Gaara saved me, untying the crushing ninja knots expertly.

"Thanks. You're my favorite." I stated, rubbing my wrists.

"Shortcake, you're such a suck up." Kankuro whined, using my hated nickname.

"I'll tell you where the best brownies ever are. Do we have a truce?" I attempted to make a deal.

"Are they that good?" Temari asked, surprised that I would try such a small bargain.

"They are happiness itself." I chirped.

"…Fine." Temari and Kankuro sighed, content to let the matter drop and continuing to lazily sip at their coffee.

I decided to eat breakfast, choosing a box of cereal called Frooty Toots. I need some sugary goodness to fully wake up, though everyone else is suffering worse than me. I can't complain, because in the case of the morning people, it's my fault. Not to mention, Gaara looks like he's about to fall over and die.

My devouring of the Frooty Toots cereal at the island was interrupted by a loud sigh from Gaara, as he stared at his empty coffee stash in the cupboard above the fridge. "We're out of coffee."

Temari and Kankuro shared a glance. They had drunk the last of Gaara's coffee. _Karma's a bitch, huh?_

_…Sorry, Karma…_

"Where's this store, the one with the brownies?" Gaara asked, his gaze on me.

Temari peered over next to me as well as Kankuro on the other side of her.

"It's south of the kazekage tower, to the left of the training grounds we were at last night." I answered between spoonfuls of cereal.

"Does it have coffee?" Gaara asked.

"Yes."

"I'm heading there before work." Gaara decided, closing the cupboard.

"We're all going." Temari stated. "Kankuro and I want brownies. Kira, you might as well lead us there."

* * *

I did lead them there. I just didn't expect there to be so many distractions.

Gaara has a serious case of insomnia. I realized this when he almost face planted into a pole. (Kankuro saved him.)

It continued when he almost stepped in dog crap. (Temari pulled him back.)

I was certain when he started sleepwalking during ninja rush hour. And by rush hour I mean ninja's racing to work, in all directions.

"Gaara?" Kankuro asked, worried.

"..."

"Be quiet, you can't wake up someone who's sleepwalking." Temari harshly scolded.

"Maybe we should try leading him to the bench over there?" I suggested, pointing towards a bench beside the walkway.

"I'm still up." Gaara assured.

_…?_

"Your eyes are almost completely closed." Temari stated.

"Are you sure, you don't want to rest?" Kankuro questioned.

"You look dead. Zombie dead." I exaggerated before I stopped him from tripping over a curb. I'm not even a ninja and my coordination is better than his at the moment.

Gaara gave in. It seemed as though he had finally realized that he was incapable of taking another step. He lied down on the bench, falling asleep in seconds.

"Does he do this often?" I asked, amazed at Gaara sleeping without a twitch, as if savouring every moment of it.

"More than you think." Kankuro replied, grimacing.

"Maybe we should try sleeping medication." Temari suggested.

"Good idea." I inputted.

"He won't go for it." Kankuro argued, opposing us as if we were lunatics.

I can agree with being a lunatic, but I must be correct if Temari is on my side. There were no sharpies in her room to affect her with their disastrous fumes.

"Why not?" I wondered aloud.

"Assassination attempts." He blanked.

"It's hard to imagine that happening." Temari countered.

"Yeah." I sided with Temari.

"Well… Gaara's childhood was… difficult. This resulted in problems which resulted in enemies."

"If you're that worried about medicine here, I'll send a letter to Tsunade. I doubt the previous hokage would attempt to assassinate Gaara. " Temari reasoned.

"That's… better…" settled Kankuro.

Temari and I shared a triumphant smile. We had won.

* * *

What did we do while Gaara rested?

We made sure nobody bothered Gaara for a couple of hours and stopped some twelve-year old ninja boy from poking his eye out with a meter long stick. Yeah, Gaara isn't a cyclops. I have no sweet clue where I got that reference. Ask my brain. It won't answer me.

It went like this:

"Hey kid, watch where you're going with that stick!" Kankuro warned as the rascal whirled his stick around like a Jedi. That stick was pointy. It could have skewered us all.

"Like I care." _Oh no, you didn't._

"Oh, you don't care! I'd watch my back, kid!"

Kankuro had fire whirling in his eyes. I just stood there beside Gaara to give him some useless protection, and watched everything burn.

…Well, maybe not burn, but you get what I mean.

"Shut up!" Temari said boldly while gripping her fan. "I'll make you if you don't."

"Yeah, right." the kid not so wisely replied.

Temari blasted the said brat ten feet in the air. Don't _ever _bullshit Temari. You will fear for your life.

She then lowered him down roughly, but just enough to scare him, and the kid ran off in fear of Temari's wrath, bawling all the way.

"Please stop, you're louder than the ninjas on road rage. Gaara might wake up." I begged uneasily.

I jinxed it, and Gaara woke up demanding for coffee.

* * *

The bell on the bakery door jingled as we walked into Karma's families' bakery. I was dive bombed by an overjoyed Karma, giving me a tight squeeze. "You came back!"

"Yeah, I told you I would. I brought friends as well." I said, motioning to the others.

Karma's face paled a little at her other guests who were standing awkwardly at the door, but she was quick to recover, taking out a yellow notepad and smiley pen. "Alright, I'll take your orders. It's on the house, seeing as you came with Kira."

"Gaara, you go first." I suggested. He still doesn't look completely alive, and it doesn't help the situation with Karma at all.

"I'll have an extra-large dark coffee." he rightfully grumbled.

Everyone else ordered brownies and vanilla milkshakes. The brownies were pre-prepared, so we didn't have to wait that long.

Karma was the last one to join us, sitting at the head of the table. Temari and I sat on one side and Kankuro and Gaara sat on the other, and because our food was heaven, we all ate like wolves. That excludes Gaara who was too busy sipping out of his coffee mountain of a mug.

"So, how is it?" Karma asked, eager to please.

"Bliss," I replied, liking my lips.

"The coffee's good." Gaara assured.

"You're talented." Temari complimented.

"It was heaven, Angel Cake." Kankuro praised, completely disregarding the hilarity of Karma's nickname.

I coughed, and almost snorted my milkshake out of my nose. We have another victim of stripper deeming.

Karma blushed scarlet, startled, and let out a nervous giggle. _We think alike._ "Uh… that name doesn't really suit me."

"What are you talking about? You're an angel who makes sweet food." _Aww…_

Karma blushed even more, not even bothering to respond due to over flattery. Smooth recovery, but my nickname explication even fits the bill for a stripper stage name. Karma got the better deal. I'm just short and easy to deal with. _Why couldn't it have been short and sweet?_

_…Wait, that's worse._

"See you soon." I said to Karma, giving her a friendly squeeze.

"Thanks for the food." Temari thanked, kindly.

"I'll be back sometime." Kankuro mentioned.

Gaara dropped a few coins on the counter before politely thanking Karma.

"There's no need for that." Karma said, being the generous person that she is.

"We all enjoyed the meal. If you won't accept pay, consider it a tip."

"Ah…" Karma was caught for words.

We left for the day's work at ninja speed, rushing due to Gaara's two hour nap.

* * *

It was laundry day. I would be spending this fine afternoon making sure nobody would smell like crap.

To be honest, I didn't like this chore very much. Much time was spent tossing dirty underwear into the washer with barbecue tongs. I would rather be giving the dishes their daily bubble bath.

When I had finally finished (Temari's clothes from her floor hamper took hours to clean.), it was evening and the sand siblings would be arriving for supper in an hour.

I made tacos. _Fuck dessert, I'm watching a movie._

Observing the stack of movies under the TV, I discovered that horror movies were a favorite in this house. Being in the mood for a good scare, I was okay with that and pulled out a movie called _Run from My Fun_.

I ignored my urge to make numerous puns at the name.

On cue, the door opened, revealing the siblings.

"Welcome back, I made tacos." I welcomed, sliding the DVD into the DVD player.

"Smells good." Kankuro said, noticing the smell of hard work and pain. (The Damn knife cut me instead of the lettuce.)

"Watching a movie?" Temari inquired.

"I'm in the mood for a good scare. I hope you don't mind."

"We don't mind." Gaara assured.

"Does anyone want to join me?" I could use some company.

Everybody accepted my offer, cramming on the coach with their taco filled plates. I sat on the edge beside Gaara. Kankuro was on his other side and Temari was on the other edge.

We had dimmed the lights in an effort to enhance the scare.

It worked, at least on Kankuro and me. Temari only flinched a few times, only gasping at the jump scares. Gaara didn't flinch at all. He only looked slightly surprised at the jump scares. Kankuro almost pissed his pants quite a few times. Temari kept telling him to stop being such a wuss and was rather annoyed at Kankuro and would smack him whenever he almost cut her circulation off. In the early parts of the movie, he even got a taco in the face.

In my opinion, this wasn't the scariest horror movie ever. It was made when a pink skinned clown with razor teeth came to kill a stupid girl in a house of mirrors.

When the clown came into view, it screamed "HERE'S KANKY!"

I died inside, dropping to the floor and clutching my sides. Gaara and Temari looked at me as if I was as insane as Kanky. The real Kanky screamed like a six year old girl that broke her doll, making me laugh even more, tears flowing down my face.

_Best horror movie ever._

* * *

Temari let me in on a secret while I was flipping pancakes in the morning.

Kankuro had left and Gaara was sleeping… I hope.

"Kira, listen. You're in on my plan, right? We need to help Gaara as soon as possible." _No shit._

"Of course, what's on your mind?" I urged her to continue.

"I sent a letter to Tsunade, the previous hokage. However, it will take time for the medicine to arrive here."

"Okay."

"So I made something for him, a bit of powder to put in his food. I'm not an expert, but I know what poison plants look like. I want you to slip about a teaspoon of it into his supper. Do we have a deal?"

I pondered for a moment. _To drug or not to drug?_ "Deal."

_Let's shoot him up. Operation drug the kazekage is in business._

"Good. You won't have to use it for a while yet, but I didn't know if I would get a chance to ask you while Kankuro was around. The pouch is hidden in the teabag jar."

Gaara came from the hallway, zombie-like as usual. Nobody would dare ask 'How did you sleep?'

"What were you talking about?" Gaara asked, hopefully having not heard anything.

"Oh, nothing." Temari lied skillfully. _Don't worry, Gaara. We're just planning on how we're going to drug you._

Gaara raised a non-existent eyebrow, but didn't press further. He instead, went to his coffee hoard and made himself a heaping mug. The mug was twice the size of a normal mug, further proving his major caffeine addiction.

Temari and Kankuro had convinced the council to let Gaara have a few days off due to their worries about his health. They wanted me to make sure that Gaara didn't head off to work.

I was determined to help, yet I wasn't sure what I could do to help him. Even though I have been with the siblings for a few days now, I still had much to learn about them.

"I'll be heading out in a few minutes. Gaara, I convinced the council to let you have time off until your insomnia is taken care of." Temari informed Gaara of her plans for him.

"Even if I'm not there, there will still be things that have to be done." Gaara sighed, making me feel tiniest bit bad for him.

"Kankuro and I will take care of things the best we can while you're off." she assured, having it all planned out.

Gaara looked a bit conflicted for a moment, as if he didn't know if he should push further or not. "Very well then, let me know if there is anything you're unsure of. I'll tell you what needs to be done."

I would have to stay with Gaara for the day, though I'm not complaining. Like I said yesterday morning, Gaara is my favorite. He doesn't decide 'Hey, Kira won't shut the hell up with her laughing. We should tie her up and gag her.' Gaara would just smirk at my antics and help me drug myself to avoid the situation.

When was done with the pancakes, we all ate together at the island. (Kankuro had gone off early to get a head start on some of Gaara's kazekage stuff. He had to get himself some cereal for breakfast. The morning people aren't waking me up.)

Temari then went off to join Kankuro, leaving Gaara and I sipping coffee together.

"Good coffee?" I asked, breaking the ice.

"My favorite."

"Cheers?" I said, smiling while holding out my mug.

He smirked, clinking his monster mug against my mini mug. "Cheers."

We both sipped our coffee.

"So what would you like to do today?"

"I might go to the balcony."

"I'll go with you."

"You will?"

"Why not?"

We exchanged a smirk.

"What are we doing on the balcony?" I asked.

"You'll see."

* * *

Gaara and I were on the balcony. There were cactus plants lining the picket railing in pots. And because we live in sunny Suna, it was hot as hell up there. I'm going to be a baked potato.

Gaara walked over to a large square planter and picked it up, coming back to me. He placed it near a wide wooden storage bin. Gaara opened the bin and pulled out a small packet.

"Are we gardening?" I asked.

"Cacti."

"One of your hobbies?"

He nodded. _I never would have guessed…_

"It's a nice hobby." I decided. "I can't remember many of mine. I like to write, but the rest… I don't know of."

It can be boring when you aren't even sure of your hobbies. Luckily, I can at least remember one. Though, maybe I could enjoy this hobby as well?

Gaara sat next to the planter. I sat next to him, curious. I want to grow some and throw them at Kankuro, starting the attack of the killer cacti. _Nah, I'm kidding…_

"Can I plant one?"

He held out the pack. "You can plant more than one if you like."

I smiled and accepted the offer, digging out three marble sized seeds.

"Thanks."

Gaara took some seeds out, holding them in his palm.

"So, what do we do? I don't think I've ever done this before."

"Watch."

He used his thumb to jab a hole on his side of the planter, nudging it in gently. I attempted to copy him, poking my own thumb in the earth and slipping the seed in.

"It has to be further down." Gaara corrected, lightly pressing my finger to nudge the seed.

"Okay." I replied a bit surprised at the sudden contact.

Gaara pushed some dirt over the hole, covering the seed.

I copied him. In the end, we had planted eight cacti together, Gaara correcting me if I didn't push the seed deep enough.

"Gaara?"

He looked up from his work.

"I've been wondering… Do you name them?"

"Them?"

"Do you name your cacti?" I clarified.

"No, I don't think I've ever named them."

"They need names." I declared, pensively looking at the cacti around me.

He gave me a questioning look.

"We should give them names, any ideas?" I continued.

"You can name them if you like. I don't have any names in mind." Gaara encouraged. His expression held mild curiosity.

I smiled gleefully, getting up and heading to the ledge where Gaara's grown cacti were and pointed to the tallest one with an arm anchoring off the side. "This one's Old Spike."

Gaara widened his eyes, amazed by my weirdness. I don't blame him. I'm pretty high up on the crazy scale.

I pointed to Old Spike's neighbor, a shrunken bulb-like plant with tuffs on the top and said "And here's Little Fluff."

Gaara smirked, amused.

"This one's Cactapus." I said, pointing to a medium sized cactus with numerous branches veering off of it.

Gaara held his smirk, waiting for me to continue.

"And this one…" I continued, pointing to a huge tower of a cactus with almost impossibly bigger spikes. "… is Prick."

"The names suit them." He remarked.

"Yeah, I would hate to fall on Prick." I said, walking over to Gaara who was still sitting by our newly planted cacti. "That would be overdone acupuncture."

"It would." he agreed.

I smiled, pleased.

"It isn't good to be out in the sun for too long at this time of day. We should go in." Gaara reasoned.

I agreed. The other thing I had learned up here was that the desert is the world's largest toaster oven. It has no mercy.

* * *

"Finished already?" I asked Temari and Kankuro when I opened the apartment door.

They were lounging on the coach, watching a show called _Ninja Skillz_. I had absolutely no interest in that particular show. I can't use chakra. I'm no ninja wizard.

"It never ends." Temari sighed, holding up a brick of paperwork for Gaara and I to see.

"How do you do this all day?" Kankuro groaned.

"I just use whatever time I don't use sleeping to finish it." Gaara replied, as if it was a completely logical thing to do. It was in a sense, but it wasn't in favor of his health.

I gave Gaara a worried glance. It isn't my place to lecture him, but I can feel for a fellow human.

"Not anymore you won't." Temari ordered sternly, but calmly, turning to face Gaara.

"You shouldn't have to be up all night. You already have trouble sleeping. Nothing should hinder it." Kankuro stated.

"Okay. I understand, but how will it all be done?" Gaara pushed.

Temari scrunched her face, seemingly pensive. "The council."

"Yeah." Kankuro inputted. "You know how they are. They're probably forking their work onto you." _Lazy bastards._

"No. All the work is a part of my kazekage duties." _Sorry, bastards._

"We'll figure something out." Kankuro assured. "In the meantime, welcome home. What were you two up to?"

Temari looked as if she wanted to continue, but chose otherwise, continuing to mark on her papers while giving half her attention to the TV. Kankuro did the same. If Temari was going down in a flood of paperwork, so was Kankuro. It was a miracle that Gaara didn't drown.

"Well, I'll make supper, any suggestions?" I asked, hoping to ease the tension in the room.

Temari gave a sly smirk. It was time to take care of business.

"Can we have chocolate chip pancakes?" Kankuro asked. I like that idea. Breakfast for supper is my favorite kind of supper.

"I have no problem with that, any objections?"

Nobody objected. Pancakes it is.

I went to work, making sure to smack Kankuro in the butt with the spatula when he tried to eat the chocolate chips. (He got me back with the extra spatula. Kanky the clown is a not so scary clown to be around, but with Spanky Kanky, you should run like hell. I did until Temari bitch spanked him with her fan.)

However, I didn't forget my mission, making sure to put a teaspoon of Temari's sleeping medicine in Gaara's pancakes when Gaara and Kankuro weren't looking.

When I finished, we all sat at the table to eat our pancake supper, whip cream and all. To be honest, I think we skipped supper and went to dessert.

We were about halfway through our meal when the medicine kicked in. Gaara slumped forward, his faced cushioned by his creamy pancake pillow; mission complete.

"Wow, he must be really tired today." Kankuro inferred, amazed.

"He wouldn't have slept at all if we didn't drug him." Temari explained, taking credit for her work and giving me a high five. She had a smug look on her face, rubbing in her victory.

That's right, Kankuro, there's no reason to wait on drugging him.

"You didn't…" he started.

"There's nothing a little bit of elephant tranquilizer can't solve."

* * *

Gaara woke up the next morning to discover that he had fallen asleep on his pancake. He looked so well rested; I don't think he even cared about looking like demon Santa. (Santa with black eyeliner does not work.)

So when Gaara woke up, he declared "I slept." in awe.

"It's a Christmas miracle." I declared while sipping my tea next to him.

Kankuro gave a whoop from down the hall. Temari simply smirked knowingly at Gaara from the opposite end of the table.

Gaara… well, drank a lot less coffee that morning. He even used an average mug.

* * *

A/N: How was it? Reviews are love~

Next Chapter: Things that are Hard


	5. Things that are Hard

Chapter: Things that are Hard

A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed, followed, or gave me a favorite. You all have my thanks.

Enjoy~

* * *

Dear Starface,

Never ask Gaara to role play as Santa. His "Ho-ho-ho" would make a child either shit their pants, or die of laughter. But you don't have a face to see demon Santa, do you? That just means that you'll always be my bitch. Suck it up, at least you're pretty!

Bitches of mine are forever gorgeous,

Kira

* * *

Temari slapped a letter down on the table, evidently ready to declare something. "We're going to Konoha the day after tomorrow."

"Why?" Gaara asked from his seat (Yes, he still looks like demon Santa.), not really arguing, but wondering why we would be travelling all of a sudden.

"I want to know as well." Kankuro muttered, clinking some bottles around in the fridge.

I sat next to Gaara, still sipping my tea and inwardly cackling a Gaara's whipped cream beard. I had no problem with her declaration. I'm just going with the flow as usual.

"We can get some sleeping medicine for Gaara. We can't use elephant tranquilizer all the time." Temari explained.

"Why not, it worked." Gaara argued, not mad, but questioning. He had no problem with his drugging it seemed. Whatever knocked him out cold was accepted.

"I used a small dose, but really, elephant tranquilizer is, as its name says, for elephants." Temari stated.

"Couldn't it be sent here?" Kankuro questioned, not seeing why the trip was needed.

"We haven't visited in a while… Besides, there's a new hokage." It was obvious that she had intentions other than political, seeing as her boyfriend lives there.

"I don't see any problem with it. I haven't seen Naruto in a while." Gaara agreed.

"I'm outnumbered. Konoha it is." Kankuro sided.

My lips pouted slightly as I realized I might be left alone. After all, I doubt I was needed. I would probably just slow them down on their way, seeing as I wasn't a ninja and couldn't hope to match their speed.

"Kira, you can come as well." Gaara assured, noticing my discomfort.

I gave him a smile. "Thanks."

* * *

When Temari and Kankuro left to be Gaara's substitutes, it was of course, just Gaara and I left in the house. We sat in front of the TV, choosing a horror movie to pass the time.

"This one looks good…" Gaara stated, holding up a movie.

I fell on the floor. The movie is called _Dr. Hardwood's Funhouse_. It sounds more like an erotic movie then a horror one. I'm surprised Gaara didn't laugh.

"What's wrong? Is it too scary?" Gaara asked, seeming a bit concerned. He's definitely more mature than I am. I have no clue how he can keep a straight face.

"Ha-ha. Oh… Oh… It's..." I replied before bursting out laughing again, crying a river in the process.

When my vision cleared, I was greeted with a concerned Gaara, awkwardly handing me a tissue.

"Thank you." I choked, taking the tissue and wiping my eyes.

"Are you alright?" he asked, still concerned.

Yes, the picture of the gruesome zombie on the movie case is scary, but not enough to make me cry.

"I'm fine." I assured. "It's just the name…"

I fell over in a fit of giggles again, spurting waterfalls.

I swear I saw him roll his eyes. _The sass…_ "The name…?"

"Hard… ha-ha… wood's… funhouse." I huffed, quickly entering now painful laughter.

Realization seemed to dawn on him. "Oh…"

He stifled a laugh.

"Can't stop!" I cried, rolling ungracefully on the floor.

"Who would-" Gaara gasped, seemingly strangled. "Name a movie that?"

We reached across the carpet, trying to calm each other.

"Gaara, I think I'm… ha-ha… dying!"

"What?" he bolted upright, rushing over to the trembling me.

"Of l-laughter." I explained, still stuttering.

"Oh…"

Our laugh attack had ended. We could now demolish all thoughts that could get us killed by morning people with a horror movie marathon.

And so we watched numerous horror movies side by side without a giggle… at least until we came to a terrifyingly scary part. I'm not even going to describe it. I jumped at Gaara like the world was falling, bear hugging him. Even Gaara looked a bit blanched.

"Dr. Hardwood's Funhouse." I bombed.

Let the struggle commence.

Yes, we drugged ourselves before Temari and Kankuro got home. This time, it was not cough syrup, but good ol' elephant tranquilizer.

* * *

"Shortcake, wake up." Someone ordered, beside me.

My bet is that it's Kankuro. _Damn him and his creepy nickname…_

My eyelids fluttered, eyes meeting said clown. "Nope… nope… nope…"

I closed my eyes again, snuggling into the warmth that was beside me.

"Gaara can't move." he snickered.

"Huh?"

"It's okay; I'm not working today anyways." I heard Gaara say beside me.

_Wait, beside me?_

I opened my eyes with a start, hazily observing my surroundings. Gaara and I had slept on the couch, me using his shoulder as a pillow.

_Oh dear god…_

"Sorry." I apologized, bolting my head up.

"Its fine." he assured, sitting up.

I'm pretty sure a rouge blush flushed my cheeks, so I turned my face, not wanting Gaara to wonder if I was ill again. Kankuro would sure love that.

"Well, I'll go make breakfast." I exclaimed, wanting to flee for the time being.

"It's three in the afternoon." Kankuro sighed, not seeing how anybody could sleep in for that long. _Not everyone's a morning person, Kankuro._

"What?!" I cried.

"You slept in… by a lot."

"Hahaha… shit." _Nothing I can do now…_

"At least there's no work to do…" Gaara stated, reassuringly.

Speaking of which, I should let Karma know that I'm leaving. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone…

"Gaara, want to come see Karma with me? I'd like to say goodbye before we head out, so we might as well go there for almost breakfast." I invited.

"They have good coffee… Okay." Gaara joined, content with getting his daily shot of caffine.

"I'd come too, but I've got stuff to do. I guess I'll have to stop by later…" Kankuro fretted.

You know what? I think I'll have some fun with this… He deserves it.

"Does she have a secret admirer?" I asked, teasingly.

"What? Oh… No…" he defended, obviously lying. I could tell by his nervous looking face.

I gave him an evil smirk. He had it coming.

* * *

"Good morning, sweet Karma!" I exclaimed, hugging my adorably dressed friend. (She was dressed up like a doll in a frilly pink bunny apron and a yellow sundress.)

Unlike me, she actually has outfit variety. Though, I can't complain. I've got it pretty good for someone who woke up with absolutely nothing after an… extremely screwed up incident.

Gaara and I had arrived at Karma's bakery. As we came a bit after three, the store wasn't overly busy, giving Karma lots of time to spend time with us.

"Good morning." Gaara greeted, standing by the door.

"Morning~" Karma chirped. "For a visit or for something to eat?"

"Both." I said eager to stuff my face.

"Okay then, I'll get on it." she said, winking and heading to the kitchen to fetch our sweets.

Gaara and I took a seat by the window. We sat across from each other. There was a seat for Karma facing the window.

"What's Konoha like?" I asked him, curious to know.

Is it full of sand too? Is it on a volcano? As long as it doesn't blow the gasket, I'm cool. Maybe it's like Atlantis? I've reason to believe that anything is possible. It could even be over the rainbow for all I know.

"It's in Fire Country, but it's different than Suna." he explained.

"How so?"

"You'll like it. Don't ruin the surprise."

I pouted, though due to his slight smirk, I think he found it amusing than I did. "I hate surprises."

"Surprises are always worth the wait." Gaara bantered.

"Unless they kill you with anticipation…" I whined.

Our banter was cut short when the kitchen doors swung open, revealing a giant tray of brownies… and our dear sweet friend… coffee. Karma had brought out a motherlode of that stuff. My guess is that she remembered Gaara's love for coffee.

Whatever uneasiness she had once had for him seemed to have vanished. She was only wary of him in the first place, not terrified. Having met him, she had nothing to fear. She neatly placed the tray down in the center of the table, and then poured out three heaping mugs of coffee, one for each of us.

Gaara and I thanked her and well… I… maybe… ate my weight's worth of brownies. And as usual, there was more eating/drinking coffee/face stuffing than actual talking. We did talk however, after I wiped the chocolate off my face.

"So, what have you guys been up to?" Karma started, having enough of the silence. "I've just been working."

"I've been off work for a bit." Gaara replied. I doubted he would tell her why exactly.

"I've been with him. We planted cacti and watched horror movies." I exclaimed, having quite enjoyed it. To be honest, I rather liked spending time with Gaara.

"You two like horror movies?" Karma inferred, stating the obvious.

"Love 'em" I corrected, I've come to really enjoy laughing my ass off at their titles. The scare… That was just a bonus.

"I agree with that." Gaara mentioned, casually sipping his coffee.

"To be honest…" Karma started, slightly uneasy. "I've never watched one."

"You're missing out. The ones we watched were hilarious."

Karma paled, shock evident in her eyes. "I never would have thought…"

I chuckled, patting her on the shoulder. _How adorable…_

* * *

After a joyful time with my two favourite people, I was reminded that Gaara and I would have to return home. There was packing to do… and I hadn't even started. _Heh…heh…_

"Gaara, would you mind if I borrowed Kira for a second?" Karma asked, right before we were about to leave the bakery.

"Sure." I agreed, curious as to what she wanted.

I gave him a soft smile. "I'll be home in a bit."

He returned it, and we parted ways, him walking down the path to the Kazekage Tower.

I turned to Karma, turning on my curious face. _What was she going to tell me that she couldn't say around Gaara?_

When I saw her head lowered, and her fists gripping her apron, I was genuinely worried. "Karma?" I said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Is there anything wrong?" It couldn't be about Gaara. I was positive that she had gotten over whatever fear she held for him.

"K-Kira…" A small tear flowed down her cheek, partially covered by a strand of blonde hair. "I j-just wanted to say th-that the bakery's shop will most likely be closing…."

I pulled her into a friendly squeeze. The bakery meant a lot to her. Being a family business, Karma had grown up with it, and was even looking forward to taking over the business. It was a huge part of her dream of becoming a cake decorator.

"It's n-not the siblings who are doing this. It's the council…" Karma assured, trembling.

I don't want to pressure the siblings, but they have power within the village. They can help with the council. Gaara deals with them all the time, and although they are supposedly hard to deal with, Gaara is the Kazekage. As far as I know, he outranks them.

Karma gave a final sniffle before we pulled apart. There were tear stains streaked across her cheeks.

"Do you want me to bring it up with the siblings? They might be able to do something…" I offered, wanting to aid my newfound friend.

"You really don't have to. I wouldn't want to cause you or them any trouble. I just wanted to let you know in case I'm forced to move out…"

"I'll do it anyways. Anything for a friend."

"Thank you so much!" she beamed. "But you still don't have to…"

"I want to." I pressed. It's time to bring out the big guns. The bestie is under attack. I would do whatever I possibly could to help her. I hadn't known her for that long. That was true. But it was the same case with the siblings. I had to help my friend, as I was truly grateful for having them. In the beginning, I was so lost in this world.

Suddenly a light bulb flashed in my twisted brain, and I got an idea. It wouldn't solve them problem, but maybe it could take some of the stress off Karma's back.

I smirked. "Karma, I have an idea."

"What is it?" she questioned, biting her lower lip.

"Follow me…"

We pushed through the bakery door, Karma following me to the vacant training ground that Gaara and I had used for my failed training session.

"Are you sure we should be here?" Karma worried, unsure. "We aren't ninjas."

"Who's here to stop us?"

"Point taken."

I picked up a stray rock that weighed as much as a bowling ball, handing it over to Karma.

"What's this for?" she asked, clumsily holding the rock in her small hands.

"Have you a sharpie anywhere?"

"What's a sharpie?"

"A strongly scented marker, which is permanent."

"I think so…"

_No, we aren't going to forget our troubles by getting high on sharpies._

"Anything to plug our noses with?"

"I think so…" she giggled.

"Inside?"

"Nope, I got some right here." Karma said, conveniently pulling out three of the little brain cell murderers.

I held out my hand, to which she handed me a neon pink rip off Sharpie. "What are we going to use to plug our noses with?"

"…You were serious?" Karma exclaimed, surprised.

"Completely."

"…I think being outside could blow the fumes away…"

"Fair enough."

"…What are we doing exactly?" Karma wondered aloud, awkwardly fumbling with the rock.

"Well my sweet Karma, we're going to write all our worries unto a rock, say 'fuck it', and… shit we live in the desert…" No oceans in sight.

Karma smirked, amused.

"…I'll bring it with me, and chuck it into the ocean when I get the chance." I continued, smiling coyly.

"Okay."

I picked up a rock that weighed two bowling balls, and sat criss-cross with it between my legs. Karma sat in the same fashion, facing me. "Let's write!"

I made sure not to breathe in many fumes, and rightfully warned Karma, when I thought she was breathing in too much.

I wrote this:

1\. I'll never remember a damn thing.

2\. Gaara might figure out about that naughty dream I had about him once.

3\. Kankuro will screw me over.

4\. I'm going to get tied up by Temari and Kankuro again.

5\. Karasu's going to kiss/kill me.

6\. I'll have to clean Kankuro's room again.

7\. The only colour the world will ever see is beige.

8\. Temari will kill me for my bullshit.

9\. Gaara will use "Stay sexy" in public.

10\. Karma's bakery will be taken away.

11\. Elephant tranquilizer will knock Gaara out for good.

12\. I'm going to be mistaken for a stripper.

13\. This rip off sharpie will cause me to lose the last of my brain cells.

Karma wrote this:

1\. My bakery will be taken away.

2\. I'll never become a professional cake decorator.

3\. Kankuro will think up a worse nickname.

I then took Karma's rock in my arms, ready to go home.

"Are you sure you can carry all of that?" Karma asked, furrowing her brow.

"I'll be fine."

"You sure." _Have some faith… I may have almost died twice, but that just means I'm a trooper._

"I've got the big guns." I exaggerated, showing her my triceps.

She looked at me as if she was saying 'Bitch, please. Do you even lift?'

"Kira, no offense, but you're as thin as a stick…" Karma pointed out, squashing my outreached triceps with ease.

"And as small as a leprechaun. Though, don't worry. I'll manage. "I parodied.

"Don't die…" she whined, jokingly.

"It's a promise."

And so I started off, hefting my three bowling ball load… and stubbed my toe on another lone bowling ball rock. I screeched, foolishly dropping my pebbles of doom. Karma's monster pebble landed with a thump beside me. Unfortunately, it wasn't the one the landed smack dab on my right foot, smashing into it with a nasty crunch. I'll let you guess which one did the job.

I fell over sideways, screaming profanities.

"Kira!" Karma exclaimed, footsteps pounding over the dry desert ground.

She promptly helped me up, though I couldn't stand on my own.

* * *

"I NEED A DOCTOR!" I panicked, flopping down on the hospital bed.

"Yes, I'll help you."

"DOCTOR, DOCTOR, GIVE ME THE NEWS! IT HAD BETTER BE A MINOR FRACTURE!"

"Kira, calm down, everything will be alright."

"MY ASS!"

"I get that you're upset right now, but please, you have to calm down"

I looked the weathered doctor dead in the eyes. "MY FOOT LOOKS LIKE SHREK'S!"

"The hell is Shrek?" I heard Kankuro whisper to Gaara. (The sibling's plus Karma were observing my pain behind the doctors.)

"I don't know" Gaara sighed.

"A BIG-ASS GREEN OGRE! ASK MY BRAIN HOW I KNOW!" I hollered, panicked.

Nina whispered something in doctor-man's ear. He rightfully jabbed a five inch needle into my foot.

"AHHHH, WARNING PLEASE!"

Suna has shitty doctors. No wonder why Gaara has to get his meds from Konoha. We use elephant tranquilizer, for god's sake. I could use some right about now.

I overheard Temari give a snarky comment. "Low pain tolerance much?"

"LET'S SEE YOU DROP TWO BOWLING BALLS ON YOUR FOOT!"

"Stop your bullshit." She glowered, rightfully stabbing me in the arm with a tranquilizer dart.

"My savior…"

And then I flopped on the bed, dreaming about bowling. I kicked everyone's ass, I assure you. I made sure to chuck the damn thing as far as I could.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of steady beeping of the heart monitor and saw Gaara, looking awesome surrounded in mist fog.

"Morning hotcakes, how's it going in heaven?"

I swear he never looked so amused. "Good…?"

"That's good. Heh…heh… Did it hurt when you fell?"

"No, my sand caught me."

"Oh, my god. The earth is your bitch."

"Really?"

"Yeah, no, the universe. The whole universe is like damn, gotta tap dat ass."

"I think the doctors gave you too much painkiller."

"Please, having you here is healing my heart."

"So, you're feeling better?"

"Honey, the dead would be raised just to see your kissalishious face."

I noticed from the fog, two figures, withering on the floor. "Gaara, someone's ruining our moment!"

"Our moment?"

"You know you, me. The bed…"

I started to hear wracking laughter coming from the two mysterious figures. They were half sobbing.

"Gaara, hurry up. My body is ready."

"What…?"

"I'm feeling freaky fresh. Are you feeling it?"

"It's the painkiller."

"Babe, only you could cause me pain… with my permission."

"I'm not even going to bother. You aren't yourself."

"It's my inner demon, clawing its way over to meet yours…"

"I'm not even going to ask…"

"You don't have to~"

I felt something jab into my left arm. "Aww, you want to be creative, now don't you?"

And then, my brain decided that it was time to shut up, and let me enter a very creative dream.

* * *

"Morning hotcakes, how's it going in heaven?" A voice asked, softly but snapping me out of my tranquilized sleep. _Who the hell's calling me hotcakes? Oh god… did Kankuro strike again…?_ That's probably the most obvious cake-related stripper name ever. I mean, I thought I got it bad with the Shortcake one.

I popped my dreary eyes open. It was none other than Gaara, looking a bit startled at my sudden awakening. Maybe he didn't mean for me to hear that? _I have no problem with it~ _

"Pretty sweet~" I chirped, rubbing my eyes.

"The doctors gave you too much painkiller…" Gaara explained.

"I feel fine~"

"When you _last_ woke up." he clarified.

I know nothing. I must have been hella high. "Oh… shit… What did I do?"

"It was… interesting. Temari and Kankuro sure enjoyed it." _This does not sound good…_

"Did I say anything… out of line…?" Hopefully, it wasn't too bad. I could have let my inner asshole out…

"You're forgiven. It wasn't your fault that you were given too much painkiller."

"Thank you." Knowing me, it was possibly horrifying.

"No problem."

"I'd come over and hug you, but I'm not sure how my foot's going." It had looked pretty shrekish last evening…

He looked slightly surprised, like he wasn't expecting it. Someone needs a good ol' hug.

"Come on over~" I chirped, throwing my arms out, and smiling like an idiot.

He hesitated for a second, to which I whined "Please, my foot hurts~" _Actually, it doesn't. I just want a hug. Yeah, I'm an asshole._

When he reached me, I made sure to give him a _big_ hug.

And then _freaking _Kankuro decided to walk in, with _freaking _Temari behind him, and Gaara just had to _freaking_ release our bear hug.

"Morning hotcakes, how's it going in Heaven?" Temari teased, ruffling me on the head.

"Yeah, did it hurt when you fell?" Kankuro joined, trying to muffle a laugh.

"The heck…" I blurted, giving them a blank stare. Gaara did say what Temari just said…

"No… hah… Gaara's sand caught you…!" Kankuro half laughed, clutching the bed post on the side opposite to Temari.

I turned to Gaara. "Can you explain this…?" I'm normally the one laughing like a maniac.

"They're repeating what you said when you last woke up."

At least I wasn't a bitch. I wouldn't want to hurt anybody… But, I've embarrassed myself, and so all I could respond with was a profound blush. _Screw it all!_

"I'm so sorry about that. I probably said some… ah… interesting things." I apologized.

"Like I said, you're forgiven."

"May I have another hug? My foot hurts." _No it doesn't~_

Kankuro sprung on me like a cat (Which is ironic, considering his hood.), and hugged me like I was his favourite person in the world. I have no clue why.

Kankuro hug bombed me! _Well, I'll just have to jump Gaara later… Heh…heh…_

"I think Kankuro's got it…" Gaara rejected awkwardly.

I patted Kankuro on the back, hoping to calm him down. His makeup was practically running down his face, turning it into a purple canvas of pity. "There, there…"

Gaara had to bring over the tissue box from across the room, because not only did Kankuro cry, Temari cried too. (I can't believe it either) I cried, because I was laughing at Kankuro's face. Gaara just stood there like a robot, awkwardly handing us tissues.

Nina came, the nurse who I met when I first got mind fucked by the portal lady. "What happened…?" Nina blurted, dumbstruck at the sight of the Kazekage's siblings and her insufferable patient ripping through a tissue box like rabid animals.

Kankuro said "Kira."

* * *

"So, I'm good to go…?" I asked, staring hopefully at Nina from my bed. We had all calmed down, though it had taken us an hour to do so.

"Well… if you haven't noticed, there's a cast on your foot. It was broken pretty badly, but it should heal fine. It's just a precaution. We used medical jutsu on it, but it needs some time to fully heal." Nina replied, still looking at me like I'm some sort of oddity.

"Okay. Do I get crutches?"

"Yes."

"Sweet~" _I've now got a bitch spanker! Temari, you're not the only one!_

"Yeah, try not to put too much pressure on it. That's all…"

"Got it."

"Come to the desk whenever you're ready to check out."

"Kay."

Nina paced out, most likely happy to escape. She had, after all, walked in at an awkward time.

I threw back my covers, ready to set out on our Konoha adventure. According to Gaara, it's worth the surprise. If it's another desert village, I highly doubt that… As much as I've enjoyed my stay in Suna thus far, there was only so much beige I could take.

"Aww, how sweet, they gave me a dress." I stated blandly.

"It's flattering." Temari scoffed at my pink polka dotted hospital gown.

"I know, right."

I hung my legs out over the bed, facing the siblings with a smirk. "Does anyone have my clothes?"

"We forgot them." Temari replied, raising her shoulders slightly, a coy smirk lining her face.

"Thanks. I love you too."

"I can't say that I hate you."

"Can someone help me?"

Gaara, was oh so helpful, and assisted me in my time of need. He put his arm under my shoulders, helping me balance. Temari handed me my crutches, and Kankuro handed me one of my shoes.

"Thanks."

When I had adjusted to my new form of transportation, peg leg walking like a pirate, I headed towards the door. "Let's hit the road!"

No footsteps followed me.

I stopped, turning a bit to look back. "Guys?"

"Kira, I think you should check your form of dress." Gaara stated, averting his eyes.

Kankuro just stared at me. I know I'm fabulous.

"A hospital gown will have to do, no? It's not like I have anything else to wear. You don't have to look away. This gown is gorgeous, right Temari?" I countered, peg legging towards my companions.

"Don't you… feel the breeze?" Temari asked, trying to convince me that Gaara is right.

"That's what I like about dresses. They allow so much freedom."

"For god's sake Kira, your _ass _is showing!" Temari cried, hurrying towards me and pulling the two fabric pieces together, buttoning them snugly. Goodbye freedom. Hello decency.

"Sorry guys, I think I mooned you…" I apologized, a blush creeping across my cheeks.

"It's okay; I've seen the moon lots of times." Kankuro replied, lazily scratching the back of his head.

"KANKURO!" I think it's pretty obvious who that was, but I'll tell you one thing. It wasn't me. Though, it sure lightened up my mood. There was some bitch spanking involved…

Gaara and I left the room, leaving poor Kankuro to face his punishment, to which he screamed "traitors!"

That's what you get for sneaking a peak at my ass, Temari's bitch spanking. Gaara had the decency to advert his eyes. Kankuro should learn a lesson or two from Gaara. If there's a next time, well, I've got my own personal bitch spanker right alongside me.

"Gaara?" I started.

"Hmm?"

"Can we make a stop at the tower before we leave? I don't think Kankuro would survive another incident." I asked, hearing Kankuro's shrieks from down the hall.

"Sure."

We walked side by side down the hallway, listening to Temari's screams of anguish and Kankuro's screams of horror.

* * *

A/N: So, how was it? Since my chapters are now longer, expect a longer amount of time between updates. After all, I want to give quality work! Reviews are love. :3

Next Chapter : Trip'in


	6. Trip'in

Chapter : Trip'in

A/N: Gaaras master, aishachase97, Be-Mindful, and guest reviewer, thanks to you all for reviewing, as well as to any who gave me a follow or a favorite!

Enjoy~

* * *

Dear Starface,

I hate rocks.

I will hate them forever,

And ever,

Until I go to my grave.

They are horrid creatures,

Waiting for you to turn a corner,

Stub your toe,

Then "bam!" you've got Shrek foot.

They deserve to burn in hell,

But they'd melt into lava,

And burn you,

Like a paper doll.

They are evil,

Hell's demons in disguise,

Always there,

Causing pain upon the living.

Rocks suck,

And want to make my life insanity.

Screw rocks,

Because I hate them.

I think I've written a beautiful piece of poetry.

Avoid rocks,

Kira

* * *

"So, are we ready to go now…?" I whined, sitting on the couch, in between Gaara and Temari.

"Just a moment!" called Kankuro, _still _getting his shit together. You'd think he'd hurry up. Temari's starting to look scary… She almost has no iris…

I'm doing something about this, before Temari takes out her bitch spanker. While hearing his screams back at the hospital, I felt a little bad for the guy. Okay, maybe I laughed… a lot, but I swear I felt a little bad.

"I'll get him." I assured Temari, hoping that my fake smile looked at least a bit real. It was taking all my effort to not become a puddle of tears on the floor, begging Temari for mercy. I'd done nothing, but if you saw her face…

I felt bad leaving Gaara with his irritated sister, who ranted on and on about how _pissed_ she was at Kankuro. He's a great listener, that's for sure.

I hammered my fists on Kankuro's door.

"What?" he snapped, as the door clicked open, somehow without him moving from his spot on the floor. He must have the force or something.

Kankuro was stuffing the majority of his belongings into one of those magic scrolls that Gaara and Temari were using earlier. I have no chakra, and had to share a scroll with Temari.

"I'd hurry. Temari looks _pissed_… She even reached for the bitch spanker once or twice." I warned.

"I'm coming." Kankuro grumbled, annoyed.

"She's making the face." I added.

"_The_ face?" Kankuro asked, wanting to know if I was serious; something that most people wonder when they witness my antics.

"_The _face." I confirmed.

"Oh, hell no." He paled, rolling up his scroll and slinging it over his shoulder. "On my way."

"He's coming~" I chirped, casually joining the others at the door. "So… who's driving?"

"Driving?" Temari asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, we wouldn't be running all the way would we?"

They continued to stare at me, as if I had grown a unicorn horn. That sounds more awesome than it actually is.

"You guys have a car right?" I questioned, hoping I was right.

"…"

"An automobile?"

"…"

"It's not just any automobile right? It's a race car."

"…"

"I admit my insanity." I gave in to their confused stares.

"The intervention is over." Temari scoffed, scurrying ahead, and then yelling "Kankuro, I'm leaving!"

_Temari, there never was one…_

To, be honest, I want to be normal. Yeah, I know I'm weird in general. I accept and enjoy being that way, but my situation has pushed the boundaries of weird. An alien from another world; that wasn't what I wanted to be, and yet I couldn't deny that I was.

No, I don't mope about it. I've been kept busy, but every once in a while, I can feel a pang in my chest; a sense of longing.

I don't belong here.

The siblings… They make me feel more at home. That's true. But I can't help but feel as if I'm not where I'm supposed to be.

_But if it's not in this world, where is it?_

"You're a unique individual, though not insane." Gaara assured, lifting my sunken spirits by a margin.

Sometimes, I can't help but get a bit down at how I'm so unsure about everything. I feel like a toddler, not knowing enough about the world around me.

"Thanks, I needed that." I smiled, thoroughly grateful.

Those words were absolutely true.

* * *

"Pwaaa!" I've got sand in my mouth again.

_Oh, joy!_

There goes my pay. I've got to buy my money's worth of toothpaste now. Once you hit ten mouthfuls, your mouth needs a good scrubbing.

"We'll stop here for the night." Gaara stated, slowing to a stop.

I'm on his back, and I'm not even that heavy compared to his gourd. I probably weigh as much as Temari's bitch spanker slung across her back, or at least almost as much.

Kankuro's got the lazy man's grocery load, his magic scroll, and Gaara's gourd. Temari's still a bit irritated with the whole "I've seen lots of moons." fiasco, so Kankuro didn't even bother trying to make Temari take the load. Temari can be one intimidating girl.

I slid off Gaara's back, my feet making a 'puff' as they hit the sand.

"Already?" Kankuro exclaimed. "We haven't even reached the forest yet."

"We would have." Gaara countered, grabbing me. (I'm not supposed to put weight on my foot, but I forgot. _Silly me~_)

I guess he isn't too happy about Kankuro's hours of packing either. He just has more patience than Temari.

"Won't it get cold…?" I questioned, knowing of the cold desert nights. At first, it had seemed strange to have such heavy bedsheets in the desert, but I soon realized why. Desert nights were _freezing_. My marshmallow mountain of a bed isn't unreasonable at all.

"We always pack… just in case a sandstorm occurs." Kankuro assured, rolling out his scroll.

"Well, thank you. I'd probably find some way to get lost." And it would be over a very stupid reason… I would have been like 'Hey, it's Prick two!' A classic butterfly analogy would pop up, and I'd of course, be stupid oblivious me, and fall for it.

"Yes, you would." Gaara decided. "You would find some way to do it."

_Well damn, he agrees. If we get hit by a sandstorm, I'm screwed._

"Yep." I agreed, pouting slightly.

Gaara made me sit down, so he could help the other siblings set up camp. I decided to draw pictures in the sand to pass the time. I'd help them, but I was in no condition to do so. The things I found myself drawing, I couldn't explain.

_Race cars… where have I seen them?_

Not in Suna, leaving me with a suspicious feeling in my chest. It made me question myself_. _

_Am I even human? Do I even belong in this world?_

I was brought here with anything important omitted from my memory. While I'd been kept busy with the siblings, my discomfort couldn't help but rise up as I sat there by myself.

"What's that?" Temari asked. The siblings had finished setting up camp.

"A race car…" I replied, knowing she wouldn't get it.

"No clue what that it." Temari blanked, heading inside the tent.

"Shortcake, you're one strange girl." Kankuro murmured, following her.

"A race car… What is it?" Gaara asked.

"I'm E.T. But please, don't tell me to go home. I don't even know where it is." I grumbled, destroying the drawing with a stroke of my hand.

"E.T.?" Gaara wondered aloud.

"Sometimes, I just don't know…" I explained, hoping my sadness over the matter of me slipping up once again, didn't come out in my voice.

"Kira?" Gaara started, sitting down next to me.

"Hmm?" I urged him to continue.

"We'll figure it out." he assured, calming me somewhat.

"…Gaara?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks. I really appreciate it and all. There's so much I don't know…" I appreciated, giving him a thankful smile.

"You can always ask." Gaara assured.

"…Okay, so could you tell me a little bit about the world, if you don't mind?" I spoke hesitantly. I don't want to put him off further, but the more I know the better.

"I don't mind. What would you like to know?" Gaara agreed.

"How did I end up here?" _I mean, what the hell happened?_

"How did you end up here?'' Gaara confirmed.

"Yeah, there are so many things that seem so logical to me, that just don't occur here."

"Like E.T.?" Gaara asked, referring to my previous statement.

I laughed, leaning back onto the sandy ground. "Yes, like E.T."

"What did you mean by E.T.?" he wondered.

"Well, to be honest, it was a joke. E.T., extra-terrestrial, I think it's a movie I've seen. But then, I'm kind of like an E.T. It's like I well, I do like it here… I'm just not sure if it's where I'm from. It's like there's somewhere else, in another world. But I don't know enough to be completely sure if I am an extra-terrestrial, or if I inhaled too many Sharpie fumes. I just, don't know…" I explained, trying to explain thing the best I can, even though I don't understand myself.

He seemed confused with the Sharpie comment, but ignored it, not bothering to question that one strange tidbit, and instead responding to my words in general.

"You do belong here, like everyone else." Gaara corrected, lifting my spirit.

In response, I jumped up and hugged him, probably startling him, but his words called for a hug. I won't question where I'm from again. _Dimensions, worlds, whatever…_ As a fellow human, I belong wherever there are humans.

"You were found by a squad in the outskirts of Suna, seemingly attacked." Gaara informed.

"Thank you." I may have shed a tear of happiness, but please don't tell anyone. My womanliness is at stake.

_Nah, I'm kidding. I don't care, tell the world!_ _I'm not an alien!_

When, I finished wiping away my stray tear, I released the hug. He still had to half hug me so I wouldn't put pressure on my foot. I guess there are some advantages to dropping a two bowling ball rock on my foot. Rocks still should burn in hell, but I'm liking this moment with my spirit lifter. (Not to mention, I scared the shit out of him.)

"I need to repay you." I stated, feeling grateful.

"No, you don't." Gaara rejected.

"I'm not letting this drop." I warned, ready for a 'yes/no' battle if needed.

"Neither am I." Gaara rebuked stubbornly.

"I guess I have to repay you when you least expect it." I concluded, keeping true to my words.

"I'm a ninja." he replied as if that would end it.

"I have my ways…" I smirked.

"Don't you always…" he chuckled.

"We always have these sorts of conversations, don't we?" I commented, reflecting on our previous playful banters… or at least, I regard them as playful. I'm not sure if Gaara realizes every time I try to pull his leg.

"We do…"

"They're fun."

"They are."

I shivered, my body reminding me of the cold desert night temperatures. "Can we go by the fire? It's getting cold…"

"It is…" he agreed, helping me hobble over to the campfire he had previously made.

We sat in front of it, near the mouth of the tent. I warmed my hands by the fire, a cozy feeling warming my soul.

I feel more at home now. Maybe this has always been where I've belonged. I know it sounds bad, but I must be a recovered Sharpie addict… It's better than being an alien, at least in my opinion. I'd rather be an accepted member of society, not some otherworldly being, scouring the Earth for a sense of acceptance.

"Gaara?" I started.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm still cold… so I'm going to hug you." I declared, giving a giant bear hug, scaring the shit out of him once again. (It's amusing, to be honest. I'm not doing it just to be creepy. His face whenever I do it is priceless.)

Kankuro happened. He came out of the tent… at the wrong time. _Kill me now._

"Hey guys, did I leave my-" Kankuro started, eyes almost popping out of their sockets when he realized what I was doing to Gaara.

Kankuro stared at me.

I stared back.

Kankuro stared at Gaara.

I looked at Gaara. _What are we going to do…?_

He gave me a glance that quite clearly said 'I have no fucking clue. Bullshit him.'

_The queen of bullshiting will not fail!_

"He-y Kankuro, I think you left your paint near the side of the tent. I have shitty balance. _Yarrr!_ I'm a pirate!"

Gaara gave me another look that said 'You've fucked up bad. We're screwed.'

I'm sorry Gaara. In my defense, I'm so full of it, I can't be trusted to do anything sensible, and come out fine. Try to help Karma, get Shrek foot. Try to clean the house, almost die. Try to not inhale Sharpie fumes, inhale too many. I'm like a walking contradiction between good and bullshit.

"Okay then." Kankuro said, raising an eyebrow. _Oh, don't you raise your eyebrow at me! I deserve a jaw drop!_

_No? Well, I tried…_

"Hmmm… Speaking of which, can I use your paint?"

"What for?"

"I really want to decorate my cast."

Gaara gave me a look that said 'Good job, home slice.'

I gave him a look that said 'Anytime, bro.'

"Okay, go ahead. Just don't use all the purple paint…"

"Of course." _Of course you wouldn't want me to use that entire colour. You wear purple face paint every day. It's your favorite._

"Well, I guess I can leave it out here. I just wanted to make sure I didn't leave it at home…"

Well, there's no way in hell we'd be going back for it. I might even pull out my bitch spanker if he tried. Temari would be right ahead of me, and Gaara… could use something as a bitch spanker… maybe the tent mallet.

Kankuro went back inside the tent, probably to sleep. It's getting late.

Being the night people, Gaara and I would stay up later than the others.

I tried to worm over to the paint, getting another couple of mouthfuls of sand along the way. Gaara was ever so kind and stopped me from further damaging my taste buds, getting the paint for me.

"Thanks." I sighed, worming myself back towards the fire. Temari is going to give me hell when she sees me coated in sand. I should have thought about my actions beforehand… Yeah, I'm an idiot.

Gaara brought the paint over by me, and I cracked the green paint lid open, dipping Kankuro's paintbrush into the mixture.

"What are you painting?" Gaara asked, amused.

"Tyrone the T-rex. He was in a colouring book back at the hospital." He gave me a smirk for that.

"Colouring, is that one of your hobbies?"

"Ah, not really." I replied, coating my cast with green paint. "Writing… that's the only hobby of mine I know of." I smiled softly. "But, it's no big deal that I don't remember them. I've been having fun."

"So, you're just going with things?"

"Exactly, there's not much else I can do about the situation. All I can do is hope that my memory comes back with time."

I coated my cast with green paint before cracking open the red paint can (Gaara had to help me, because I suck.) I dipped the brush in and painted two large red dots/eyes onto the cast that covered my toes. I waved my foot in front of the fire in an attempt to dry it.

"Maybe growing cacti could be one of mine as well…?" I asked, indicating that I wouldn't mind sharing his hobby with him.

It was fun. Cacti cultivating is like gardening demons to throw at your enemies. I can grow a Prick army.

"Sure."

We shared a subtle smile.

A frightened glimmer flickered in his teal eyes, as he pulled my "toasty~" foot out of the fire.

"Shit." I deadpanned, staring at the flames in horror. It was flaring like a torch.

Gaara and I attempted to blow the flames out like my foot was a birthday cake. I wasn't much help, because my mouth couldn't reach the cast. Being in the less challenging position, Gaara managed to huff the smaller flames out, but then resorted to some sort of wizardry.

The sand around me leapt up, and smothered the flames on my casted foot.

"…I don't know how you did that, but you just saved Tyrone and me, so thank you." I appreciated.

"No problem."

"Want to sign my cast. It's in your dept." I offered.

"Sure."

He picked up the red coasted paintbrush, and scrawled his name across the front of my casted foot, giving Tyrone a jazzy new tattoo.

Tyrone got barbecued, but at least he's alive. Being Tyrone's savior, Gaara should be the first person to sign my cast.

* * *

"Kira, get your ass up!" Temari blared, outside my hazy dreamland.

"Nah..." I countered, squeezing my pillow over my ears.

"Gaara, you should really get up too." Temari sighed.

"Temari, I think he's going to take a while. He isn't even squirming." Kankuro deadpanned, having given up.

Their impatient footsteps left the tent in defeat.

I cracked an eye open, meeting Gaara's gaze from across the tent.

"You've got pro acting skills." I whispered, but load enough so he could hear me.

"Ninja." He replied in the same fashion.

"I heard you!" Temari called from outside the tent.

Gaara gave me a look that said 'It's your entire fault.'

I gave him a look that said 'You played a part.'

Kankuro burst into the tent with a 'Rise and shine!'

I groaned, face planting into my pillow.

* * *

"So, we're making a pit stop…?" I assumed from Gaara's back, as we slowed near some shady looking hotel in the Village Hidden in the Valley.

"We're staying for the night. We'll spend the whole day traveling tomorrow." Gaara replied. _Oh joy… A whole day of traveling! Doesn't that sound wonderful?_

_…My ass._

I wasn't about to tell the siblings of my displeasure. I was happy to be with them, and didn't want to be a bother.

But I think the place we're staying in deserves a comment. There were numerous cracks etched into the concrete wall. The paint on the aged windowsills was chipped, revealing a layer of pale yellow underneath the sky blue. There was mold growing on one side of the building. The man at the desk was under some sort of influence, blinking up at the ceiling fan, and smiling like a madman.

"Doesn't this place look a bit… ah… shady as fuck." I said, bluntly stating the obvious.

"…It is… But it's the only hotel…" Temari countered. "Besides, we're ninja. Nothing shady is going to happen."

"What about me?" I asked. It's not like I can go all Hulk and fling them like a ragdoll which they can probably do.

"You're with us. We'll save you." _You'd better. If I die, I'm haunting you guys, and I'd be one of those ghosts that slowly drive people to insanity. I would change their Wi-Fi password daily…_ _That is, if they have internet connection. Everyone here seems to use oddly outdated technology. Or maybe it's just me…?_

"Okay…" I'm really not so okay about this, but I'm not leaving the siblings. At least I know they'll recue me.

I was helped off of Gaara's back, and given my crutches.

We walked into the lobby. (I hobbled. _Yarr!_)

"Welcome *hic* to Dusty Inn." Desk man greeted, tipsy and not at all ready for work.

"Two rooms please, with two beds in each." Temari asked the man

"Are pancakes cakes?" The guy said, staring at his plate of charred pancakes.

"Screw it, let's grab the keys, chuck some money, and dash." I whispered to Temari.

"I ate an ice cube." The guy said, lifting his glass of beer. "Will I poop it out?"

"Um…" Temari started, not knowing what to say.

The guy then tried to eat his cigarette, shoving it straight into his mouth like a candy stick.

"No, no, no, no, no!" I cried, panicked.

"Oh my gawd!" That was Kankuro.

"No!" Temari exclaimed, cranking the guy's jaw open.

The guy licked Temari's hand, triggering a traumatized expression from Temari.

"Do something!" She cried, doing some sort of exotic dance with her free limbs.

Gaara took out the dart gun, shooting the guy right in the forehead with a knock out dose of elephant tranquilizer.

We all did what I had previously suggested to Temari.

* * *

"So, what are we going to eat?" I asked.

Our packed lunches would only last for lunch on the way back.

"Hmmm…" Kankuro pondered. "Well, Pancake usually makes us pancakes and offers us some free bear, but he's knocked out right now. Maybe for breakfast, but for now, we'll have to go somewhere else to eat."

_Even desk man has a stripper stage name…_

* * *

We were all sitting down at some random pub, it being the most not-shady place close by. Not to say that it wasn't shady. It was in only slightly better condition than our hotel.

Gaara was stalked by hooker Barbie. Said girl had decided to sit with us, ignoring our hints that clearly urged her to leave.

"Sweetie, how did you do your hair this morning?" Mina (the girl) gushed, finally having stopped pestering Gaara, and deciding to pester me.

"I didn't do much. Really, I just brushed it." Straight hair is easy to manage. I'm not going to lie. A few strokes of the brush, and I'm ready to go. Though, I find it awfully plain. I'm cool with it.

"Oh, you think you're so cool now." Mina snapped, switching from agonizingly sweet to bitchy in seconds, eyeing me from across the booth with a menacing glare.

Kankuro leaned against the booth, looking like a traumatized cat, and stuffing his face with fries to serve as comfort food. He didn't want to be anywhere near the crazy women next to him.

"No, I just told the truth…" I said with a layer of unease. She is ruining my chill.

"No, you're just trying to look cool!" _Pft!_

"I deny that. Please calm down." I spoke uneasily.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Mina freaked, standing up and leaning towards me from across the table.

"Mina, I think you should leave…" Temari suggested, or rather ordered. Like me, Temari had enough of this shit.

"Like I said, you can't tell me what to do! We're going to go now, bitch!" Mina declared loudly, raising her fists as if she was about to start a fistfight. Her arm muscles make mine look like sticks… which is what they actually are. Before anybody asks, I eat. I'm naturally this way.

"Nope… nope… nope…" I rejected, grabbing Gaara's arm. _Somebody save me!_

"I also think that that might be a good idea…" Gaara said, choosing to fight with his allies.

Mina moped away, unable to disobey Gaara.

* * *

Kankuro and I had drunk too much ninja Pepsi, and now we can't find the bathroom. Kankuro's following me, scooting his feet on the floor in an effort to not pee himself. I wasn't as bad, but we were heading back soon.

"Hey." I greeted to the back of some girl's blonde head at the bar. "Do you know where the bathroom is?"

The girl turned, and revealed herself to be Mina. _Oh, shit…_

"Oh, it's you!" Mina barked, smashing her bear glass onto the table.

"Yeah, it's me…" I croaked.

"You want to go, bitch?" she asked.

"Not really…" I refused, backing up.

"To bad, you don't get to choose!" Mina screeched, diving for my hair in an attempt to rip my brains out.

I sidestepped, Mina stumbling towards a table, getting a good table jab to the stomach. Not that I'm well-coordinated. I'm fighting a drunken hooker… and I'm terrified, and on crutches. Mina swerved, drunkenly lunging for my face.

"Kankuro, save me please!" I begged, dropping my crutches out of shock.

"Sorry…. I can't move." _Or he'll piss himself. Thank you, ninja Pepsi for causing my death by hooker Barbie._

I aimed a punch for her shoulder, putting all my petty strength into it. Fortunately for me, Mina was extremely drunk, and face planted on the floor instead, taking a nice nap under the bar. Unfortunately for me, I suck at bar brawling and my fist hit a wooden beam, causing me to clutch my throbbing fist with pain.

"Ah! Stupid pole!" I half yelled while stomping my uninjured foot on the floor like a child throwing a tantrum.

"Stupid Shortcake." Kankuro corrected.

I glared at him, not feeling like my normal self through the pain. Pain makes me irritated. I'm such a baby, I know.

Kankuro wasn't scared of me. (I don't blame him. I'm a scrawny five-foot-one civilian on crutches.)

"Hey, you do you know where the bathroom is?" I asked the guy at the bar.

"It's not my job to help you find a bathroom." _Asshole…_

"Listen, my buddy's going to piss himself if we don't find a bathroom, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to clean that up." I attempted to convince, blackmailing him to some extent.

"Shortcake…" Kankuro grumbled, embarrassed.

"Fine… This way…" the guy sighed, leaping over the bar.

We followed him up a creaky old staircase. Neither Asshole nor Kankuro could help me. Asshole is an asshole and Kankuro would pee himself. I ended up climbing up the stairs like a dog, dragging my crutches with me. Kankuro of course, got to use the single bathroom first.

"So, Shortcake is it? How much do you charge?" Asshole asked in all his asshole glory.

I stared at him, bug eyed, trying to process what I had just heard.

"You can't be serious." I huffed.

"I am." He shamelessly admitted.

"Oh look, bar brawl!" I hollered, momentarily distracting him.

I ran (more like hobbled and tumbled), far, far away to safety, meaning Gaara, hiding behind his back.

"Kira?" Gaara asked, nonchalant because it's me.

"Hide me…" I hissed.

"Why?"

"I found a creeper. He thought I was a prostitute." I explained, not daring to look out from behind him.

"There's no reason to hide…" Gaara attempted to calm me.

"Yes, yes there is." I assured.

"He means we can kick his ass." Temari explained, pulling me away from Gaara.

"Please do so…" _I'd like some sweet revenge…_

"I'll get on it." Temari assured, taking out her bitch spanker. Unlike with Kankuro, I didn't feel the slightest bit of remorse.

"Hey, Gaara?" I started, getting his attention.

"Yeah."

"Want to have a drink with me? I've had enough of this shit…" I invited.

"I as well… Let's go."

* * *

A/N: So, how was it? This chapter was longer, but I cut some parts out. I'm trying to make sure I don't go too fast with the romance, but there is progression in this chapter, even if it was just a small bit, friendship really. But romance takes time... And I have no plans to rush. I do however, promise fluff. Lots and lots of fluff... Oh, and humor. (That depends on whether or not you think it's funny. Though, I hope so, because if not, I've majorly screwed up.) I try to proofread the best I can, but if you see any mistakes, please let me know! Reviews are love. :3

Next Chapter: Shades of Shady


	7. Shades of Shady

Chapter: Shades of Shady

Hey, guys! It's me and I'm back with more bullshit! Seriously, don't eat or drink anything for this one. You might die... and I adore you guys, so please don't die on me.

Thanks to sourcreamster, The Kazekage of Suna, and aishachase97 for the wonderful, wonderful reviews, as well as to anyone who followed or gave me a favorite! You are loved.

* * *

Dear Starface,

Tyrone needs some desperate repairs. Kankuro and I tried to fix him up, but we suck at playing "make a dinosaur". I often feel like taking a power saw and hacking at the damn thing. At least Tyrone would be out of his misery.

Love my baby or receive the burn of death,

Kira

* * *

"This beer tastes like sand." I stated, bluntly. Because of the sand that had infiltrated my mouth during our desert journey, everything I ate tasted like sand. It was like someone had attacked my tongue with sandpaper.

Wanting to taste Karma's brownies once again, I had decided that I needed to resort to desperate measures. By that, I mean beer guzzling. (And no, I'm not blackout drunk.) I'm not even a beer fan. To be completely accurate, I despise it with a passion, but something needs to jolt my taste buds back to life.

"I don't taste it." Gaara replied, raising his glass for another sip.

"My taste buds must have been destroyed…" I groaned.

"Sand in your mouth?" Gaara accurately guessed.

"Yeah."

"It happens."

"To you…?"

"All the time."

I gave him a look of sympathy. "That really, really sucks."

"It… does."

"How do you deal…?"

"I'm not sure how anybody else would deal with it, but I'm very used to it. The only things that can make my taste buds feel anything is salted tongue and gizzard." _Now, I feel bad for complaining._

"…I really have to stop getting sand in my mouth."

"I completely agree with that."

We had left the pub to go to the bar across the street, as to avoid the madness that had consumed the pub right after Temari unleashed her bitch spanker on the bartender's ass. The pub had gone up in a riot, and Temari stayed to calm it down. (Excuse me for sounding like a child, but she started it.)

Kankuro came too, but he's sleeping with his head on the dirty bar table. I'm guessing he's tired from hauling both his and Gaara's luggage, and I don't blame the guy. I would have permanent back problems from that load, but you know… ninjas.

Gaara, Kankuro, and I are sitting at a dirty bar table, and as the table suggests, we are in another shady as fuck place.

The bartenders are all scantily dressed females, who are at least not asshole bartenders, but are still living in the shade. (And not batshit insane either. I'm talking to you, hooker Barbie.)There's a curtain in the back of the room, to which I'm assuming is for the fortunate or unfortunate band that gets to perform on the supposed stage behind it.

So far, nobody has pushed my buttons.

I've always (or at least, as far as I can remember…) viewed myself as a down to earth kind of person; someone who goes with the flow, maybe even a bit hippie dippy. But I have my limits, like every other person in this world, and being attacked by a drunken hooker, and being mistaken for a prostitute aren't things I could just let slip by.

I'm one pissed off girl, and someone needs to give me a can of bitch repellent. I'm too injured to properly make use of my bitch spanker.

Seriously, nobody bother me.

Except Gaara, he's cool, mostly because he just goes with my flow. Though, he doesn't hold his thoughts back, which I admire. Dishonesty would be a dreadful thing for me to encounter, not knowing much about this world and all. I'd all too easily fall for people's lies.

To ease my stress, I conversed with Gaara, and we were having a chat about how sand destroys taste buds. We have interesting conversations, that's for sure.

If there's one thing I can tell about Gaara after spending time living with him, it's that Gaara's a socially challenged individual. It's not something that can be inferred after spending a mere hour with him. It's a pattern of events. Word bombs and misunderstandings are frequent occurrences in his life.

He's socially awkward, but I find it more amusing than anything.

I don't think I've got it as bad, but I can relate to him on some level. Being clueless about things most people know, makes me socially awkward in the sense that I often weird people out.

But Gaara doesn't mind my quirks at all. That's probably why I like him so much, having someone to relate too, at least a smidge.

"Guys, I think it must be the small one." Kankuro asked, interrupting Gaara and I new conversation topic about which cactus lives the longest. He had just woken up from his nap.

"Nah, it must be Old Spike. He smells like an old man. Little Fluff's got nothing on him." I countered, almost positive that I must be right.

"Old Spike and Little Fluff…?"

"Kira gave the cacti names." Gaara explained.

"Figures she would…"

"Back to the topic, the correct answer is Cactapus."

"…And you're using her names?"

"They're surprisingly accurate." _Hell yeah, they are. Have you've seen Prick's spikes? _

"Was I even close?" I whined, my pride plummeting.

"One cactus off."

"Damn it!" I swore before taking another chug of beer.

"I thought good things came in small packages…" Kankuro sighed, taking the pitcher of beer and downing it like Pancake's subordinate.

_I bet that's what the doctor said when he saw your parts and announced you were a boy._

"Shortcake, why are you smirking?"

_Call 911, you just got burned…_

"No reason." _I'm just insulting you with my mind._

"Why are you smirking? Excited?" one of the bartenders asked, having come over to see us. _Please don't be another hooker Barbie… Please…_

I heard the curtains slide off to the side, revealing the rest of the bar.

Mortified could not describe my expression accurately enough, scantily dressed girls started spinning around on stripper poles. Some even went off the stage to 'entertain' guests.

Our visitor jumped up onto our table and started getting freaky; _stripper freaky._

I feel for Gaara. He's getting hoarded, and he looks like he did when we saw the scary part in Doctor Hardwood's Funhouse; blanched. He has zero personal space right now, and is receiving multiple… ahem… shady demonstrations.

Kankuro's drooling, so I feel like telling Temari to take out her bitch spanker. But she's still kicking ass at the pub…

And so I sunk under the table, pulling myself into a fetal position, and rocking back and forth for a good ten minutes.

But… maybe I can save Gaara. I think he needs it more than Kankuro. And the socially challenged must help the socially challenged.

So I grabbed him by the leg, and pulled him under the table, almost popping my arms out of their sockets in the process.

I do admit to squeezing his arm like a lifeline, which probably didn't help him out, but comforted me. At least he's not getting three stripper's butts shoved into his face again.

"Kira…?" Gaara spoke, catching my attention.

"…Yeah?" I responded.

"You were right. I suppose this place is shady… as fuck."

"Sadly, yes."

Something hard hit the ground beside us, causing me to jump, and release my grip on Gaara's arm. It was Kankuro, and Niagara Falls was flowing out of his nose.

"Kankuro!"

"Shit! Kankuro, are you alright?"

He didn't respond, indicating that he was unconscious.

"What do we do!?" I asked Gaara, turning to him and starting to bawl like a baby.

"This happens often, though, normally in his room while he's reading… He's fine." Gaara assured, awkwardly putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I wonder if mind soap exists…" _Kankuro needs it._

"It doesn't…" Gaara not so helpfully answered.

"Well then, we're not unseeing anything. Boo, us." I groaned, smacking my forehead.

"Boo us…"

"Yeah, boo to the boo, because we're boo." I babbled.

"Boo?"

"Boo."

"I'm not getting this." Gaara sighed, puzzled by twisted me.

"Don't worry, I don't get it either." I beamed, momentarily forgetting out current situation underneath a table at a strip club.

"But you said it." Gaara pointed out.

"I say a lot of things." _And most of it's bullshit…_

"That you do." _Was that an insult…? _

_…Nah, I'm going to take that as a compliment._

"…Gaara, I think we need to stick with the drill for shadiness this time." I instructed, getting an idea.

"The drill…?" Gaara urged me to continue.

"Chuck some money and dash."

"…That might work." Gaara approved.

"Kankuro…?" _As much as I'd like to, we can't leave him here…_

"I'll take him." Gaara assured, handing me a wad of cash. "You throw the money."

"This is an awful lot…" I commented, examining the generous stack.

"We can't take any chances." Gaara explained.

"True. On the count of three…?" I started, getting ready to start the countdown to 'Stripper Town'.

One of the strippers peaked under the table. "What are you doing under there, honey~" she questioned, batting her glittery eyelashes.

"Screw counting! Let's go!" I cried, chucking a fourth of the wad at her face.

We bolted out from under the table, Gaara throwing Kanuro over his shoulder like a ragdoll.

I rained money on the strippers, hoping that they would dive for the cash.

They didn't. Instead, they flashed us for more. I'm an idiot. Boo, me.

The now extremely excited strippers made us run even faster. Gaara was a sweetheart and didn't use his ninja powers to ditch me. He's smart for doing that. I might chuck his cacti off the balcony and say it was an accident.

"Kira, you aren't you supposed to put weight on your foot!" Gaara scolded.

"Well, I'm sure not going back and getting my crutches!"

Kankuro's blood left a train on both the dirty strip club floor and on Gaara's shirtless back. (The strippers had ripped his shirt off in their excitement.)

But our luck got worse.

Kankuro woke up, and didn't want to leave, flipping over Gaara's shoulder and slamming his nose on the floor, triggering another great red flood.

Unlike last time, there was no response to this, besides from the strippers. They panicked and screamed bloody murder.

Gaara used his sand magic to drag Kankuro out by the foot, no shits given. We're out of here. Kankuro, you will not cause us to die in this hellhole. We must live to see the day when mind soap is invented. Then, maybe we can save your poor ratchet soul. _You should thank us!_

Kankuro screamed as Gaara dragged him, saying that he had almost reached paradise.

Gaara tossed me the tranquilizer gun, and I promptly shot Kankuro in the ass with it. No mercy can be given to those who hinder our mission, get away from the strippers.

They're chasing us now, calling out attempted seductive lines and promises of stuff I don't want to say because they've corrupted my sweet innocent mind enough.

I threw back the last of the cash wad to slow them, probably triggering a lot of flashing, but I didn't look back.

Neither did Gaara. He only stopped for a second to scoop me up over his shoulder, so we could ninja book it out of this mess.

We arrived at Dusty Inn rather fast due to freakish ninja speed, and all crashed together on one of our creaky, hotel beds, panting like dogs.

Kankuro sobbed, slamming his bloody face into a pillow.

"That's yours." Gaara ordered, still cringing on the sheets. _Good call._

We continued to pant for a good while, I taking longer than the others to finally calm down for both the reason that I was exhausted from all the running, and the fact that Gaara was donning one of the stripper's thongs on his head, and didn't even realize it until he got up and looked in the wall mirror.

I was a kind soul and tried to help him wash the various shades of stripper lipstick kisses off his body in the bathroom.

"Kira, your face is getting all red again…" Gaara said, looking concerned._ Oh, for the love of god… Temari, don't fail me now…_

"Ah, I guess the strippers kissed me too much with their pink lipstick." I feel like face palming at myself right now.

"I didn't see that happening."

"The strippers loved me so much that they hoarded me and you couldn't see…?" I lied.

Gaara called me out. "No, they were after me, not you. Sadly, that excuse is not going to work."

"…"

"Kira…"

"Fine… Uh, um, I may have… uh, um blushed, ah, because of… you." I squeaked, regretting every single pathetic word.

Neither of us spoke for an awkward while, both taking in what was just said.

"…I suppose, you're not so bad yourself.…" _He's trying to be polite, and ease the awkwardness of the situation he had initiated by asking, isn't he?_

No, it didn't ease any of the awkwardness.

"…Dude, I'm a scrawny leprechaun, but thanks for the compliment." I attempted to laugh my embarrassment off.

"No problem."

I didn't reply, choosing to help with his issue instead. I'm going to try and ignore what just happened. My soul can only take so much embarrassment in one day.

And so I continued to dab at the various lipstick blotches, making sure the leader of my treasured village didn't get caught in a scandal. _Breaking news: The stoic Kazekage's sex demon is still with him._

Temari missed her cue this time, choosing to arrive at the hotel after my dilemma, indicating her arrival with a shocked exclamation.

"_What the hell happened?_"

* * *

"So, let me get this straight… You accidently walked into a strip club…" Temari said, sitting on Gaara's claimed bloodless bed.

"A very vibrant strip club." I corrected from the floor. "Gaara almost got molested. You should have seen them! They were batshit insane!"

"They were that bad?" Temari asked, turning to Gaara who sat next to her.

"They stole my favorite shirt." he grumbled.

"How dare they." I sided.

"Yes, how dare they." _And they marked up your beautiful skin with their vicious stripper claws. The bitches! How dare they?!_

…_Where the hell did that come from?_

"Kira, are you listening?" Temari asked, bitterly snapping my attention away from my thoughts and towards her.

"Sorry, I was caught up in my thoughts for a second..." I apologized.

"Mind telling me what they were about?" she prodded, tone dropping a smidge, indicating her seriousness.

"…"

"I'm waiting." she stated. Temari was not letting this drop.

"I was imagining Gaara and me making a sandcastle." _Please work…_

Temari didn't respond. She just gave me a smug look.

Kankuro fell off his bed, laughing.

"You want to make a sandcastle with me…" Gaara inferred, meeting my eyes.

"You're the sandcastle building master. Why wouldn't I?" _Actually, that sounds awesome, count me in!_

"I suppose I am." he chuckled, rolling with it.

"You should enter a contest." I encouraged.

"I have…"

"Really…?"

"I was thirteen and Kankuro said he would steal… something special from me." Gaara explained.

"Dirty trick, Kankuro." I scolded, shooting Kankuro a mocking look.

"But it was so worth the prize money." Kankuro countered. "And the look on the opponents' faces when they learned who they were up against."

"How was it not cheating?" I asked, wondering how they even signed up.

"Back then, we could get away with anything…" _Oh, right. The demon scared everyone shitless._

"Yep, Gaara we are so doing that." I confirmed.

"You mean I'm so doing that." he corrected, knowing I'd do jack shit anyway.

"I'll cheer you on." I resolved.

"You'll help by sabotaging all the other sandcastles." _Even better…_

"Sounds good. I can go all Godzilla on their asses." _But they might as well wave the white flag of surrender. Nobody's defeating Gaara, the sand wizard._

"I don't know what that is, but it sounds delightful." Gaara enthused, looking thoughtful. It made me wonder if he was actually taking my bullshit seriously.

"Okay, enough of that, I want more details on the stripper extravaganza." Temari interrupted, eager for details.

"Temari, you pervert." Kankuro teased, earning a smack.

"Kankuro, you're the one who soiled your sheets with a nosebleed, like you're one to talk." Temri rebuked, shutting Kankuro up.

"Hmm… Well, you know this one, but Gaara almost got molested…"

"I didn't like that." Gaara deadpanned.

"No, he didn't." I confirmed. _Who the hell would like that, Gaara?_

"And…?" Temari urged me to continue.

"Kankuro almost caused the great blood flood."

Kankuro got smacked again by the almighty Guardian of No Bullshit, now choosing to pull his hood over his eyes and curl up to defend himself.

"And I learned to never trust Kankuro to choose a bar again." I finished, knowing full well the catastrophe that would result.

Kankuro peeked out of his hood, sending me a look that clearly meant 'Screw you, Shortcake.'

"Kankuro!" Temari roared.

Said cat man squealed like a five year old girl.

Gaara and I chose to play poker in the tub, away from the madness, locking the door so Kankuro couldn't seek our aid.

I just wish it was strip poker.

_…Wait, what?!_

Someone, get me some mind soap. My brain needs a visit from Mr. Clean.

* * *

The door creaked open, awaking me from my slumber in Temari and I's room, startling me awake.

"Go away, door to door salesmen; we don't want your vacuum cleaners." I responded, shutting my eyes once again. If it's not the apocalypse, it's not getting me out of bed.

"…We just want sleep." Kankuro replied, exhausted.

"Why are you here?" Temari croaked, indicating that they had woken the sleeping dragon.

"We heard despicable noises coming from the neighboring room." Gaara explained, equally as cranky.

"Okay, well, bother Kira." Temari directed.

"Why me…?" I groaned.

"Because, I said so, and go to sleep, Kira." Temari not so helpfully explained. "Nobody's kicking me out of bed, thank you very much."

"Understood." Gaara sighed.

"Kankuro, you're not sleeping in Kira's bed. You can't be trusted." Temari added, cringing at the bright light entering from the hallway.

"Since when could you trust Kira with Gaara…?" Kankuro defended.

"You brought them to a strip club." she rebuked, covering her head with her blanket.

"She's got a point." Gaara remarked, glaring at Kankuro.

"Just don't get in the sheets with her. She'll hug you if you do…" Temari advised. _Yes, I would~_

Some time I felt the bed sink in on the opposite side of the bed. I was too tired to care. But some despicable creaking from the room above us prevented me from sleeping.

"Damn it!"

"Not again…"

"For the love of…"

"Is everyone here horny!?"

I'll let you guess who said what.

"Where's the tranquilizer?!" I cried, grabbing the dart gun from the bedside table.

"Kira?" Gaara said, grasping my attention.

"What? This is an emergency. We need to shoot it up immediately." I panicked, about to shoot up.

"There's only one dart left." Gaara explained, making me hesitantly put the gun down.

"…So… who gets it…?" I spoke uneasily, as all three ninjas came towards me.

"Not you." Temari snarled. "You've kept me up before."

"Agreed." Kankuro grumbled.

"And not you either. Strip club, remember?" Temari denied.

"But it can't be any of you, because I have a severe case of insomnia." Gaara said snidely.

"…"

"…"

"…"

And that my friends, is how to use your personal struggles for personal gain.

Gaara slept quite soundly that night. The rest of us barely got any. We even formed a support group in the middle of the room half way through the night.

I learned that Gaara was ruthless as a child, and was quite the bully if he didn't get what he wanted. This had shrunk considerably over the years, but still popped up occasionally.

Of course, I told jack shit, because I had nothing to whine about that I hadn't whined enough about before.

This led to me being the counsellor of the session, patting them on the shoulder and awkwardly saying "There, there."

Eventually, the noises calmed, and we were able to sleep. But I couldn't go back to my bed, because Gaara was being an ass and had spread out like a starfish all over mine. So, I slept in the bathtub.

The sad part was that I was so tired, I didn't even care.

* * *

"Shortcake, get your ass up. Pancake made pancakes. And he's actually sober now, they're not even charred."

"Sleep~" I yawned, ignoring the ache of my… everywhere.

"I know, but if we don't leave soon, we'll be taking too long to get to Konoha." Kankuro warned.

I jolted up, smacking my forehead with Kankuro's.

"Damn it, Shortcake!" he swore.

"Ouch! Sorry!"

"Anyways, meet us in Pancake's kitchen whenever you're ready. It's just down the hall. And get Gaara up." Kankuro instructed, hand on his head.

"Kay."

I got dressed, and ready for the day, and then attempted to do as Kankuro had said.

"Gaara, you have to get up now."

"…"

"Gaara, Kankuro's dragging us off to the strip club! Your fans are running towards us! Look at all the love you're getting!" I lied, faking panic.

Gaara bolted up, looking around him like a Meer cat before looking at me sourly.

"Sorry, Kankuro said… We would have been late for Konoha." I apologized.

"I suppose I can't blame you…"

"Don't hate me, cuz I'm beautiful~"

"Sometimes I wonder if you really are an alien."

I smirked coyly. "You said yourself that I belong here."

"But yet you're so unique…"

"I'm taking that as a compliment." I decided.

"Good for you."

"Gosh, Gaara, I feel so warm and fuzzy right now. It's like my grandma took me to Build-A-Bear." I gushed, placing a hand to my heart.

"What is this Build-A-Bear, and you remember your grandma?"

"I think it's a factory for building teddy bears for the public… And no, I don't know if I have a grandma. Well, I probably do, but I don't know her."

"I wonder if there's one in Suna…" Gaara wondered aloud.

"Most of what I go on about doesn't exist, so probably not." I denied.

"Then maybe there's something similar…"

"I hope so. If there is, I'm finding it."

"It would be quite the adventure."

"Yes, I think I would have quite a lot of fun with that particular adventure."

"Tell me when you choose to carry it out. It sounds… interesting." Gaara urged.

"Oh, I will, and it will be." Because nothing I do can ever have a normal result.

"I'm sure of that."

"Want to get pancakes now? Kankuro might eat them all if we don't get down there."

"He wouldn't dare."

"He's done some daring things…"

"I guess he has." _Like pulling us into a strip club…_

"Yup."

Kankuro has certainly shown some reckless behavior to me, and he paid for it. Maybe be didn't get punished so much by little ol' me, but Temari always lurks just around the corner, waiting to strike his ass with her bitch spanker.

Sometimes, I just don't know why I even bother to plot for revenge. Temari seems to take care of that aspect of my life just fine. I don't even have to lift a finger, and my offender is screwed.

This simple fact makes me like Temari. It's like having a girl clique in middle school to gang up on the local bitches. I would certainly help her if she needed it, but being Temari, she didn't really need much of my help. But I had at least managed to help her out once, choosing to participate in the drugging of her youngest brother.

But Gaara will always remain my favourite sibling, as he always helps me out when it comes to reasons that are not necessarily harmful to me physically, but may hurt me emotionally.

I need that support, because I really came into this strange new world with nobody but myself, and that was lonely. It was unwelcoming. I didn't feel as if I belonged, and I still to this day, say things that apparently don't exist. I'm awkward in this world, and it's painfully obvious.

So Gaara, I admire him, for both his selfless actions, and just plain being his stoic, awkwardly adorable self.

…I've really got to sort my shit out, because I'm so horribly puzzled right now.

Someone needs to smack me.

_…Actually, please don't do that. I hate pain._

* * *

"How many pancakes would you like?" Pancake asked while flipping pancakes at his stove. "And there's beer in the fridge. Help yourself."

"One is fine, thank you." I replied, throwing the fridge open and taking out a can of beer from the side door.

I sat across from Kankuro at the mismatched table set, and popped the can open, taking a big swig to test my sore taste buds.

A god awful taste attacked my tongue, triggering me to spew my beer out of my mouth like a hose on high pressure. Kankuro was straight in the line of fire.

"Shortcake, you little…" Kankuro started, pissed off and covered in beer.

His pancakes didn't survive the rain either, and knowing Kankuro, he likes his cake.

I wasn't too concerned, because one, I can be an asshole, and two, he deserves it anyway for last night.

Temari laughed, handing Kankuro a napkin. She was lucky to have been out of range, and I was happy that she was. Nobody messes with her and lives to tell the tale of how they got out unscathed.

"This beer tastes like beer!" I screeched, completely horrified by the taste.

_Taste buds... why are you so cruel to me...?_

* * *

A/N: *Rains tissues* Did I make you laugh? Give me some love if you did! I used beer in the story instead of sake, because I don't want to use sake for every alcoholic beverage in the story. It's humor, what can I say? Bad Kira, bad... Usually, I'm good in terms of doing English, but if I made a typo, please tell me. A new community for Naruto humor or parody fanfics has been formed by moi. Let me know in the reviews if you want to join. And last of all, I have made myself a tumblr, so if you'd like to check it out, the link's on my profile. Reviews are love. :3

Next Chapter: Hug a Buddy


	8. Hug a Buddy

Chapter: Hug a Buddy

A/N: I'm sorry I took so long. This chapter was a tough one to write. It had to have a lot of editing done. (For those of you who read the original version, the first bit may seem familiar. When I reformatted, some "Dear Starfaces" had to be cut.)

Shout outs to I see you see, aishachase97, and FairyFeminist17! And thank you to all who gave me a follow or a favorite!

* * *

Dear Starface,

No words can describe what I saw last night… Please save Kankuro's soul… And mine for my despicable thoughts about Gaara… If you let anyone see this, you're sharing Mr. Toasty's funeral.

You were warned,

Kira

* * *

"Okay, we're almost there…" I stated from Gaara's back, as we ran through Konoha's surrounding forest.

"We're only half way there." Gaara corrected.

"Well, yes but I like to think otherwise." I compromised.

"You're still wrong." he informed. Whether he was teasing or being serious, I don't know. I never do with him, but I find it freaking hilarious.

"Only in reality…" I chirped.

"Of course…"

"Halt!" Temari interrupted, making Gaara and Kankuro stop along with her, standing on a sturdy (_I hope…)_ branch.

What is this… _the army?_

"There's a stream nearby…" Temari started, instantly reminding me that none of us had taken showers last night.

The hotel's water according to Kankuro (We sacrificed him.) was as cold as Temari's soul. Temari had sprayed us all down with air freshener from Pancake's supply closet before leaving. Now, we smell like lemons. But that's only a mask; we still feel dirty, and I in more ways than one.

_It's a shame really…_ I needed a cold one, and I still do.

"We'll take a short break." Gaara decided without much hesitation. "We're actually ahead of schedule."

"Surprise, surprise…" Temari smirked, pleased that we wouldn't be late. There's no reason in explaining why. We all know who she's eager to see.

"I knew we'd make it." Kankuro grumbled, leaping off the tree branch.

"You're the one who made us worry about being late." Temari scoffed, following him.

"It motivated us to not be late." _Good one, home slice._

Gaara leaped down as well, his feet hitting the ground with a thud. He leaned me against a tree trunk. "Don't move." he ordered.

I still don't have my crutches, and I'm perfectly fine with having left them at the strip club. _Like hell I'm going back there._ _Hell to the no._

But I do have one thing to complain about. Gaara won't let me put weight on my foot.

I had avoided his nagging this morning, because he was a sleepy zombie, not that it was unusual for him to be that way, and had just woken up. He does take a good hour to become fully awake. In his haziness, he mustn't have realized. He certainly does now.

Seeing as how I don't complain about it hurting, I don't know why he'd be so strict about it. Temari and Kankuro let me do whatever, as long as I'm not hurting myself. Temari told me that the cast is only a precaution, and will be removed when we get to Konoha. If it's going to be removed, why be so concerned?

"My foot doesn't hurt… Besides, won't the cast be removed soon…?" I questioned, not wanting to be left behind.

"Regardless, you're not putting weight on it until a medic removes the cast." Gaara pressed. He wasn't letting this drop.

"Fine." I gave in. There's no use arguing. Besides, it's nice having someone care about your well-being, even if it is doting.

_I wonder if I've had someone dote on me before…_ Probably, but it's not like I'd know. So I'll let him boss me around about this. It isn't so bad. I can deal.

"And no, you can't move when I'm gone." Gaara answered my unspoken question.

I pouted in response, showing my displeasure.

"Kira…" he warned.

"I promise." I sighed.

"Good." Gaara replied, following Kankuro to wherever the stream is.

Temari headed off towards a different portion of the stream, leaving only Tyrone to keep me company.

"Tyrone, I'm sorry… I seem to have done quite a number on you… Roar next time I stick my foot in the campfire. But then again, you're coming off soon…" I said to Tyrone, observing my cast in boredom.

Only Gaara's name was recognizable, engraved in pitch black lettering across my casted shin.

_Gaara…_ I think I'm starting to like him… a bit more than just a friend… But I suppose it's reasonable for me to feel that way. I'm naive to this world, and know untruthful facts about it, but he's always treated my words with a sort of patience.

The only problem is I have no sweet clue about romance.

_Damn it, amnesia..._

* * *

"Shortcake, wake up. We're at the hotel." _Wow…_

I slept on Gaara's back the whole way to Konoha… I'm really happy about that. Road trips suck.

"Hahaha… Nope. It's probably a brothel, isn't it? You naughty soul you…" I'm not experiencing those horrors again. Besides, I was having a fantastic dream about riding a narwhal.

"It isn't a brothel! It's actually a decent hotel this time… Five star…" Kankuro enthused, displeased that I have so little faith in him.

"…"

"Dr. Hardwood's coming…" Gaara's voice warned.

I doubled over in laughter, clutching my sides.

"That's how to get her up." Gaara said, teaching Kankuro the ways of the living alarm clock.

"How do we get you up?" Kankuro asked, asking an interesting question indeed.

"You don't." _Damn, Gaara... We need to get you some swag glasses. _

"Gaara… haha… Teach me your secret, please…" I begged, attempting to muffle my giggles as I stood up.

"Kira, you will never learn." Gaara denied, making me pout. "Anyways, we have to go to the Hokage… You don't really need to go, but you do need to go to the hospital. We'll drop you off on the way."

Looks like Tyrone's meeting his end… I admit to feeling pleased with his demise.

"I'm perfectly okay with that."

* * *

"I am _not_ perfectly okay with this!" I panicked, as the blonde nurse inched the mutant saw towards Tyrone.

I am not perfectly okay with losing my foot, thank you very much. That saw makes Jaws look like a goldfish, at least to me. I'm more concerned about the pain than actually being footless to be completely honest.

"It's got to be done, Kira." Gaara sighed from the corner of the small hospital room.

Kankuro had described the saw on our way, making me beg Gaara to stay with me. He was a kind soul and agreed. Temari went off to see her boyfriend. Kankuro's outside the door, probably laughing at my foolishness.

I hate to hold them up, but I'm mortified right now. Like get me the hell out of here mortified. I might skydive out the hospital window. But that might hurt… I guess that's not an option.

"Gaara, I've decided to keep Tyrone… " I made up my mind, choosing to keep my pet dinosaur forever.

"No, you're not keeping him. If you want a pet, you've already planted cacti."

"Fine… But I'm scared. I admit to being a chicken. Cock-a doodle-doo."

"Nothing bad will happen, and that's a rooster…" He looks so displeased with me, it's hilarious.

"Heheh… I know, but please help me. Can you hold my hand?" I squeaked.

"…Okay." he sighed, giving in.

"And can you-" I continued.

"Kira…" Gaara cut me off, taking my hand.

"Fine…" I gave up, squeezing my eyes shut as hell's chain saw inched closer.

It plowed through Tyrone, signaling the true end of the dinosaur's reign.

I thought that the second apocalypse was coming. (And if you don't know what that means, I bet the portal lady made another hell where I'm from.) That means that Gaara's hand got crushed by the force of my baby gorilla hand.

"Ah, Kira…? It's over…" The nurse said with a tinge of awkwardness due to my pathetic behavior.

I let out a breath of relief. "Tyrone was a good dinosaur…" I said solemnly.

The nurse left the room, saying that she had another patient to attend to.

Gaara let go of my hand (_Damn it!_) and looked at me as if I was a wack job. Of course, he isn't far off. _I'm insane in the membrane~_

"Kira, I don't know what to say…" Gaara spoke, completely thrown off by my actions.

"You don't have to." I assured.

"Okay, then." he settled, content with leaving me to my babbles.

"I have never met a T-rex that was such a trooper… Unlike a normal T-rex, Tyrone had no arms at all. He couldn't help at all with making the beds. The poor soul… I loved him ever so dearly…" I mock mourned.

"Poetic…" Gaara complimented.

"Yes, I'm freaking Shakespeare. Anyway, continuing on, Tyrone was the most badass dinosaur I've ever laid my eyes on. I admit, it was quite fun to use him to stomp on bubble wrap… He was one hell of a stomper; a real stompasaurous… But, my poor baby can't stomp no more." I continued, putting a hand to my heart in fake grief.

"Are you done…?" Gaara inquired.

"Yes."

"Are you going to keep Tyrone's body?" he asked, wondering if I would actually keep the charred mass.

"Of course not." I said, as I threw Tyrone's crispy body across the room, aiming at the trash can.

I missed. It didn't even make it halfway. _Way to have respect for the dead, Kira._

"…Kira, I think when I get the time, I should train you a bit…" Gaara commented, observing my failed shot.

"That's not a bad idea… Count me in."

* * *

Gaara wouldn't be training me today, or even tomorrow. He had business to attend to.

Having almost no clue at all about this world, following the others around on their tasks wouldn't be helpful. I'd be in the way if I tagged along, so I was dropped off at the hotel. Not to mention, there was no way I was following Temari around with her boyfriend. That would be awkward, and I'm awkward enough on my own.

Though, I couldn't be too upset. We were staying in a five star hotel. There's nothing to complain about that. Two rooms were booked, and we would have the same sleeping arrangements as we had originally had at Dusty Inn. Hopefully, there's better insulation in the walls…

After taking a much needed bubble bath, I headed off to explore Konoha.

You know, I'm not reckless, but I sure can be a dumbass… I forgot my pamphlet with the map on it at the hotel, so yeah; I have no clue where I am right now. It's not like I know anybody here either… But I guess I should probably ask for help getting back to the hotel. Someone must know.

I looked to my right, trying to decide who to ask. Should I ask the unruly child or one of the two bickering adults…? Will I die or be forever lost… Hmm…

I postponed my decision when I accidentally bumped into someone, not falling over, but it was enough to make me stumble.

"Oh, sorry!" I exclaimed, knowing it was my fault for not paying attention.

"Ah, it's okay! It didn't even hurt." The blonde boy I had bumped into assured, smiling and not at all pissed. _Thank god. Wouldn't want another hooker Barbie on my hands…_

I returned the smile, but then remembered that I had to ask someone where the hotel was.

"Hey, are you new here?" the boy spoke before I could ask.

"I live in Suna. I came with the Kazekage and his siblings…" _I'm sure new, alright; otherworldly new._

"You know Gaara?!" the boy asked or more accurately, shouted.

"I do." I even got his autograph once. _You jelly~_

"Awesome, so you're a friend of Gaara's too!" _Oh, so this is one of Gaara's friends…_

"Yes, I'm Kira. Nice to meet you." I introduced.

"Naruto."

"Hmm, speaking of which, do you know where the huge flashy hotel is…? I can't find it. I really don't know my way around this place…" _Please save my ass…_

"I'll give you a tour then, come on!" Naruto enthused, grapping my wrist and almost dragging me down the road, my feet almost scuffing on the ground.

_Well… Close enough._

* * *

Naruto and I sat on top of the supposed Hokage building.

"This is the Hokage monument! Someday, my face will be up there as well! Believe it!" Naruto exclaimed as we gazed up at the faces of the present and past Hokages carved out of the mountain.

I never saw Gaara's face carved out of a mountain. But then, he's so awesome he should have a statue with his arms crossed as usual, like a boss.

"Oh, my gosh, all of Konoha will be your bitch. Congrats!"

"Heheheh." I mock laughed in a tone similar to in a show I had once watched… I think it had a 'Butthead' in it.

"Heheh." Naruto caught on, bringing a goofy smile into the mix.

"Heh." I added, bringing in a goofy smile of my own.

"So, where else should we go?" _This is fun._

"Uh… We could go to Ichiraku's for ramen." Naruto suggested.

"Yum. Konoha isn't much of a tourist destination is it? It's really beautiful, though…"

"You bet it is!" Naruto agreed.

"Gaara wouldn't tell me anything. He said it was a surprise." I whined, thinking of how Gaara hoarded the secret like a pirate treasure, even getting Temari and Kankuro to shut up whenever they tried to tell me.

"He did!?"

"He's mean sometimes." _But also very caring…_

"I know. One time when I went to Suna for a visit, he wouldn't let me on the balcony." I think he was scared you'd murder his pet cacti…

"I got to go on the balcony. I helped him plant cacti. He even let me name them." _Aren't I the smug one?_

Naruto pouted and muttered something under his breath.

"But I wouldn't worry too much about it. Cacti are warrior plants; they can literally kick ass if you sit on one." I assured, not wanting him to be too down about it.

"I don't want to go on the balcony now." _That's right, fear the cacti._

"Kankuro's room is worse. I almost died once from cleaning his room." _Fear that even more._

"Ehhhh?" Naruto exclaimed, jaw dropping.

"Beware the dark purple poison." I added.

"I will." he obeyed.

"And beware rocks. They're evil, and have stony hearts. They must eat children's souls. I hate them." Excuse my ranting, but this is absolutely true. _I HATE ROCKS._

"Rocks eat children's souls?!" _Really, you believe me?_

"Never trust a rock." I warned, half laughing.

Naruto picked up a stray pebble that had ended up on the roof and chucked it over the building.

I cheered, giving Naruto a high-five.

"WHO THREW THAT ROCK?" a woman's voice raged.

I let out a squeal. A look of horror came upon both my face and Naruto's.

"Granny Tsunade…" Naruto spoke, paled.

I don't blame him for this one. Old ladies scare me sometimes too. So many of them have bitch spankers… and sometimes when you're that old, you really don't give a shit, meaning some bitch is going to get spanked.

"Run, bitch, run. I'll ask for directions to the ramen stand and meet you there." I urged.

Naruto took off, no questions asked.

I then found myself in a dilemma. Without Naruto, I couldn't get off the roof. I had to risk calling out to Granny Tsunade.

"I'm stuck on the roof, please save me!" I cried out, putting on the damsel in distress tone for added effect.

"Oh, for the love of…!" Granny obviously wanted to chase after Naruto, but as a hopefully sweet grandma, she couldn't ignore my plea for help.

"Kira, is that you?" It's Gaara.

"Please save me." I whined.

Gaara leapt onto the roof, picking me up, and bringing me down to "granny".

'Granny' was no granny. She looked twenty. There were zero wrinkles on her face. _Like, how…? Fuck logic… Well, I'm probably crazy, so whatever. Brain, chill would you?_

"Do you know where Naruto went?" "Granny" asked, wanting to slap a bitch. _Should I tell her or not tell her…?_

I'd feel like a bitch if I told her. _Screw you, Naruto._ "I don't know where he went." I lied, putting on my best poker face.

"Well, I'll be off then. Bye, Gaara… and what's your name? I've never seen you before." Tsunade sighed.

"Kira." I greeted.

"Nice meeting you Kira. I'm Tsunade… Well, I'll be off." _Bye…_

"Gaara, I met your friend." I said, smirking at Gaara while Tsunade went off.

"Naruto?" Gaara guessed, a spark of happiness on his face.

"That's him. He gave me a tour of Konoha. It's really pretty." _But I still don't get why you had to torture me._

"That's great." Gaara replied monotonously.

"Yeah, we were going to go for ramen. He said it's the best… Want to come?" I invited. I doubt Naruto would mind the company.

"Sure." he agreed.

"Great! Let's go…" I enthused, taking his hand and pulling him willingly away.

* * *

"Hey Naruto, you'd better hug me! I saved your ass!" I hollered, arriving with Gaara to see Naruto standing outside the ramen stand.

I held out my arms, a stupid grin on my face.

But Naruto didn't get to hug me, because Gaara hugged me instead, pulling me to the side, one arm pressing me against his chest. Naruto and I exchanged shocked expressions over Gaara's shoulder.

Keep in mind that this is Gaara. This is not normal Gaara behavior. Kira's brain does not compute. Now, I have hugged him many times before, but it was just plain obvious that hug was for Naruto. _Strange…_

"Are you two dating?!" Naruto bombed, shocking both Gaara and I. We couldn't even respond straight away.

I swear the temperature of my face skyrocketed. You know that feeling when someone asks you an awkward question, and you just don't know how to respond eloquently? This is my problem right now.

"We live together, but no, are not dating." _Thank you, Gaara._

"Oh, okay. I'm hungry. Let's go eat!" I stuttered, bringing attention away from the topic.

We all went inside the restaurant and sat on the stools along the bar. It was a busy evening, so we were lucky to have gotten three seats together. Naruto sat down first, on the middle seat, so Gaara and I sat on either side of him.

"I don't think I've ever had this "ramen" before… or at least I don't think I have…" I admitted.

"You've never tried ramen before?!" Naruto exclaimed. _It isn't that shocking to have never tasted ramen before is it?_

"I don't think so… So, you tell me what one's the best. I'm feeling adventurous." I chuckled.

Naruto ordered two bowls of miso ramen with pork. Gaara went with it and ordered the same. The ramen dude handed us our bowls of whatever Naruto's high off of all the time I swear I've never met someone so enthusiastic.

"Eat up, Kira! It's on me!" Naruto encouraged, placing the first bowl of miso ramen in front of me.

"Aww, you shouldn't have." _Yes you should, I'm broke._

I don't have much money left over from the grab and drop toy machine Naruto and I found on my tour. In my defense, I saw a T-rex stuffy and wanted to make it my new Tyrone. And it was blue. I _fucking_ _love_ the colour blue. Green is I suppose, is too mainstream for a T-rex. Sorry, Tyrone the first. You were always a bit too mainstream. I guess that's why you died. The fire thought you were a failure and burnt you to a crisp.

…Holy crap, I'm an evil hipster. The world makes so much sense now.

The only problem I had with the ramen was with the utensils used to eat them. Yup, you guessed it, I can't use chopsticks, and I can't resort to stabbing them into my food like a fork. Noodles can't exactly be stabbed. This is yet another reason why I'm a hipster in this world. I'm Kira, the somewhat unintentional hipster, here from who knows where.

I think Naruto ate at least ten bowls of ramen. I never thought it was possible for someone to eat that much…

"Naruto, you should enter a ramen eating contest. You'd be rich." I laughed, twirling some noodles around my chopsticks.

"I should totally do that!" Naruto blindly agreed.

"Do it! Do it!" I urged.

"Naruto, I wouldn't do that." Gaara countered.

"Huh, why not?" Naruto asked, curious to know why he couldn't become the ramen lord.

"You might get sick of ramen." Gaara explained.

"Get sick of ramen! That'll never happen! Believe it!" _I believe it alright._

* * *

Gaara and I decided to walk back to the hotel. Actually, it was my idea. Being on a ninja while they're running is kind of like riding a roller coaster. Considering we had just eaten, I didn't think running was the best idea.

"Hey, Gaara?" I spoke, getting his attention.

"Hmm." Gaara indicated for me to continue.

"Naruto's a really nice guy." I remarked.

"He is…" Gaara agreed.

"… Gaara, are you feeling alright?" I asked, noticing his stonier behavior. Sure, he's quiet, but usually, he's livelier.

"Why would you ask that?" he responded with another question.

"You just seem a bit different today, that's all." I explained.

"How so?" he refused to admit his trouble… whatever it was.

"Gaara, why did you intercept Naruto's hug?" I might as well get straight to the point.

"…I felt like it." he admitted.

"…Gaara?" I started, grabbing his hand so we would stop.

"What?"

I let go of his hand, throwing my arms out.

"Come here, you."

* * *

A/N: I know, not as funny as the last couple. There was a lot I had to get done in this chapter. Though... I hope you enjoyed the fluff. I've been pushing them lately, haven't I? It was longer too, but I cut some bits out that weren't really needed. So, I hope it was enjoyable. Thanks for reading! Reviews are love! :3


	9. Child's Play

A/N: Hey, it's been a while. Sorry! On the bright side, I've edited every single chapter before this one. No significant changes were made. I've just improved a lot in my writing and wanted to touch things up a bit. The plot is the same. (Yes, I've got everything planed out. There should me 21 chapters or more in total, 85 000+ words.)

Shout outs to Meta the Cookie, Aishachase97, and I see you see for the wonderful reviews! Also, thanks to anyone who followed or gave this story a favorite.

Enjoy!

Chapter: Child's Play

Disclaimer: I own squat. Just the bullshit.

* * *

Dear Starface,

My soul is puzzled, my dear star-freckled face… I believe I just witnessed jealousy… over me. I am so delighted, but have absolutely no clue why I can't scare the shit out of Gaara anymore. It's a shame, really…

Your ratchet master,

Kira

* * *

"Hey, Gaara… Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked from the doorway of Gaara and Kankuro's room.

Kankuro gave me a sly look from his place on his unmade bed, his attention momentarily away from the puppet parts he had laid out.

I raised an eyebrow at him. _Why are you looking at me like that?_

"Gaara's sleeping." Kankuro said while pointing at the Gaara sized lump on the bed next to him. "He needs to get up soon anyway…"

I steeped over Kankuro's various tools sprawled across the floor, making my way over to the side of Gaara's bed.

"Gaara~" I called, attempting to snap him out of dreamland.

"That's not going to work. He got his new sleeping medication yesterday. It's supposed to be wicked." Kankuro commented, working away.

"Fine… Gaara!"

"Try again." Kankuro mumbled.

"GAARA!" I hollered.

"The insulation here is amazing. Feel free to screech." Kankuro added. _I'm wondering how he knows this, but then I also don't want to know…_

"…_MORNING HOTCAKES, HOW'S IT GOING IN HEAVEN?!_" I screeched, my voice echoing around the room.

Kankuro fell off the bed, clutching his ears. "Shortcake… _Why?_"

"You told me to screech. You didn't say how loud." I sassed, nonchalant.

Kankuro mumbled incoherently, rolling around on the floor.

Gaara's form twitched, letting me know my deafening screech had worked. Not wanting to risk him falling into deep sleep again, I grabbed the bed covers near the headboard and pulled, stripping the blankets off of him.

That was not the brightest idea, because as it turns out, Gaara was half naked.

I squealed and bolted out of the room as fast as my legs could carry me, slamming the door behind me, and leaning my back against the door.

"Hey, Shortcake!" Kankuro hollered from inside the room _and I somehow heard him. Sorry neighbors… Please don't get us kicked out…_

"What?!" I yelled back, somewhat bitter.

"He didn't see you! It's cool!"

"Really?!"

"What are you two yelling about?" That was not Kankuro or me. Neither was it the asshole nearby who ate all the curly fries at the buffet lunch or the cleaning lady who gave me a palm reading. It was Gaara.

"…"

"Gaara, are you dressed?" I asked, lowering my tone.

"…Wait… Now I am."

"Can I talk to you… over breakfast?"

* * *

"So, what is it you want to talk about?" Gaara asked as we sat down across from each other at one of the tables in the breakfast hall. We had chosen a two-seater table near the white curtained window.

Breakfast consisted of almost endless choices. Being a buffet, both our plates were heaped. I wanted to try a little bit of everything. Gaara was less explorative, only picking a few select foods. And how can I forget coffee? Despite Gaara's ability to sleep nowadays, he still likes his coffee... and lots of it. I being the ever adventurous one, decided to try out this totally rad slushy machine meant for lunchtime. Banana slushies are the best type of slushy ever. Nobody can convince me otherwise.

"The council wants to tear down Karma's bakery to build a K-Mart or something." I stated, pouting at the thought.

"I'll see what I can do." Gaara assured, not even questioning my motives.

I beamed, filled with joy. "Thanks. Oh, and there's no pressure or anything. I'm just trying to help Karma out."

He gave me a light smile in return. "I understand. You want to help your friend."

"Yeah, if it was you, I'd do the same." I replied before taking a long slurp of my slushy.

"You consider me a friend?" His reaction was too surprised for my tastes. His tone held his shock. His eyes widened. Nobody should ever be that surprised over being considered a friend. It's sad and just plain unjust.

"Of course I do." I coughed, almost snorting banana slushy out of my nose.

"… I consider you a friend as well." He spoke only partially recovered, awkwardly handing me a napkin.

My heart almost stopped. I thought I might have died. But then I realized that I wasn't really dying and decided to take another nice long slurp of my banana slushy.

"Kira, that is not meant for breakfast." Gaara scolded, calling me out on my unhealthy choice of a breakfast beverage.

I smirked coyly at him as I binge drank my slushy delicacy. It's not every day that you see a slushy machine with a banana flavored option. _At least, I don't think it is…_

"You're going to get a brain freeze drinking it like that." Gaara warned.

Gaara should have warned me earlier and the catastrophe could have been avoided, but no, he couldn't do that and I was hit by a cosmic brain freeze. I groaned, clutching my head and shot Gaara a pout.

He seemed to find my pain entertaining, because he mockingly, coyly smirked at me.

* * *

I wish I understood more about ninja politics. Being in the dark about everything gets annoying.

That's why I'm in this bookstore. I could use a good book to explain political jargon to me. Maybe then, I won't look like such an idiot. It gets frustrating when people give me the 'Are you stupid?' look. Unfortunately, it's a look I often get. Sometimes, I deserve it, but most of the time, I just don't know what I'm talking about and have to get someone to clarify.

Gaara happens to be my treasured dictionary. I feel comfortable asking him 'stupid' things. He may be a bit shocked about how much I don't know, but I completely understand that. I'm shocked myself. But he never makes me feel overly stupid. 'Overly' as in I feel stupid anyway due to having to ask.

As I browsed the back shelf of the store, a book called _Politics for Dumb People _on the top shelf caught my eye. The title made it seem as if it would legit help poor desperate me.

It was as I stood on my tiptoes, reaching for the fine piece of literature, that I had a 'short person problem'. That book would not get off its throne. It glared down at me as if declaring 'You will never reach me, peasant!' I rightfully stuck my tongue out at it, irritated with its kingly ways. There should be laws against shelves that are over five feet tall. It makes things difficult for the ground people.

A pair of hands (that were not mine) slid the book off the shelf, and held it down so I could reach it. I pulled the book to my chest.

"Thank you." I spoke, gazing up at my masked helper, one of the sky people.

"Well, you weren't getting it on your own." he inferred to which I pouted. "Is there anything else up there you want?"

"I guess I would like a book to read for leisure… Though, I'm not familiar with many of the books here. I'm sure I can find something on the bottom shelfs, but thanks for the offer." I settled, raising a finger to my chin.

"No problem. If you want something to read, I recommend Icha Icha. It's on the stand at the front of the store."

"I'll check it out." I decided.

"You won't regret it." he assured, heading off to look at some novels in the corner.

With my book to my chest, I strolled down the nearby lane of books, heading towards the front of the store. When I came to the said stand, it didn't take long to spot the recommended series. The books were undeniably popular, having their own display.

I cracked the first book open to a random page. After reading the first sentence I spotted, I blushed profusely and clapped the book shut. I decided that the series is a work of genius, and scooped up the next two books. Some money was chucked and I dashed.

* * *

As planned, I cracked the book open as soon as I got back to the hotel, sprawling on my bed and diving straight into the world of Icha Icha.

"Kira, what did you buy?" Temari asked, taking a folded blouse out of her scroll she had unrolled on her bed, and placing it on top of a black skirt next to the magic parchment.

"Have you've ever heard of Icha Icha? It's now my guilty pleasure." I responded, flipping another page.

"I have heard of it… but just _why_ are you reading _that_ of all things?" she questioned, rolling up her scroll.

"I also bought a book on politics, but this book is _so_ _good_, a literary masterpiece. You should give it a go." I enthused.

"Well… maybe some other time." she spoke, a rouge tint appearing on her cheeks, making me give her a sly smirk. "Don't look at me like that."

I buried my face in my book and stuffed back a giggle.

"I'm going to change. What are you doing for the rest of the day?" Temari continued, lifting her clothes off the bed and holding them to her chest.

"Hmm… I don't know. I might just read this goodness for the rest of the day, but I could chill with Naruto… That is, if I can find him." I doubt tracking down a ninja is an easy thing for a civilian.

"There's a fair starting at one. I'm guessing you wouldn't want to miss that." _You bet I wouldn't…_

"Never would I ever want to miss that." I stated while folding the corner of my page and clapping my book shut. "Who else is going?" _Who wants to babysit me? I'm letting out my inner child. You might need to take out the straight jacket. _

I placed my book on the bedside table.

"Gaara and Kankuro are still here for political reasons. Me too, but you know…" _I know alright. Give me a hundred adoptive nieces and nephews. _"Though, you never know, they may show up near the end if you tell them you're going."

_Well, crap. Kira unleashed it is._

I slid my legs over the edge of the bed and yawned like a waking lion, my arching back causing me to land on my behind with a thud.

"Was that really necessary?" Temari asked, bemused.

"Nope, but it sure felt good." I sighed, getting up on my feet. "Where is that fair, again?"

"I never told you. It should be on your pamphlet."

"If anyone needs me, that's where I'll be… I'm going to stuff my face with funnel cake." I stated, scrambling out the door.

"Kira, wait!" Temari called.

"What?"

"Gaara wants to talk to you…" _Oh my gawd._

"Ah... okay…. Where is our darling ruler?"

* * *

I knocked twice, my soul giddy.

Honestly, I knew there was nothing to be giddy about. For all I know, he wants someone to hear about this new species of cacti he heard about. Yet, I couldn't help but dream like a Disney princess.

The door clicked open, revealing the cacti overlord.

"You wanted to talk…?" I spoke uneasily. There is no doubt my thoughts have managed to imprint my face.

"I have something to give you." he explained, pulling the door open the rest of the way. _Score!_

"Oh… You shouldn't have." I gushed, beaming. _Marry me, you freaking attractive Santa. _

_…That did not sound right._

My face contorted into a goofy smile, as he pulled something out of his pocket. His fist was around it so I couldn't see.

I held out my hands, one palm on top of the other to which he dropped something light into them. Peering into my outreached palms, I discovered that my gift was a pressed daisy.

"Thank you. It's lovely." I appreciated. _How sweet…_

_"_I thought so too. I'm glad you like it." Gaara spoke, returning my smile. I almost melted in the moment. My happiness was so much, I almost saw spots. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating there. That's not normal… Let's leave it to I was overjoyed… to the extreme.

"I'll treasure it more than Tyrone." I assured, slipping the daisy into my skirt pocket. _It's never getting toasty._

"You didn't love Tyrone? You seemed attached to him." Gaara spoke, non-existent eyebrow raised.

"I originally named a dinosaur in a colouring book Tyrone. He was _blue_. Can we keep the next part between us…?" I replied.

"It's going to be something ridiculous anyway. Sure." he inferred, nonchalant.

"You know me so well." I happily pointed out.

"You're easy to read. What's the next part?" he asked.

"I created Tyrone II to throw people off. I'm an asshole." I explained.

"I knew that." _Ouch, Gaara… Right in the feels. _

"Yup, I'm an asshole." I thoroughly enjoy making people think I'm crazy… most of the time. All the other times, I thought I was being truthful.

"I know you like throwing people off. I meant that only." he corrected.

"That's nice of you. Gaara… you're really kind." I'd go as far to say that he's the kindest person I've ever met. My reasons… you know them.

He had the modesty to look shocked. Though, I guess 'kind' isn't often used to describe Gaara, or at least, not something he is often complimented for. It takes time to get to know him. I still haven't uncovered all of his mysteries. His past is one of them, something I'm waiting for the right moment to ask about, or until he tells me. His past is dark. I know that, and that's why I'm being patient.

I hesitantly raised my hand to his cheek, cupping it. "Don't be so surprised. I'm not pulling your leg this time." I chided before removing my hand in shock over my actions. A nervous string of laughter left my mouth when I realized what I had done. "A-Anyways, I'm going to the fair. I know you have work, so if you can't show up, even at the end, I understand. B-But just in case you want to, you're welcome to join me."

"Maybe near the end." Gaara spoke, still shocked.

"Oh, okay. I might see you there then. See you!" I squeaked before speed walking down the hall. My embarrassment meter was so high, I almost got mercury poisoning.

As for Gaara, I didn't look back out of embarrassment, but when I made it down the eighth flight of stairs, I concluded that I had broken Gaara's mind… into a billion teensy, weensy pieces.

* * *

It was by the cotton candy stand that I spotted Naruto, waiting in a five meter long line for a Ferris Wheel ride.

"Naruto!" I cried, waving my fluffy pink cotton candy stick in the air, and walking the short distance to him.

There was no way I'd wait in line with him. The dark haired girl next to him, clinging to his arm seems to be his date, and I'm not crashing it. I'm just going to say 'hello'.

"Kira-!" Naruto started.

"Naruto… Who is this?" the dark haired girl asked, appearing to not have heard of me. She peered up at Naruto sweetly.

"I'm Kira. I came with the sand siblings. Nice to meet you…um…" I spoke for him.

"Hinata." she greeted warmly. "Nice to meet you too."

"Naruto's girlfriend…?" I prodded, giving a playful, teasing smirk.

"Yeah. She's my girlfriend. Believe it!" Naruto confirmed enthusiastically.

"Aww… Cute!" I gushed. "…I want to show you guys something…? _Want to see…?_" I enthused, remembering the token in my pocket.

_ I'm such a child._

I dug the pressed daisy out of my skirt pocket, holding it between my thumb and my index finger. "Pretty, right?" I marveled, handing the daisy to Naruto.

"Nice, Kira." Naruto confirmed, holding the daisy up to the sun for examination.

Naruto and Hinata shared a sly look, as if they knew something I didn't. I was about to call them out on it, but something more important stopped me.

A monstrous breeze, one that made me forget to breathe for a moment, swept across the fairgrounds. Apparently, Hinata is more important than my treasured daisy, because Naruto only bothered to save her, steadying her as she tottered from the sudden impact. My daisy fluttered off in the wind. It flew like a leaf, soaring carelessly.

Not wanting my precious token to be lost, and knowing Gaara would surely ask about it later, I tailed that drifting daisy, throwing my cotton candy behind me with a 'It's yours now!'

Just my luck, it landed in the nearby ball pit… and it was not empty. There were three school aged children prodding through the rainbow sea.

A little boy, wearing a striped blue and white shirt, and a mischievous smile, decided to make things a hell of a lot harder for me. Eyeing the two auburn pig-tailed little girls, seeming to be his younger identical twin sisters, he created a ball pit tsunami wave right at them… and my poor pressed daisy.

I screeched, belly flopping into the treacherous sea, regrettably creating an even bigger impact.

"Soldiers!" I alerted when I popped up to the surface. "Here is your mission! Find the pressed daisy and hand it to me! The winner gets free funnel cake!"

The children, eager to stuff their faces, scrummaged the ball pit.

Because I was more concerned about my daisy than anything, I helped those children. People didn't like that so much. 'Making a scene' is an understatement. I'm pretty sure I must have made the front page of the 'Konoha Times' or whatever their local newspaper is called. At least the children will forever be inspired to always remain a child at heart.

It took a full hour and a half to find the daisy. The children were lulled away by their parents who promised them funnel cake anyway an hour through our searching. I got no more 'soldiers' due to nobody wanting their children to associate with a 'crazy lunatic'.

Hinata and Naruto left the Ferris Wheel ride long ago to go to 'a totally gnarly house of mirrors in which you can morph into a potato ' according to some random youth.

I wanted to go when I was done, but I was hungry.

…So, I decided to stuff my face with funnel cake until I found someone to force to go with me.

I hit two birds with one stone, because I found a certain cake-lover sitting at a picnic table near the funnel cake stand. Rightfully irritated that he didn't tell me he was going to the fair, I snatched a plastic fork from the funnel cake stand, sat down across from him, and stuck my fork in his untouched cake.

"Shortcake…" he whined. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"You didn't tell me you were going to the fair." I explained, putting a piece of his cake in my mouth.

"You've crossed the line." he scolded,

"So have you." _Wow, I need to find my inner chill again._

Kankuro grumbled something incoherent under his breath. It was probably something nasty, and much nastier than his delicious funnel cake which I care more about than any of his insults.

Having a heart, I flung a few coins at him, enough to pay for another slice of funnel cake.

"Ouch!" Kankuro exclaimed before picking up the scattered coins that had rained over him and the ground.

"Wuss." I insulted, munching down on his funnel cake. _Who pissed in my cereal?_

_…Kankuro._

"Says you; the one who acted as if you were dying when you broke your foot bone!" he rebuked, deeming me a hypocrite.

"Hey…" I whined, obviously faking hurt. "Don't make fun of my shitty pain tolerance."

"It is shitty." he agreed, standing up. "Anyways, I'm going to get more funnel cake."

While he was off, I pecked at my cake, savouring every bite. I only stopped when Gaara surprised me with his presence, unknowingly stealing Kankuro's seat… and making me nervous.

"Hey, Gaara…" I greeted, awkward due to my previous actions towards him. I consider him a friend, but what I had done wasn't a friendly action.

Gaara didn't even look fazed. "Hello."

Observing his behavior, I calmed my nerves. There's no reason to freak out if he isn't, but I do admit to still feeling awkward.

Gaara asked the expected question. "Do you have the daisy?"

"Yes I do. It shall never die. Long live the daisy."

* * *

"Wow, this place is huge." I remarked, strolling through the totally gnarly house of mirrors with Gaara at my side.

We lost Kankuro when he wanted to see himself turn into a noodle, but we wanted to turn into a giant potato. (Well, I wanted to turn into a giant potato. Gaara didn't say which one he wanted to go to. He just followed me when Kankuro and I split ways.)

That's right, we ditched Kankuro.

…Well, I did. Gaara still hasn't realized he's gone yet.

"Where's Kankuro?" Gaara finally asked.

"I have an idea." I said, a wondrous lightbulb flashing in my brain.

"What is it?" Gaara questioned as I walked a bit ahead, my footsteps echoing.

"HERE'S KANKY!" I hollered before sinking to the tile floor in a fit of laughter.

A piercing screech echoed through the house of mirrors.

"There he is." I choked.

* * *

A/N: So, how was it? Kira and co will be leaving Konoha in another bit. This chapter had a lot of progression, but next chapter will be more humor based. I'm currently the only one editing, so if anyone wants to have a go at it, I'd greatly appreciate it. I've also started a Harvest Moon fanfic if anybody wants to give that a shot. Reviews are love. :3

Next Chapter: Kankuro Can't Breathe Underwater


	10. Kankuro Can't Breathe Underwater

Chapter: Kankuro Can't Breathe Underwater

A/N: I'M SO SORRY! I look so long, but please remember that I will never forget this story. I'd love to update more often, but I've been super busy lately. Though, I do promise you will see the ending of this story.

Thanks to sourcreamster, ladybrittania7, Aishachase97, Valanime, and 3 This Story for the wonderful reviews, as well as to everyone who gave this story a follow or a favorite!

Disclaimer: I own squat… except Kira, the other oc's and the plot. That bullshit is definitely mine.

* * *

Dear Starface,

My prized possession is now a daisy. Tyrone has been murdered by a mutant saw. But he couldn't be my most prized possession now, even if he was still alive, because _Gaara_ gave me the daisy.

Long live the daisy,

Kira

* * *

Sadness is when you're walking with two of your buddies at the fair and you're wearing a skirt because you literally don't own a pair of pants.

I couldn't ride the drop tower yesterday without flashing all of Konoha.

Sadness is also when some asshole stole your new favourite series and you're left with nothing but a book on politics to keep you occupied. The plus side is that I actually understand things now. The downside is that ninja politics is just as boring as the 'normal politics'. Politics is politics regardless of what planet it occurs on.

I now have immense pity for Gaara. The poor soul… In fact, I felt so bad, I decided to bake him a cake with a shit-load of rainbow sprinkles.

…But then I remembered that we're staying at a hotel and my room doesn't have an oven. So, I bought a small, vanilla iced, mini cake from some jazzy corner store at four in the morning that said 'It's a boy!'. He has done a lot of nice things for me, so I figured I'd return the favour.

What was I doing at a jazzy corner store so early in the morning?

During a horror movie marathon with Kankuro and Gaara, _someone_ punched a hole straight through the T.V. Gaara and I made I pit stop to get some coffee after buying a new T.V. identical to the one Kankuro had broken. If anyone's wondering, Kankuro is still hiding in the bathroom from Temari who had arrived just in time to see 'Cat Man's' deadly punch.

When I exited the store, gray, plastic bag, containing my surprise, a jumbo size box of mints, and a can of energy drink dangling from my right hand, I found Gaara siting on the bench beside the store, savouring his super-sized coffee.

I sat next to him, placing my bag next to me, beside the bench. "Tired?" I asked softly, noticing his half closed eyes.

"It's too early…" Gaara stated before taking another sip of his coffee. "The sun hasn't risen yet." Gaara would have to go to work in a few hours. Unfortunately for him, Konoha has an infestation of morning people.

"I feel the same. Let's just sit here for a bit…" I replied.

Gaara frowned. "We should return. We're leaving in the afternoon, so you should get some sleep."

I couldn't help but smile at his concern. "I'd say you should. Don't worry about me." After all, I'm not the one with _a serious case of insomnia_. "Though, thanks for, you know… worrying about me…"

"You should sleep, Kira." _Like you're one to talk…_

"I may be speaking out of line when I say this, but I think it should be _you_ doing the sleeping." I've seen rocks look more alive. Seriously, the rock that gave me Shrek foot looks like Molester Moon, and I sure hope that thing doesn't actually exist. The rock is in some alternate universe inside a magic scroll, along with Karma's. I plan on chucking them into the ocean on our way back. Who knows, maybe a mermaid found it? I don't know fantasy from reality anymore.

"I didn't sleep at all until two years ago. I should be able to go without sleep until we camp on the way back."

I paused, taking in the impossible. "…Did you just say you've never slept a day in your life up until two years ago?"

Gaara looked at the ground. "Unfortunately, yes."

I promptly dug out the cake, holding it out to him. Gaara didn't respond, choosing to stare at it.

"Sympathy cake." I explained. "Cake makes everything better. I think Kankuro would agree, seeing how much funnel cake he ate." I placed the cake in his awkward hands. "Please disregard the lettering. I'm not pregnant." I joked, stifling a giggle. "But just so you know, if I ever did get knocked up, I'd name the kid Marco, and then have another kid and call it Polo."

"That's an interesting choice." Gaara said, taking me seriously.

I smirked, choosing to play along with my previous statement. "I _so_ would. On another note, we should eat this before Kankuro does."

Cake is always better when it is shared… but only when it is shared with someone you love. Everybody else can fend for themselves, because _hell no,_ _that cake is mine._

* * *

"Kankuro." I said, attempting to grab his attention. "Wake up. We're leaving soon."

Kankuro groaned, fully dressed (_Thank god._), and rolled over in the bathtub. He had fallen asleep there unusually late last night, unable to leave due to Temari.

"Kankuro." I repeated.

He groaned again.

I will tell you right now that I'm not a bitch, but Gaara promised to take me with him when he goes to say bye to Naruto (which is very soon), so I have a pretty good excuse to be one. I twisted the cold water knob on the bathtub, letting the icy water greet Kankuro's face 'good morning'.

Kankuro jolted up, smacking his head against the spout. His action resulted in plentiful cursing, plentiful groaning, and plentiful laughing because I am an asshole. He may have also choked on water and cursed my lovely, self-given name.

But I was long gone before he brought out the bucket of icy, cold water, and safe in the presence of Temari, outside the bathroom door. She was leaning against the opposite wall, waiting to get in. Her fan was next to her, ready to go.

"He won't make it to you." Temari assured, looking up when she heard the door open.

"Thanks." I wasn't about to protect Kankuro from Temari's wrath.

I later had to explain to the cleaning lady that nobody was dying in room 514. I even had to bride her with one of Gaara's shirts, and forge his signature on it. Let's just hope she doesn't come to clean his room later and he happens to be there...

Never mind, his expression would be hilarious.

* * *

Naruto was sad to see us go, but I think Gaara was sad to leave Naruto's too. Now that I think about it, Gaara doesn't have many friends. (that I know of) His cacti don't count either. He didn't show it on his face, but Gaara said something that made me think their relationship special.

It was on the way to Naruto's that I discovered this. Gaara and I walked there together. I don't always go with Gaara to Naruto's in respect to being new. I had asked

"How did you meet Naruto?" I asked, thinking it an innocent question; a casual conversation starter. But when Gaara replied, I knew I had unintentionally asked him to tell me his tragic backstory.

Gaara's answer was short, but to the point. "He saved me from the darkness." My heart clenched. "He was my first friend." He said it so casually, it made my heart clench even tighter.

As soon as he said those words, I tackled him in a hug. I felt like I had just watched _The Notebook_, or something equally as sappy. Though, I stopped when I noticed there were people around.

"Kira, are you… crying…?" _Yeah_… Gaara didn't know what to do at that point. He patted my head awkwardly in an attempt to comfort me. Also, It seems that when I _do _scare the shit out of him, it has to be when he least expects it.

I promptly wiped my watering eyes. "Ah, no, no! I'm fine. I must have gotten dust in my eyes"

"Dust?" We were walking on pavement, and the wind mocked me by not stirring at all. The wind is only Temari's bitch. _Screw you, wind. _

"Yeah, it's kind of like when sand gets in the eyes." I further explained. "Sometimes, it makes me want to scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon."

Gaara frowned, either remembering an event when sand got in his eyes, or being deeply disturbed by my comment. "That's a horrible feeling."

I smirked playfully. "Oh, _it is_… But if, by some terrible accident, somebody steals your eyes, you can have one of mine… or both, if by chance, I hit the bucket."

Gaara, as usual, took me seriously. "No, you should keep your eyes."

"Wow!" I exclaimed, fascinated by the idea that people can screw with optic nerves. "_Eye transplant is possible?_" This world never ceases to amaze me with its ability to defy reality. "Wait... nobodies going to steal my eyes are they...?"

"It has happened... but I doubt anybody would steal your eyes in particular." _Ouch... Gaara, why must you hurt me so? _

I sighed in disappointment. "Are they _that_ boring?"

"No. They're actually an interesting shade. It's just that some people have kekkei genkais; blood limits. People might try to steal them for power." Gaara explained, putting my mind at ease.

"Do you have a kekkei gankai?" I asked, wondering if Gaara has raptor vision, or can shoot lasers out of his eyes like Superman. Holy crap, what if he has _X-ray vision?_

"No."

"Good. Then I won't have to worry about anybody trying to sell your eyes on the black market."

* * *

Our traveling was surprisingly uneventful. I tried to start a game of 'I Spy', but that doesn't work very well when you're running (in my case, piggy backing) through the woods at a pace that would give Flash déjà vu. I could have kicked up a fuss, but just because I'm insane in the membrane, doesn't mean I'm going to make everyone else become that way too. Sure, I like screwing with people, but being annoying isn't my thing. It just causes me more pain in return.

Being annoying is more Kankuro's thing. He complained so much, Temari threw a rock at him. I cheered her on because of two reasons. One, Kankuro was starting to piss me off. Two, I think rocks should burn in hell. The rock missed its target, but I was still satisfied due to the pain the rock must have suffered when it crumbled to dust on a nearby tree trunk.

Eventually, we all decided it was time to take a break. We headed towards the coast on our way to Suna, and decided to camp near the beach.

Unfortunately, I don't even own a pair of pants, let alone a swim suit. So, I had to borrow one of Temari's. I picked a boring, plain, black full piece; the only thing that would fit me.

Seeing how the sandcastle master himself was with me, I knew I had to ask him to help me built a sandcastle. After helping Temari set up camp, I trudged my way through the hot sand, yelping and cursing to Gaara, lying fully clothed (_Sad, right?_) on the sand, relaxing with his eyes closed.

I didn't want to disturb him, so I decided to go for a swim in the ocean.

"You could've slowed down a bit." I scolded, doggy paddling over to Kankuro. "Not everyone can do flips and shit."

"But most people know how to swim." Kankuro retorted, slowing down so I swam next to him.

"I know how to swim," I scoffed, putting more effort into my paddles so I swam a bit ahead of him. "I'm doing it right now."

"You're doggy paddling." Kankuro deadpanned. _Doggy paddling is swimming, Kankuro. What are you talking about?_

I splashed him, but my splash pathetically missed its target. "Like a boss."

Kankuro wouldn't let it drop. "No, like a dog."

I smirked. "A boss dog."

Kankuro sighed. "You're impossible to insult."

"Live and learn, Kanky. Sometimes, you have to embrace your inner hippy and-" Something slimy wrapped itself around my foot. "_Good god! There's something near my feet!_"

"What?" Kankuro blurted, 'real swimming' the short distance over to me. "Don't worry. It's probably a fish or something."

"_THERE'S SOMETHING NEAR MY FEET!_" I repeated, my voice growing even shriller. I cringed when I felt something tickle my other foot. "_IT'S GOING TO EAT ME!_"

"Kira, calm down. It's just your-" I watched as Kankuro's face morphed into a look of pure horror, mirroring mine. "_IT'S GOING TO EAT MY LEG!_"

I latched onto Kankuro's arm, clawing my way on top of him. "_SAVE ME!_"

Kankuro was unable to swim away, his focus being on preventing himself by drowning. I didn't share that worry, because Kankuro is my new boogie board.

"_KIRA, LET GO OF MY HAIR!_" Kankuro hollered, attempting to pull me off of him.

"_KRAKEN WILL NEVER EAT ME!_" I screeched back, refusing to meet my end.

"_IS THAT WHAT IT IS?! HOW DO WE DEFEAT KRAKEN?_"

His question was left unanswered. I felt the disgusting strands slide away, but I felt fearful as I heard a splash. Something, whatever horrible thing it was, had come out of the water.

When I looked up, I felt very, very stupid.

'Kraken' was nothing but a massive tangle of green, slimy seaweed, now dangling from Gaara's outstretched hand. Gaara somehow stood on top of the water (I have seen too much madness to truly be shocked anymore.), but I only felt relief. I was saved from Kraken's clutches.

With little effort, Gaara tossed the green wad outwards, farther into the ocean. "Kraken has been defeated." he declared nonchalantly. Though I doubt he was even trying to be sarcastic.

"Gaara, I fucking love you." I stated without thinking. It wasn't a confession of my undying love. It was something one would say to a friend who had just offered their last chip. I hadn't taken into consideration how Gaara might perceive it, which is most likely not how I wanted him to perceive it.

Kankuro got out of the water, standing up beside Gaara. He looked a bit embarrassed for himself, and for that, I couldn't blame him. He just let a hobbit pull his hair. "I'm never swimming in the ocean again." he grumbled.

"Good idea. It's the ocean's Port-A-Potty." I encouraged, resolving to never swim in anything but a pool for as long as I shall live.

"And you're still in it." Kankuro reminded. "Anyways, I'm heading back to camp. I've had enough for the day."

I was about to say something stupid so Kankuro wouldn't leave me alone with Gaara, but ninja speed was put to use.

_Yeah… _Gaara took my words the wrong way. I can tell by how he's finding Kraken's graveyard so interesting. His expression is blank, but his eyes betray a smidge of shock. I won't react to it. It'll only make things worse.

"Hey, Gaara…?" I started uneasily, shifting his attention over to me. His expression had solidified into a neutral mask. "Can you maybe bring me back to shore…? After that conversation with Kankuro, I don't want to swim anymore." I held my arms out to him, giving him a tiny smirk for good measure.

Gaara responded by lifting me out of the water, slinging me over his shoulder like a sack of sweet potatoes. (Sweet potatoes are better than regular potatoes. I refuse to be reduced to a lowly, normal potato.) We zipped back to shore, and I was let down near the water.

"Thanks." I appreciated.

Gaara nodded, and then… he ditched me like I was a lowly, normal potato. He started to head up the beach to our camp near the edge of the woods without a word.

"You're welcome to stay with me if you'd like." I welcomed, hoping for his company. "I was planning on chucking the rock that screwed up my foot and its buddy into the water near that ledge over there." I pointed to the small cliff a short distance to my right, overlooking water deep enough for me to throw my rocks off of.

"It's alright. I was planning on doing some reading." Gaara declined, stopping to turn to halfway face me.

"What book? I might want to borrow it when you're done." All I've got is that lousy book on politics…

"Icha Icha." he replied, not an ounce of shame on his face. "I borrowed it from you. I hope you don't mind."

_So, that's where my precious merchandise went…_

Despite my frustration that he hadn't told me, I _do _fucking love Gaara, so I spared him my wrath. "No, I don't mind. Have fun!"

Gaara headed off to read some 'fine literature'.

As I walked over to the ledge of the mini cliff, I couldn't help but be puzzled over Gaara's interest in my new favorite series ever. It may be my type of book, but I find it strange that Gaara would be interested in it. Maybe he's trying something new? That would be good for him; to embrace new things. I just hope he isn't aiming to learn anything from it. For the record, I wrote that worry on my rock before I chucked it in the ocean.

* * *

I found myself alone by the campfire that night. Gaara is traumatizing himself inside the tent with the books he stole from me, and Kankuro and Temari are snoring like grizzlies inside. I wish sharpies weren't so lethal. If they weren't, I could have some fun with them. Gaara wouldn't stop me.

The night air is making me shiver. I should go shopping when I get back to Suna, because I really should own at least a pair of pants. Noticing that the fire was diming, I got up from my place by the fire, and trekked a short distance into the woods.

I don't have an axe or even a cool ninja tool, so snapping branches off with my hands would have to do. It took me a while to finally find a low branch I had at least some chance at snapping. _Come on branch… I just want to burn you…_

"Having trouble?" a voice I didn't recognize asked, as I hung off the branch like a sloth, using my full weight in an attempt to break it off.

I squinted at the person, who stood a typical foot taller than me. I knew by her voice that she was a woman, but I couldn't make out her features due to the dark.

The voice was oddly familiar, making me wonder if I had met her somewhere before. "Nah, I got this…" I grunted, hearing the branch creak. I put one of feet down, anticipating the branch to snap soon. "But more importantly, do I know you? Excuse me if I sound rude…"

"You used to." the woman spoke plainly.

I got off the branch, turning my attention to the more important matter. "Okay, sorry, but can you please explain yourself? This is very confusing for me." I made sure to put a good two meter's distance between the woman and I, just in case I need to make a run for camp. I don't trust random people in the woods who claim to know me. _Nobody knows me_. Only a select few know of my existence.

"Why don't you come with me?" she invited, making me even more wary of her presence. "You want to know of your life before the incident. Am I right…?"

I took a step backwards, but the woman started walking towards me. While I _do_ want to know more about my past, this is enough creepiness for one day. "S-sorry, I can't do that." I began to run towards camp, but I found another enemy: _a stupid root_. I stumbled over it, falling forwards onto the forest ground.

The woman laughed darkly. "Just like old times, huh? You've always been clumsy… But I'm not. You're coming with me… Oh, and I don't have chakra either. Nobody knows I'm here."

I know she's next to me, but I'm too scared to look at her. "Who are you?" I whispered.

The mysterious woman put her foot on my back, immobilizing me. "Jess. Nice to see you again, Kira. It's been a while…" She makes it sound as if she had the whole thing rehearsed, much to my annoyance.

Well, at least I remember my own name correctly… But now I know I'm dealing with a crazy Sharpie addict, so it looks like I'm screwed. I don't remember much about Jess; only that she uses Sharpies like pens and likes to listen to Hanna Montana songs on her iPod all day, all the time. (I could always hear it through her ear buds. Sometimes, the music appears in the background of my strange, frightening dreams.) Unfortunately, I was assigned to sit next to her in math class. She also annoys me almost as much as rocks do for obvious reasons.

I heard a clicking noise and something cold pressed against my right arm. "Please tell me that's not a gun." I croaked, frozen with fear.

"Tell me, Kira… Have you ever been under the influence of elephant tranquilizer?" Jess questioned rather coldly. "When I first came here, I thought it might kill a man, but then I shot somebody and they didn't die… I suppose it should be the same case with you, Kira… Prepare your arteries… and your veins too, I suppose…"

"_Oh…_ crap. Can I say one thing, though, before you shoot me?"

"Sure. Make it quick."

I may be a wuss, a pansy, and an absolute, complete sissy, but it's likely Jess has something to do with my wiped memory. Since I've been here, I've felt happy, sad, afraid, regretful, lonely, frustrated, confused, and many other emotions that swirl in the human mind. But I've never felt truly angry up until now. I've never had a reason to be.

At the mercy of my new sworn arch nemesis, I pushed back my fear of being murdered on the spot, and spat out a bold 'fuck you'.

Jess shot me in the ass instead.

* * *

A/N: I've planned the return of Jess since the beginning. ^_^ Again, I'm sorry for the wait. This chapter marks the half way point. I'll be finished in another ten chapters… I think. I don't want to rush things. Also… reviews please! Reviews are love. :3 On another note, if anybody is interested in editing future chapters of this story, please let me know!

Next Chapter: (I'll put the title here when I decide.)


	11. One in a Million Kiddnapper

Chapter: One in a Million Kidnappers

A/N: Well, it's been a while. Sorry. But the bullshit continues! I try to update this at least once a month.

Thanks to xela521, ladybrittania7, aishachase97, Valanime, and the guest reviewer for the lovely, lovely reviews. Also thanks to all who have followed or gave the story a favourite. Thanks!

Disclaimer: Only the insane amount of bullshit is mine. Naruto isn't.

* * *

Dear Starface,

Have you've ever met a person who irritates you so much, you want send a hoard of seagulls after them…? I've met that person. She even sings like a seagull.

Save me,

Kira

* * *

In case anybody is wondering, I'm not dead _yet_.

…But I certainly wish I was.

I am being driven to madness. The music Jess plays is torture. _Torture_, I say. She keeps playing it over, and over, and over again. All I can do is sit in my dog crate, curl into a fetal position, cover my ears, and attempt to keep my already crippled sanity in check. She only feeds me carrots. _I hate carrots. _She shot me in the ass. _I hate being shot in the ass. _She doesn't tell me shit. _I hate not knowing shit._

_I hate Jess._

It doesn't help that she knows more about me than I do her. Fate is cruel.

And she's currently right in front of my crate. I can see her black studded boots through the bars. As for where I am, I don't know. The only things I do know are that it's bright and indoors. The concrete wall is pitch black, like Jess's ratchet soul.

"Happy?" Jess mocked. I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Screw off." I grumbled, inching to the back of the crate. "I don't know how long or even _why_ you've kept me here, but it must have been for more than just my company… Just get to the point."

I like to think people are looking for me. Even if we can't be tracked by chakra, there must be some other way.

"No, no. I can't do that." she taunted, treating me as if I was a child, which I think to be unfair. She shouldn't know my ways. I've treated her differently. Besides, I can be mature at times… when needed to. I'm fully aware of my actions. "Surprises are fun. Besides, who else would I have to keep me company…?" _Stupid, Jess... Surprises are for the weak._

I smacked myself on the forehead. "Hannah Mon-_freaking_-tana…?"

"Hannah Montana is amazing. I don't know why you don't like her. Like you and me, she gets the best of both worlds." Gosh darn it. That was a crappy pun.I really don't like this girl.

"I am very much an individualist." _Even if I had a twerk off with Naruto before I left…_

"If you like her so much, I guess I can leave you in her company for a while…"

"Did you abduct Miley Cyrus too? That would make much more sense. I mean, why kidnap me? What are you going to do? Steal my kidney…?"

"One, Hannah Montana is real. Two, I don't want your petty kidney. I just like having you around." Jess snapped bitterly.

_Denial~_

I would have rolled my eyes if she could see my face. "Bullshit. You shot me in the ass with a dart gun, while in a dark forest, and stuffed me in a dog crate…"

Jess only scoffed. "It was fun."

"Please kill me and get it over with," I muttered bitterly. "You're obviously a serial killer. Please lie and say my last word was 'yolo'; not endless screams of terror."

My kidnapper snorted. "I don't particularly want you dead. I still need you for a while yet… In the meantime," Jess turned around and a button clicked. The lyrics to 'The Best of Both Worlds' started blaring. "LET'S JAM!"

"NO!"

* * *

My time in the dog crate was unfortunately brief. It was unfortunate because being pulled out of a dog crate by a psychopathic forest stalker likely means you're going to die.

"Please don't steal my eyes," I groaned. The comment was more to distract myself than spare my life. I know I'll fight like Hooker Barbie when it comes down to it, but at the same time, I'd rather distract myself from the coming events. "My buddy might need them. Ten bucks says the strippers in Shady Town are after them." And probably more, but let's never in a million years tell Gaara that. He has suffered enough.

"I don't want your petty eyes either." Jess replied in her usual demeaning tone. She's the type of girl that makes you want to go all strict, conservative grandmother… _literally_. I know someone with a bitch spanker I can steal/borrow.

For the first time in the short unfortunate time I have known her, I've only known a few things about my kidnapper. They all involve her being a meanie and a creep. But when I stretched and finally took a wary look at my captor, who I am now almost certain is going to come at me with a meat cleaver, I have learned nothing new about Jess, the evil Sharpie sniffer.

… Other than her being a complete offense to nature. She remains as expressionless as her tone. Her bobbed hair is obviously dyed her deep shade of Barney purple; I can see her hay-coloured roots. Her stature is similar to my elven one, but its obvious nobody has ever pressured her to gain some muscle mass through rigorous sessions of book sorting. (It's my job, but sometimes people are dreadfully obvious with their intentions.) In terms of muscle, she's Donkey Kong.

… I'm Diddy Kong and I'd better slip away from her grasp before she shanks me with than scary looking syringe she's holding in her other hand. She may be wearing a doctor's coat, but she looks more like a mad scientist with her hollow, green eyes.

"Let's play a game," Jess suggested flatly, keeping a monstrous hold on me as I tried but failed to crush her steel toe boots and push her away. The girl has abs of steel… or I just plain suck. Let's go with she's a freak of nature. "How about Operation…?"

* * *

When I awoke, I was on my stomach with my mouth full of sand. My _everything_ hurts. I'm in the giant toaster oven, otherwise known as the desert. My mind is the hazy cyclone of a possible acid trip... not that I have even been on one but I have reason to question pain medication.

Groaning, I rolled onto my stomach and squinted at the harsh sunlight.

I would have been happy if I knew how to get to the nearest civilization. Jess doesn't have a speck of mercy. I'm going to die out here. At least I have the friendly butterflies to keep me company…

Actually, scratch that. Now that I look at them more closely, those are vultures. I'm going to try to live. The thought of being eaten by the circling birds overhead creeps me out too much. They can eat me when I'm too dead to care; not now. I also like to think that people give a damn about whether I live or die, even if I haven't known anybody for an extraordinary amount of time.

So I spat out the sand that has probably sanded off the last of my taste buds, got up, and walked in a random direction. It would be nice to have some water. Maybe that would clear my head…? I kind of need some right now.

I don't know how long I trekked, but what I do know is my sanity gave out before my legs did. But I caught myself before I made any fatal mistakes. For example, when my eyes started to burn, I knew the giant, baby head was actually the sun, and eventually, I realized I was walking in circles and changed my route.

The struggle continued and I was losing. It took me longer and longer to catch myself.

…Until I saw the Guardian of Sexiness bathed in light. He even sparkled like Edward from Twilight; shinning bright like a diamond.

When I saw him in his toga, I knew his body was ready for my very enthusiastic bear hug. I was saved. It had to be him. Every detail was perfect. He even looked horrified when I started stumbling towards him like a rabid stripper. I hit him at full speed, expecting him to fall over, or if he was lucky, sidestep me. That didn't happen, because as realistic as he looked, and as much as I wanted it to be him, he was only an illusion.

* * *

A nudge lifted me from precious sleep. I ignored the feeling. For the last time, Jess, I don't want to sing 'True Friends' with you. I hate your guts, you crazy psychopath.

My living alarm clock was feeling impatient and gave a couple snaps of her fingers. The steady beeping in the air wouldn't stop either. It was too annoying.

I reacted impulsively, "Damn it, Jess!"

"Who's Jess?" a voice asked, seemingly confused.

_Wait…_ That isn't Jess's voice.

I attempted to sit up and fling myself at my savior. If I missed, I would throw myself at the nearest object and cry like a Disney Princess. But an arm stopped me from getting even an inch off the bed.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

I whirled my head to the right. "Temari…?"

The said girl gave me a soft smile. She was sitting on a chair next to my newly discovered hospital bed. "Yeah, it's me. You've got some explaining to do. How you managed to vanish and end up in the middle of the desert is beyond me."

"Where's Jess? She knows more than I do. She's the one that kidnapped and dumped me in the desert."

"Oh, so that's Jess… We don't have her. At least _now_ we know who to go after."

I sighed and sunk into my pillow. "What the _hell_ did Jess do to me anyways…? Please don't tell me she stole my kidney. I've been informed of the eyes sold on the black market."

"Ah… not quite."

"Oh, shit!" I exclaimed in horror. "What is it? Please be merciful and tell me. I'm going to guilt trip you and say I literally know nothing about myself, so it's downright cruel not to tell me."

Temari seemed to question my intelligence because she frowned. "Guilt tripping doesn't work if you tell someone you're guilt tripping them."

"Yeah, but don't you feel kind of guilty? I _really _want to know." _Or I don't want to know… _I figure it's better to ask when I get up the nerve. I have to know what Jess

It was Temari's turn to sigh. "Somebody operated on your wrist," I held my wrists up, discovering both a needle which is on the verge of giving me a panic attack and a tightly wrapped bandage going from my elbow all the way to the palm of my hand. "The problem was fixed, but there's another…"

"_Did she steal my eyes?!"_ I interrupted, unable to hold back my terror.

"No, she stole your appendix."

I couldn't respond. All I could do was stare at her with pure horror, my jaw attempting to pull a Kirby and swallow the world, as I slowly turned onto my stomach, screaming curses into my pillow; a lame escape from the horrid truth.

"Don't freak out. Maybe your appendix burst…?" Temari asked when I settled. "She didn't seem to want you dead. Jess left you a short distance away from Suna… Actually, most of your injuries resulted from you jumping a cactus…"

Jess, the evil sharpie sniffer has played 'Operation' on my body.

…_Great._

She just hits my funny bone… that little good for nothing, Sharpie sniffing, forest stalking, mutant with a scalpel. I hate her more than rocks.

"Hey, it's alright." Temari made an awkward attempt at comforting me. "You don't need your appendix anyway."

I slowly turned my head so I faced her. "She'd better have put Humpty back together again."

Temari rolled her eyes. "I'm letting this one slide, considering you ran into a cactus."

"_I what!?"_

"You literally hugged a cactus at full speed," Temari replied, both baffled and amused. "And you did it with a _smile_ on your face. We had to tranquilize you to get you to let go."

I then remembered my last vision in the desert; the Guardian of Sexiness, otherwise known as Gaara had appeared. But it's not like I can tell Temari that I hugged a cactus because I thought it was her brother dressed up like a sexy guardian. "It's not my fault people keep giving me too many pain meds." I lied, giving her my best poker face.

"Thanks to them, you're not withering in pain." Temari lectured. She's right of course. I couldn't keep my poker face. As much as I hate hospitals and everything about them, I know my grudge is unjustified. I'm just being an asshole.

"Yeah, that would suck." _But it also sucks when I do crazy things like run into Prick's cousin thrice removed._ "By the way… Where are Gaara and Kankuro? I'm overjoyed to see you. I'm just curious."

Temari smirked, "Same here. Gaara and Kankuro should be here soon. They said something about a surprise."

"They know I hate surprises..." I grumbled, frowning.

"You're such a child." Temari stated in all seriousness.

"I'm a cool kid." I corrected plainly while tugging on my I.V. It's such a silly thing at this moment. I'm up. As far as I know, I don't need the thing.

Temari successfully pried my hand away. "If you say so…"

"Of course I say so," I scoffed with a playful undertone. "I'm the only alien you know."

The door to my hospital room flung open, revealing the real Guardian of Sexiness and his sidekick, Kanky the Clown. This time, I'm positive I'm not high on pain medication.

My face lit up. "Hey guys, guess who just snapped out of a possible coma?!"

Gaara, while clearly happy to see me, his dear, lovely friend, was very obviously unamused with my exclamation. His small smile at my waking diminished with my words. "I don't see how that's something to be proud about…"

Temari slapped my hand away from the I.V. again, before muttering, "It wasn't even a coma…"

"It wouldn't be the first time someone has dropped her." Kankuro jabbed, placing the 'It's a girl' balloon in the corner. It bobbed in the corner, giving me the childish urge to play with it. Of course, I knew there was no way I could ninja my way out of bed. Temari was watching me like a hawk.

"Ouch," I said, putting my hands over my head in surrender and closing my eyes. "If anyone forgot, I've admitted my insanity." I lowered my hands. "Please tell me they serve pudding in the asylum I'm going to. I love pudding."

"You're not insane," Gaara assured, as he took his seat in the red, pleated armchair by the door. He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "You're just incredibly different."

To my horror, the heart monitor had a small spaz. _Please ignore it… please…_

"I think that's a synonym for insane." Kankuro snorted.

"You're clearly wrong." Gaara rebuked darkly.

"Okay…then." Kankuro replied uneasily, before coming up with a decent way to save face. "Hey Kira, do you want some pudding? I saw some in the hospital's cafeteria."

"Yeah," I replied, finally starting to notice my hunger. "Thanks."

The door closed behind him, leaving three people and an awkward silence.

It didn't race, but my nervousness wouldn't allow it to be normal. "Thank you, Gaara," His comment was sweet, even though he didn't catch my intentions. "I always appreciate it."

His response was just as awkward as the feeling in the air, "It's no problem…"

"Yeah… um, so what's been going on during my abduction…?" I asked, changing the subject.

"When we realized you were missing, we searched the surrounding area for a week. You were, as I told you, found a short distance outside Suna. You were in the hospital when we returned yesterday." Gaara answered.

"We even checked the shady-as-fuck place…" he stated, unamused. He left me wondering whether or not it drove him to the point of barricading his office this time. Kankuro said he had to convince Gaara not to do it when he got back. Apparently Gaara has stalkers… The strippers resembled them. There may be no stopping him now. Though, I can't blame him. It _is _terrifying.

So I held nothing but sympathy, "I'm sorry I put you through that hell hole."

"I didn't mind," he started, before his eyes widened at his words. They had no doubt come out wrong. There was no way Gaara enjoyed a visit to _that place_. No way. "Please disregard my… previous words. I meant to say I didn't mind going there if it meant your safety."

I returned my gaze to my lap and attempted to calm my increasing heartbeat. This time, it was not Temari who stopped me from yanking the I.V. out, but Gaara. In my haze, Temari had slunk out of the room unnoticed by me, likely with her ninja skills. For all I know, she could have sprung out the window, somehow not breaking a limb. _Traitor. _

"Ah… where has Temari run off to?" I questioned, briefly looking up to meet his steady gaze. He had taken Temari's seat by my bedside.

"She has been keeping an eye on you," he informed. "I was going to, but there were duties I had to attend to. Temari likely went off to rest."

"That's sweet of you guys to be concerned about me. I'll thank Temari when I see her again." I decided, already trying to think of what Temari may want for dinner one night. Not that I'm the best cook, but it's my job and the least I can do to return her kindness.

"We were all very concerned about you. In all seriousness, we don't know if anyone is after you… or why."

"Jess might." I told my unfortunate story, not leaving out any detail of my kidnapping. "It's hard to believe. I know. I don't even understand it myself."

Gaara listened intently. He took me seriously… I think. At least he didn't call me a liar. The truth itself seems like a poorly developed lie. But if Gaara thought so, he spoke without any indication, "I believe you. But not Jess's motives… They make no sense."

_That statement pretty much sums up my life._

"I don't understand it either, but that's what happened." I sighed, poking the I.V. once again. The thing is annoying. If it hadn't been there for so long, I would've flipped.

"Kira, stop." Gaara ordered.

I pouted at him, "Stop what?"

"Stop trying to take out the I.V.," Gaara explained, lifting my limp hand away from it and placing it to my side.

I gave in, "…Okay. Sorry, I must seem like such a child… Needles make me uneasy." They remind me of unpleasant things, most recently, Jess Barney. _Barney_; that's her last name… I think. It matches her hair. But then I suppose it could also be an unfortunate nickname given to her by some clever asshole… or a figment of my vivid imagination. I may be that clever asshole.

"I promise you'll be out soon," Gaara assured.

I beamed, "Want to hug on it…?"

"You'll get out of bed if I don't." He knows me well.

I got my well-deserved hug, though it was a bit more awkward than usual with my being in a hospital bed with limited mobility.

"Kira…" Gaara spoke, seemingly unsure.

"Hmm…?" I murmured as we pulled apart.

He suddenly had an interest in the squeaky clean hospital tiles, "I feel the same way."

I looked at him curiously from my prison, "About what…?"

"You." He clarified, still not meeting my eyes.

"What?" I blurted, horrified as the heart monitor started to beep menacingly, increasing as I dwelled on his words.

"You," he repeated, before meeting my panicky gaze with a concerned glance. "…Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm dying!" I exclaimed dramatically, a maniacal grin on my face. I felt like bawling from both my embarrassment at my nonverbal reciprocation of feeling and my profound joy at them being reciprocated.

"I'm hitting the call button just in case." Gaara threatened.

"Ah… ha-ha…" I murmured nervously. "Don't worry. They'll just think we're bored."

"I'm hitting the call button," Gaara repeated, promptly pressing the 'no-no' button before steadily meeting my bashful gaze. "And why would they think we're bored?"

I smiled shyly, but felt no need to hide my creeping blush. The all-knowing heart monitor says all. "Because hospitals are hell holes with the exception of today… Today is wonderful."

He returned my soft smile. "Today is quite wonderful."

Before the steady pacing of nurses could reach my door, I fiddled with my I.V, making extra sure not to rip it out. One goal at a time…

"Kira…" Gaara warned, as he placed my hand, the one closest to him away from the I.V. snared one. He was no doubt becoming fed up with my childishness. I try to contain it, but it's like I said; my goal this time isn't to take out the disturbing I.V. in my left arm.

I gave him a sincere smile and took his hand in mine.

We stayed that way for a few peaceful seconds, regarding each other in complete disbelief. Him for a reason I don't know why. He thought I was speaking seriously however many days ago. His actions prove that much. Perhaps he hasn't been in all that many relationships? I know I haven't. I didn't know I had it in me to be so bold, so I suppose it's fortunate that he was the one to confess first.

…Well I kind of did. Let's let people believe that fact. My words _were_ true, even if they were spoken in a carefree manner. I do _fucking love _Gaara. Let's leave the mush to Shakespeare. I'm already turning into a mush monster.

Kankuro hurried up with the pudding, squeezing in after the file of serious looking nurses. A knowing smile appeared on his face when he noticed my ecstatic state. He placed the tray on my lap with a "Surprise."

For once, I thought surprises might not be so bad… But forget that. They are. I'm just willing to make an exception this time.

* * *

A/N: A lot happened in this chapter. I think it's safe to say Gaara had some help. Originally, I thought it would be Kira who would do the confessing, but then I realized as the story continued that Kira had become too scared of rejection. She wouldn't want to ruin the relationships she thinks she's lucky enough to have. She's very much aware that she doesn't belong in the Naruto world. And I think with her amnesia, she'd be even more conflicted. I hope that clarifies everything. Their relationship should progress slowly. Neither of them actually knows what they're doing. It will be fun. I promise.

Reviews are love. :3


	12. Marco and Polo

A/N: I'M SO SORRY! And I know you guys are very eager for the next chapter, so I'll save my rambling for the ending note. (Also, to start off this fit of madness, I will tell you that I have just figured out that I have named my OC after a serial killer from death note. Yes, you have permission to laugh at me.)

Happy belated holidays!

Disclaimer: I only own the bullshit.

* * *

Dear Starface,

My appendix is on the black market. Just so you know why I'm coloring very aggressively all over you right now.

May Jess never find you,

Kira

* * *

In the depths of the hellhole, otherwise known as the hospital, I am confined by my boyfriend(?). Arguing with Gaara is like trying to not laugh at Kanky the Clown; it's impossible to win. In the case of Kanky the Clown, I know I'm going to end up looking crazy. In the case of Gaara, I gave up before the argument even started. I won't fight a battle I know I have no chance at winning. That's just pointless.

So I have been bored. So very, very bored… But that's not all.

I think I broke the call button. That's okay though. I asked Gaara to get me one of those squeaky rubber duckies. My excuse was I need something to alert the public in case Jess came to steal my organs. He totally bought it… and then got annoyed and chucked it out the hospital window. The nurses moved me to another room. Gaara had to stop them from placing me in the psychiatric ward.

_Yeah…_ I knew he wouldn't let me be put there, so of course I asked if there would be pudding. Apparently, they have five different kinds of pudding. I told them to sign me the fuck up. Gaara said no and bought every pudding flavour imaginable. He thought I was serious. I even have pudding that tastes like blueberry pie. _Blueberry pie!_

Don't get me wrong. I do feel kind of guilty. That was _a lot_ of pudding; too much pudding. I feel like he called up a pudding company and said 'I want one of everything.' I know he has the money, but I'm able to buy pudding myself if I want it.

… Or sneak into the psychiatric ward.

"Maybe I _should_ be in the psychiatric ward." I remarked, as I scooped another hefty spoon of blueberry pie pudding into my mouth.

As usual, everyone took me seriously when I was not being serious. I suppose people do that because I'm rarely serious, so they think I'm nuts all day, all the time. I really need to reconsider the way I've been acting… Or maybe not… I do admit, I have found it quite amusing.

"We've been through this, Kira." Gaara said.

"I know. I just can't get over how somebody stole my appendix. They don't serve a purpose, right? Why steal it?"

"Your kidnapper seems to act without any real objective. We've reason to believe Jess is insane."

"Well," I started uneasily. "_She is_, but she seemed to know about me; about me before I lost my memory. Jess didn't tell me anything really, but she did say that she knew me."

"Since when did you associate with psychopaths?" Kankuro inserted from his seat in the corner of the room.

Kankuro was promptly elbowed by the nearby Temari.

"I think we need to clear some things up." I replied, resting my spoon against the edge of the bowl. "_I hate Jess._"

Gaara of course, agreed with me. He's the most reasonable person I know, and in my honest opinion, it is completely reasonable to want to throw Jess into a sewer.

"She is terrible."

"You got it." I encouraged, giving him an enthusiastic thumbs-up.

"That still doesn't explain why you have anything to do with her." Temari added.

"She's my stalker."

"Who would stalk _you?_" Kankuro so rudely questioned.

_Oh Kankuro_… The answer is Jess… Obviously.

Kankuro gave a yelp, as Temari smacked him for being a jerk.

I half smirked. "Jess."

"Jess is terrible." Gaara repeated, gazing bitterly at his clasped hands.

"Yup, she should go die in a hole."

_No mercy!_

"Kira!" Temari exclaimed.

"I told you I hate her…"

Gaara as usual, agreed.

"Kira does have a point…"

"Not you too…"

"No mercy!"

"Kira!"

* * *

Although I was still requiring bedrest, I was deemed ready to go home by the very detested doctors at the hospital. This happened about a week after my awakening.

But let me tell you this: I will be forever confined in my room by my overprotective boyfriend. I may be weak, scrawny, and a total wimp, but… Oh, who am I kidding?! Gaara has every reason to worry about my safety, and I should too. I suck.

"Kira, you need a bodyguard."

Except for that… I don't need another stalker.

"Please," I huffed. "I already have a stalker. Can't I just you know, get a German Shepherd or something…? Ah, how about a Saint Bernard. Those guys are huge."

He looked me dead in the eyes. "It would snap you in two, like a twig."

_Well, that was just rude._

"I'm stronger than I look." Even I could tell that that was a lie, and I said it. And I'm not the brightest lightbulb on the shelf. My words made me want to slap myself… or maybe not. I'm still on pain medication, so I think I've had enough pain.

"May I remind you that you may or may not even have chakra?"

_Ooooo… Damn… The sass…_

"We've been through this," I countered, slightly annoyed. "I'm not an alien. Look, I know you're worried. But if I carry around some elephant tranquilizer, I should be good to go… or a Taser. Jess isn't even a ninja. She's just a Hannah Montana wanna-be with sociopathic tendencies."

_...That sounded worse than I thought it would…_

If he had an eyebrow, he would have raised it. "Hannah Montana?"

I should have known that he wouldn't know who she is. The pop culture in this world is different. Excuse me for slipping up.

"She came in like a wrecking ball, but never mind that. She's just a pop star Jess would probably stalk if she wasn't so obsessed with me."

"We should warn her. Do you know where she lives?"

I pointed to my head. "It might be me there… But I don't think a celebrity would give their address to me. I don't think I had those kinds of connections. I don't seem to remember anything important."

"I'll send a team to gather information." Gaara decided, letting go of my hand and sitting up off the edge of my bed.

_Well, good luck with that…. _

Although I hate admitting it, I am actually an alien invader from another dimension. Jess had made it crystal clear to my foggy, amnesiac brain. The not-so-common, common sense aspects of what I remember life to involve don't occur here. I had no reason to deny my initial theory.

I am not from this world, but I don't reject it. It doesn't repulse me, because I now have people who accept my strange ways. But I can't come out and say it. Without proof of my claim, I might _really _end up in the nut house.

If seem a bit off, at least I'm not totally alone. I have people to back me up… most of the time. When I had to explain to a nurse that the reason why I swore and hit my hip on the counter in my hospital room was because I was trying to 'be Shakira'. Luckily, I got out of that one by the skin of my teeth. What can I say? I put the 'Kira' in 'Shakira'.

...But my hips don't lie, because I now have a nasty bruise that hurts like hell.

The most honest person I know is Gaara, so when he mentions getting me a bodyguard, he's going to do it. There is no stopping him. As much as I wish he would be bluffing, it is extremely rare for Gaara to lie. That, or he has a constant poker face.

"Leaving for work?" I inquired.

"I can't be late."

"I know," I gave an assuring smile. "Don't stay too late. I might get up and hunt you down."

He stopped in his tracks, hesitating in front of the large, open window. "You wouldn't dare."

"Yes, yes I would. No injury can stop me."

"I promise to come back in the evening," Gaara gave in. "Temari has volunteered to be your bodyguard for the time being."

Before I could argue, he so rudely sprung out my window like some sort of monkey.

* * *

When Bernard was placed on my lap, I was mildly amused with the whole situation. After all, when I said a guard dog would be a good idea, I didn't necessarily mean a Chihuahua. But when the little angel started licking my hands as if they were giant lollipops and wagging its tail as if it were a weapon of mass destruction, I thought Bernard would be the best guard dog ever.

And yes, I named her Bernard. You can take a guess at why I named her that. Misleading? I know, and I don't particularly care. She's a sweetie and I love her, but unfortunately, I still had to have a bodyguard (stalker). It's not like Bernard could possibly be a match for an insane Sharpie addict…

The days following my sentence, otherwise known as bed rest, were quite hectic. They were hectic because Bernard can be a real bitch.

_Ha! _

For one, no matter how many times Bernard is scolded for taking a dump in Kankuro's bed, she does it anyway. I think it is out of love… for me. She also has jaws of steel and may have snapped at Kankuro a few too many times. She really hates him. And I think this was after she sensed his dislike for children. Bernard loves children. I know, because I'm a total child at heart and Bernard certainly loves me.

Karma can be a real bitch.

Speaking of Karma, my friend isn't a bitch. She's like sweet revenge. Karma loves me more than she loves Kankuro. I don't ship them, and I'm pretty sure that ship will be deep in the Atlantic at some point. She is too good for him in more ways than one. May I mention that we are talking about a could-be clown and the sweetest cinnamon roll that has ever made its way out of the oven? Just because she blushes, doesn't mean she's into him.

Though, I admit to being quite amused by the whole ordeal. That's just how I am.

Karma had taken it upon herself to tend to my needs during my unfortunate week of bedrest, and I admit that she was good company. I feel bad for her having to enter Kankuro's lair to get his spoiled bedsheets. Temari wouldn't go within ten feet of Bernard's daily present. I'd call her a wuss if it wouldn't make me a complete hypocrite.

It was on the final day of my forced bed rest that I decided it was time to discuss the inevitable: something has to be done about Karma's possible loss of income. It's a touchy subject, and I had no intention of upsetting her. I just wanted to do whatever I could to help.

"Hey, Karma," I started, mindlessly stroking my little cuddlekins, otherwise known as Bernard. "Have you've had any luck with… well, you know…"

Karma paused for a moment, her eyes drifting to the side with no real focus. "Not really…"

"I think we might have a chance at saving it."

"Really?!" I'd never seen Karma so happy in the entirety of the time that I had known her.

"Yeah."

* * *

"Alright, Kira. You are now officially unbound by your contract." Gaara announced, as he cracked open my dark shell of a room.

The warden (Temari) shall monitor me no longer. I am a free woman once again. This is a happy day, a very happy day indeed.

"You didn't have to make me sign a contract, you know. I would've stayed in bed as long as you weren't falling asleep on park benches."

Although I have not had the chance to see Gaara much due to his unfortunately gigantic workload that awaited his arrival in Suna and the investigation of Jess, who has yet to be found.

"But I didn't want you to get out of bed period." Gaara's words just about melted my insides.

But then it reminds me that neither of us knows what we are doing in this relationship. With my amnesia and his cluelessness of such topics, neither of us have a background to work off of. Help me. I'm a pansy and I know it. Somebody should smash our heads together and yell "kiss!" That would be a lot easier than dealing with my cringe-worthy, emotional turmoil.

Let's just leave it at 'I'll get around to it'…. Eventually that is.

"Aw, that's sweet. But don't forget! If you're giving off zombie vibes, I'm going to try to do something about it."

"Zombie vibes?"

"No offence, but you look dead without elephant tranquilizer or coffee."

"I'm feeling better today."

"Oh, that's good," I chirped, hesitating for a moment before continuing. "Do you think we could… um… possibly… go out sometime together?" I could practically feel my face cringing as my voice cracked out the words.

_Wow. Smooth._

"I would like that."

* * *

Our date happened about two days later, in the evening, when Gaara had some time off from his busy schedule. We hadn't had anything in particular planned, but we were at least leaving the apartment.

I hesitantly grasped his hand as we exited the tower. I figured I might as well take some initiative with us being together and all.

"So, where would you like to go?" I asked. "I'm not picky, so I'll let you decide."

"Build-a-Bear." Gaara replied unflinchingly.

"We are _so_ doing that."

* * *

As it turns out, Build-a-Bear isn't actually a thing in this world. But there is such a thing as a Build-a-Bear knock off chain. So after an hour of desperately searching for our destination, we found one of those said knock off stores: Make-a-Camel.

It was near closing hours, so we had narrowly avoided the stampede of children waiting to stuff their camels. That left a baffled retail worked, Gaara, and me in the store.

Perfect.

The colorful camel bins might have made the place look childish, along with the numerous outfits for camel dress up, and the 'cuddle corner', and… Well okay, you get the idea. Somebody got crazy with the primary colours.

But all was merry. I was like a kid in a candy shop, and even Gaara seemed mildly amused.

"So we can pick anything?" Gaara asked the drowsy retail worker, who had by then gotten over her initial shock.

"Anything."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

I gave a whoop... and started digging through the unstuffed camels.

They were all similar, except for the colours. There were _so _many of them. Gaara started digging a moment after, and it was heaven.

However, there was one tiny problem. There were so many fantastic colours, we couldn't figure out which shade to get. I was stuck between Bravo Blue, Bluebell, Salty Tear, Commander Blue, Blue Dude, Blue Balls, and Mystic Boom. Gaara was stuck between Pickle Garden, The Green Beans, Gob Monster, and Funky Jungle. It was a struggle.

"What about Blue Balls?" I asked Gaara, as I stared pensively at the way too many shades of blue. Thinking back on it, this place was kind of like a paint shop… but with stuffed camels.

"That one's nice. But what about Funky Jungle?"

"Uh guys," the retail worker interrupted after who the hell knows how long. "The store is closing in twenty minutes…"

I grabbed the closest blue camel; Salty Tear, and high tailed it to the stuffing machine, Gaara close behind with his Pickle Garden colored camel. I snached up the stuffing machine nozzle and prepared to stuff a camel.

"Okay, so where's the hole?"

"Near the end."

"So I just shove it up its ass then?"

"I guess so…"

Halfway through stuffing our camels, we inserted our voice boxes. Then then finished stuffing our camels, and handed them to the retail worker to sew up, before heading to the tiny, but well stocked clothing aisle.

I didn't take long to decide this time. If I see a blue T-rex costume, there's no other option. Gaara settled on a black suit. He said it's "For the office."

Oh dear god, he's going to keep it in the office. I can see him now, sitting in his swivel chair with his poker face on beside his green camel stuffie, trying to lecture some citizens about vandalism. I'm not stopping him.

"So have you decided on a name?" the retail worker asked, pulling two slips from under the multicolored counter.

"I have an idea." Gaara offered.

I peered up at him, intrigued. "What is it?"

"Let's name them Marco and Polo."

And that, my friends, is how I ended up being the mother of two stuffed camels.

* * *

"This is the best date I've ever been on." I said, as I gazed over at him from across our fancy dinner table at some shmancy restaurant that I forgot the name of as soon as I walked in.

"You remembered another one?" he questioned.

"Nope," I replied, glancing slyly at the now seated Marco and Polo. "I just don't think anything could top our trip to the adoption center."

It was one of our best decisions ever, due to the results of said decision.

I may have had a bit too much red wine that night. (Possible underage drinking. Holla!) Or maybe it was how happy Gaara was when he strapped Marco and Polo in their booster seats. I don't know. I just know that it happened.

This time, it wasn't my idea. It was totally Gaara's. He didn't even say anything when he pulled Marco and Polo out of their boxes. I don't know what came over him, but I wasn't about to stop his fun. Who was I to talk?

Plus, it even made our neighbor do a spit take, some old lady's eyeballs widened to the size of golf balls, and the first waiter that saw us tripped over his own feet and threw his serving tray like a frisbee.

So everything went astonishingly awesome, and there was only one question to be asked that would sum up the night. You guys should know me by now. I asked it.

"So which one is Marco and which one is Polo?"

"The one you made is Marco, because he will always call, and the one I made is Polo, because he will always answer."

If there was some deep, hidden meaning within those words, I don't know. I think I just caught on to the possible meaning and leapt at it.

That's what made me jolt from my seat, attempt to give Gaara a big ol' bear hug from across the table, fail due to him not catching on, walk around the table, almost trip over Marco's chair, actually trip over Polo's chair, and squeeze Gaara as he pulled my sorry ass up from the hardwood floor of shame.

* * *

A/N: Again, I am so sorry for the wait. I promise you will see the ending of this story. Bernard was named Bernard because Kira had wanted a Saint Bernard, if anyone was wondering. I'm bringing out the big guns next chapter. This one was more of a bridging chapter, as I had to cover some of Kira's recovery time.

I don't really like this chapter, but it was necessary for the bridging of story arcs. That's right! We're entering a new story arc! It's _good_, I've got to say.

And I am so sorry about the wait! I'll try to update sooner next time. If I ever end up taking a while, know that I am still working on the story.

Reviews are love! :3


	13. Making People Scream

A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'M SO SORRY!

Disclaimer: If I happened to own Naruto, it wouldn't have even made it to the shelves. This is my first fanfiction, so if you want good writing, I can say that this chapter is my hot-off-the-press best, but it is not beta read and meant to be read for laughs.

PS: If you want to take the beta challenge, let me know and I'll send you the chapters by means of email or whatever works best for you. I can send one at a time for editing, and you can even add your own little jokes if you so wish. I'll remain the author anyways, but you will be credited on my profile and I will inform all who read this story of your account/online name if you so wish.

* * *

Dear Starface,

Gaara is pretty darn good with animals. I think he's a dog whisperer, because he somehow managed to make Bernard his bitch. May I mention that Bernard's middle name is Beyonce? Yup. Bernard bows to nobody… but Gaara. Gaara seems to have a way of making everybody his bitch one way or another. I kind of admire it.

Bow before the Guardian of Sexiness,

Kira

* * *

I almost slept like a baby.

_Almost._

If I had known Bernard thought cats were tasty, I'd have sent him to the naughty corner. I was too busy giving birth to his new siblings at Make-a-Camel, while revisiting my non-existent childhood with my kind-of boyfriend. (Not to mention, Kankuro had a corn dog in his pants for some odd reason.)

Apparently, Kankuro is terrified of Bernard, which is completely ridiculous. The guy is a ninja, and secret, part-time clown. Being scared isn't in the job description. Needless to say, Bernard is now confined in Gaara's office. I can't trust Kankuro with Bernard. The scar on Kankuro's bottom, which resembles a snake bite has both literally and figuratively scarred him for life.

This very situation is why Kankuro and I are at a tattoo parlor. Kankuro can't let his lady friends see his mark of shame. The mighty ninja-clown had been bitten by a baby chihuahua, and he could not handle such a burden.

"Hey, Kanky," I muttered, pointing to an elaborate unicorn in the flimsy tattoo artbook. "You should get this one."

"_No," _he glowered, as he looked up from his own tattoo book. "And _don't _call me that."

I scowled at him in return. "You stopped calling me a stripper… But you've yet to pay the price."

"I'm not sleeping with my brother's girlfriend." Kankuro snarked.

"Ew," I grimaced, flipping the page of the tattoo book to look at yet another unicorn tattoo. "That's it. I'm calling _you _a stripper. How about… Spanky?"

His horror was evident, "_No!"_

I sighed. "Then, I'm afraid you're stuck with Kanky."

"Um, excuse me," the heavily tattooed store owner spoke up from her place at the desk. "Have you picked yet? Store's closing."

The woman had been glaring at us since we had entered. I'll be honest… when I saw her, I almost pissed myself under her deathly glare. The woman meant business, and if you weren't there for business, she would make it her business.

We meant business. We were just having trouble deciding what to inscribe on Kankuro's ass.

"Look guys," the woman almost snarled. I began to fear for my life, but then remembered that Kankuro was actually a ninja somehow. "You've been here for the past three hours. The store is tiny and I'll have you know, tattoos _hurt. _Suck it up, and pick one."

The woman could have been named after my diary, because she had a face with more stars than my little book of nightmares.

Kankuro gulped, then spoke up. "My friend and I would still like to get tattoos, but we have a little problem…"

_Wait… Still…?_

Before I could even blurt my refusal, I felt a stinging pain in my arm.

"One of us is a wimp…"

* * *

"KANKURO!" Temari roared.

"I am ashamed, brother." Gaara spoke up from beside me on the couch.

"Guys, my ass kind of hurts, but let's not kill Kankuro this time." I groaned, lifting my butt to ease the sting. "I've always kinda wanted a tattoo… Never expected it though."

"Kira, he got you a unicorn tattoo… on your ass!" Temari exclaimed. She held her fist in the air, whirling it around dangerously.

"It's rainbow." I defended, all while patting my sore bottom. I don't like pain, but for knocking me out and getting me a sweet new tattoo, Kankuro had earned a bit of respect as well as my sincere thanks.

"See?" Kankuro questioned, a smug look on his face. "It's kind of like her birthday present. She loves this sort of stuff."

_You said it!_

"Not when she's a grandma, she won't." Temari grumbled, giving Kankuro a good smack to emphasize the point.

Maybe I would come to regret having such a rediculous tattoo, but if I was going to grow up to be so different, I would at least have a reminder of who I used to be and all the fun times I had as an otherworldly amnesiac.

"Yeah right," I scoffed. "If I ever was to be a grandma, I'd be the type that _encourages _this sort of thing."

"No," Gaara denied.

I gave him a look that could have voiced my words if I hadn't said them, "Aw, come on."

"We need to have a party." Gaara insisted. He had the look on his face that said he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

I frowned in confusion. "But it's not my birthday."

"When _is _your birthday?" Kankuro asked. His question was a very good question indeed.

It suddenly occurred to us that we had no idea how old I was. I was obviously a student before Miss. Creepy decided to show her face of nightmares. If I had to guess, I was anywhere between sixteen and eighteen.

Still… It wasn't like I remembered my birthday. Gaara or I could be dating someone way older or way younger and not even know it. It was mega creepy.

Yes, it kind of sucked big time that we could have been pedos, but there wasn't anything we could do about it. Gaara put in my new records that I'm eighteen, but we don't know if that's even my actual age.

I deserve cake. I'm a good girl… hopefully and most the time. _(Don't tell Kankuro I stole his chips last week. He hasn't found out yet and he'll be mad.)_

"We are still having a party," Gaara decided.

"Can we have cake?" I don't think I have to tell you guys who blurted out those words, because I'm pretty darn sure that as soon as you heard the word 'cake', you thought of the guy who gives people cake-related stripper names.

"Yes… Cake would be nice," Gaara pondered blankly.

I wondered if the guy had ever even had his full share of birthday parties. Because I thought it was kind of sad, I latched onto his arm like a leech for the rest of that evening.

Kankuro got salt in my eyes with the salt shaker. I had to remind him that jokes are only funny when nobody get's hurt, but I'm a bit of a hypocrite so there you go.

I totally laughed when he triggered his own trap that night.

Oh sweet Karma! How I loved you!

* * *

Gaara really _really _likes parties. I don't mean the type of party where everybody gets wasted and throws up in the bathtub, because I'm pretty sure that isn't his thing. I mean the type of party where everyone wears dunce caps and shoves cake in their faces.

Yes, _that _kind of party.

Birthday parties make Gaara happy. Gaara likes dunce caps. Gaara likes cake. Gaara likes _everything _about birthday parties in general. Maybe he wouldn't face plant into cake on a dare, but the way he subtly smiles whenever somebody shoves _their _face into a icing coated slice is a sure giveaway.

That was why I had to make the best cake ever for the fake birthday party we were going to have to celebrate that we all were born. I knew it was supposed to be my birthday, but it didn't feel like my birthday and maybe it wasn't. As we all know, my birthday could have been any day of the year. I just had the sinking suspicion that it wasn't my birthday, and maybe it was the climate that was telling me this.

After all, seasons changed frequently in my world and that was as far as I could tell with my fractured memories. The fuzzy image of fall leaves through the shattered school window gave me that knowledge. I don't think I would have the slightest clue of when my birthday was with a climate that was so very different.

Sometimes, I saw a glimpse of a face. Sometimes, I didn't. I couldn't put names to the faces and I couldn't make their features out that well. They lingered with no improvement. I couldn't even tell if they were my parents or if they were a another stranger on the street.

I don't know much at all about where I'm from and I'm sure you all know that by now. What I know is a bleary landscape I'll probably never get the chance to explore. It's sad. I know that, and it makes me sad too, because I want to gives those faces names and I want to know if there are people who miss me.

The faces I recall are of those I'd rather not. They are the faces of Jess and the freaky lady who stole my memories.

I'd like to think that there are people who miss me, but thinking that way makes things painful. It's sad to know that there may be people out there wondering what the hell I was doing, but I couldn't even inform them of my insane adventures in magic, ninja land.

Though I think that it is less painful on my part that I don't remember a thing about the people in my old world. Not only are there are people who would miss me here too, I bet I would be devastated if I knew of people missing me.

I think I would also be devastated if I knew I had to inform those people that while they may love me, I don't know them anymore. That's not something I wanted to tell anyone.

If I knew that there were people out there wondering about me, I supposed I would want to tell them that I was alright. It was only right that I relieved them of that stress they were surely feeling.

But I don't ever want to go back, even if people may call me selfish. I'd probably let them know that I was alright and come right back to Suna, because at least I had some memories to go by there. At least I had something to call home.

I wasn't so sure anymore that I could go back and start all over again. Not after I had adjusted to this new world and found my place in it. I wasn't so sure I wanted to remind people that the person they may have loved didn't even remember them.

I was never a fan of cruelty, and I think I can say that without the normal amount of memories of someone of my estimated age.

In my amnesiac mind, I thought I was the type of person who could cheer up someone's day. I thought it was my duty to do that, and really that was all I had to redeem the fact that I had possibly forgotten people who were important in my life.

That was why I found myself at one of Suna's grocery stores at eight in the morning with a big, long list of things I needed to by so that my boyfriend could get a taste of the best birthday ever.

Yeah, I was as whipped as the vanilla icing I was examining.

I had been strolling sleepily down the aisles with a sort of determination that would rival Jess's when she wanted to hit those high notes during a Hannah Montana karaoke session. (For the record, those karaoke sessions were not only a bit too annoying, they were also a bit too high pitched as well. That girl put opera singers to shame, I shit you not.)

Deciding that the one with added sprinkles was the best and most convenient store-bought icing ever, I threw it in with my then complete list of items in my squeaky shopping cart before starting to head towards the cash at the front of the store.

I didn't let my bodyguard, otherwise known as Temari the unintentional stalker know, so yeah, I was in deep shit and wanted to get home before anybody noticed and panicked. They would find out that I left when they saw the groceries, but I had confidence that they would be pleased with my efforts towards the birthday party that was really nobody's birthday party at all.

So I pushed my cart down the well lit hallway, cursing my choice of cart. It squeaked about as bad as Jess's singing voice as she belted out Hannah Montana's "True Friend's" song on the bus to me, arm draped around my scrawny shoulder as I wished the school bus would drive off a cliff or something so I wouldn't have to endure the embarrassment.

I don't know what's sadder, the fact that I actually remember that or the fact that my only memories are of my sociopathic kidnapper.

Something told me I didn't want to know anything else about that girl. I didn't want to know why she was involved in my life and I didn't want to know anything else that she had done to me, because that was probably one of the worst memories of my non-amnesiac life, besides the event with the creepy lady which I think maybe made me piss myself.

It seems as though the universe never thinks my life to be twisted enough. It's like there's someone out there saying "Kira needs to lose her appendix, because organ thieves exist and we have to keep things realistic." It's as if my life is never satisfying enough for that person's tastes. I just _have _to break my foot bone and just _have _to get a sociopathic stalker.

Yes, the universe hates me for some reason. I don't know why. I think I am a good girl. It's not a flaw; it's a lifestyle choice.

Yet the universe must hate me, because I thought I was hearing footsteps following me a pretty much empty grocery store.

I stopped, turned around, saw nobody, and continued on with a puzzled expression on my face.

Then about a meter away from the cash, I heard the steady clicking of shoes against tiles once again.

A bit unnerved, I stopped, turned around, and continued on to the cash with a shake of my head.

"Hey," I greeted the young cashier, to which he greeted me and asked how my morning was. I replied that it was fine and asked him how his morning was going.

"It's been slow," he replied honestly, running a hand through his short, brown hair. "But it's gotten interesting since you've came. For some reason, this girl keeps climbing up to the rafters. I called the authorities, because I'm pretty sure she's might be stealing goods."

I froze. "Was that girl following me just then?"

"Yeah, I guess she was. I don't know why though. Do you know her?"

"No," I told him, as I clunked an armful of groceries onto the counter. I wanted to get out of the place, as there was only one person I knew who had the intention of stalking me and I _did not _want to lose my kidney that day.

"Wow. Creepy," the guy commented. He took a quick look at the rafters before speeding up his bagging. Not wanting to be stuck in the store for too long, I started bagging too. The guy then spoke to me in hushed tones, "I know you. You're that girl who helps the Kazekage and his family out. I know what happened recently… I'll send a bill to the Kazekage's office. You should leave if you think that's her…"

"Thank you so much." I muttered, taking my four bags in my arms and heading for the door.

I felt kind of bad leaving the guy alone with a sociopath, but I knew ninjas and I knew they moved fast. I had confidence that they would arrive before Jess could start traumatizing the cashier with badly sung foreign children's pop music.

As hoped, I met the ninja right at the store's exit.

I just wasn't so pleased when I saw that it was none other than Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro, all looking at me like they worried as heck.

I had the modesty to feel ashamed. It was stupid of me to run off on my own with a stalker running about, and it was even more stupid of me to make my new family worry.

"I-It's her," I stuttered, letting the bags drop onto the sandy ground. "It's her and she's hiding in the rafters. Please help the cashier. She's crazy and I'm not sure if he knows how to defend himself or not."

At that point, I think I started to cry. It was the sort of crying that people do when they are scared shitless. It was the type of crying that people would do if they saw bigfoot eating their grandma. It was the sort of crying people would do if they knew their deranged stalker was nearby and possibly going to kill someone.

Temari and Kankuro looked at me worriedly, before wordlessly asking Gaara if they could go on ahead. Gaara let them know with a nod of his head. The duo then rushed passed me, Kankuro patting my shoulder and Temari muttering a solemn "We'll take care of it. Don't worry."

I don't think Gaara was all that familiar with comforting people or even being comforted himself, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try. He only hesitated a little bit, and I think it was because I had shocked him with my outburst of emotion.

I wasn't one to cry much. When I did, it was usually petty. He didn't really have to do much other than hold my hand when I was fearing the big, bad, scary needles as the hospital. It took much more effort to comfort somebody who was genuinely scared that somebody was either going to die or be scarred for life because of them

That didn't mean that Gaara wasn't up to the task.

Cautiously, he stepped forward.

Like the big baby that I was, I just had to jump him and stain his linen-smelling shirt with my growing puddle of tears. I felt rather pathetic, but Gaara was a good boyfriend and gaze me a small squeeze even though the whole situation was kind of my fault for leaving the apartment without Temari.

He didn't even seem mad, though I suspected that he was probably a bit peeved but not saying anything because I was already aware of my foolish error.

"Kira…" Gaara started with a sigh. I was holding onto him like a leach again. Kankuro could have been forced to come with the salt shaker again! "I can't stay here much longer. I have to check on things."

Not really wanting to, but knowing that he was right about having to leave, I brought my head up to look at him. I had long stopped crying, but was still visibly scared. Yet I was determined to be a big girl, if I truly had to be one.

A bit touched that he had stayed with me for so long, letting me use his shirt as a hanky, a small smile graced my solemn face.

"Yeah, I know," I answered, as I hesitantly unlatched myself from his chest.

I don't know why I did what I did. It wasn't something I could remember doing, as I had no memories to speak of and was too much of a wuss to have had much experience. I just know that I was touched and thought kissing him seemed like the right thing to do at that moment.

And that was what I did.

I kissed him like I was from _The Notebook_, that's what I did. I kissed him in front of about a dozen other ninja and whoever was at the front of the store. I kissed him like somebody stole my taco and I had really wanted to eat it, and Gaara just happened to buy me a new one but with a banana slushie to mend my broken feelings. I kissed him like one of those damn strippers in Shady-as-Fuck Town, right on the lips too. It wasn't a peck. I think I kissed him for _way _more than a second.

Okay, it was for like ten seconds. I'm just being dramatic with the whole _The Notebook_ thing. It was still pretty darn shocking for everyone around us though.

I could hear about five fangirls screaming. Let's add Kankuro too, because if you surprise that guy well enough, he'll scream like a pubescent girl and yes, I would have been able to hear it from inside the store. That guy can scream and scream _loud. _Yes, I swear that was him screaming at the back. His ship had sailed and he was probably screaming with joy. I didn't hear Temari, but she's more composed than that.

My thoughts when I stepped back were '_Oh boy, I'm never going to hear the end of this one…'_

And Gaara just stood there like he had walked in on somebody taking a shower with their sister. The poor guy… He was so shocked, I don't think he even fully registered what was going on until the end of it. Obviously, he didn't kiss me back for that very reason.

My friends, that was the day I almost gave Gaara a heart attack and Jess got arrested. When I think back on it, I guess it wasn't that bad of a morning. For one, Gaara lived and a certain sharpie sniffer had to face the bitch spanker. I also got to surprise kiss the unsuspecting Gaara.

So when you really think about it, it was a fine morning indeed.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I know I suck but I _did _keep my promise. I did post another chapter, so nobody can say that I haven't been making an effort to finish. Haha! And yes, I am making efforts to finish this story. I know it's kind of sad, but I feel as though the plot is coming to an end soon. I don't know when though. It all depends.

Also, please forgive me if there are too many errors. I plan on reading this story over for errors in the future.

Thanks a bunch to _TheNara, Moka-girl, A-chan, Carri007, _and all the guest reviewers who reviewed that last chapter! Thanks also to all who have given this story a favourite, or a follow, or even just read! Your support is much appreciated!

Reviews are love. :3


End file.
